Content Warning: This story contains descriptions of mental, physical and sexual abuse that may trigger sensitive readers. This book is intended for adult readers only.
Monday, January 22
(Cole’s POV)
It’s the jarring of the bus as it turns off the main road onto the gravel drive that wakes me from my slumber. It’s been a grueling twelve hour ride from my home pack, Red Fang, southwest to Crimson Dawn. I’ve heard rumors about this pack. Both from those who have visited through the warrior prospect program and just the general rumors that float around about every pack.
It’s one of the hardest packs to get into through the prospect program and a warrior from Red Fang has yet to be offered a position here. Now that I think about it, I don’t think any of our warriors have ever made it into the second run anywhere, at least not during the year and a half since my father started allowing me to attend. This makes me wonder how much of the selection process is based on skill versus the negative rumors that float around.
Crimson Dawn is said to be a strict and unforgiving pack. That, just like my own, it’s easy to find yourself laid over a desk on the receiving end of a thin leather belt. These are the only packs my father allows me to go to. The ones with the harshest reputations for killing rogues and intolerances for anyone weak or different. The rumors I’ve heard about us are no different. That every pack, within the maximum twelve hour drive, sees us as barbaric and cruel. I can’t help but agree as my father is both, at least he is towards me.
Every pack that joins the prospect program has three choices; accept warriors into their training program but don’t send any out, send warriors out to other packs but not accept any in or they do both. After five years of no one from other packs requesting to come to ours for training my father changed his status in the program so that he simply handles warriors from his own pack plus White Fang and White Moon packs. This year is the first time Crescent Moon has joined since we allied with them.
This particular run is the first time that my father has one hundred and twenty wolves between four packs participating, which means we have a full roster of twenty-four wolves, between Red Fang and our newest ally Crescent Moon, on this bus. My understanding is that membership in each costs money and it was cheaper for my father to change to simply sending warriors out then to continue waiting for warriors to come in.
I am the youngest son of Alpha Charles Redmen, the alpha and sole leader of the Red Fang pack. I am the youngest of his six kids. I was born prematurely and, unlike my twin Chloe, struggled to breathe on my own. I guess that’s where everything started. My father wanted nothing to do with a weakling like me. So I became the son he didn’t want, the son he felt was undeserving of my very life.
I yawn and slowly stretch, careful to stifle the yelps desperate to jump from my throat as the injuries from the beating I sustained Saturday night have yet to start healing. I peek outside the large window of the charter bus that had been sent to my pack to pick us up for the ride to Crimson Dawn. It’s the first time I’ve been on one so large and comfortable. To cut down on the amount of time prospects were on the road the council recently mandated that only charter buses could be used on trips over three hours so drivers only had to stop for meal breaks.
The darkness outside adds to my general unease of being away from home. I was one of the first ones on the bus, eager to get away from the place that has never been home for me yet my anxiety spikes every time I enter a new territory. I’ve been to three packs since my father caved and started allowing me out of the territory. The alpha of all three packs were similar to my own, intolerant of my medical and mental health weaknesses. I take a large assortment of medication when I’m able to get my hands on them. I look down at my hands as I feel them start to shake, silently cursing my father for preventing me from walking to Red General where I had several months of asthma and anxiety medication waiting for me. It’s been a grueling three and a half months since I ran out of the majority of my medication. I ran out just two weeks before returning early from the Red Moon pack and it’s been impossible for me to get over to the hospital to pick up more. He has gone out of his way to force me to participate in our private training sessions. At least that’s what he calls it when he talks to the rest of the pack about me.
Even as a young adult I’m subjected to his abuse, his torment. My body still aches constantly from Saturday night’s beating and I haven’t quite shaken off the concussion Andre gave me. Recently, even my oldest brother and his luna have joined in his sick game. All my life I’ve been called weak and undeserving of the alpha title. That his beatings were designed to strengthen me, to teach me how to be the brutal alpha he feels is proper and respectable. He ruined my chances of ever being an alpha when he took a whip to me on my fifteenth birthday. It will be eight years since he changed my life completely in just five more days. On Saturday I will turn twenty-three, not that it matters much. Unlike the rest of my siblings, my birth has never been celebrated.
I know that at five foot ten inches I’m on the small side for an alpha, where the average height is six foot to six foot two inches, but I am not tiny. When I’m in my best condition I’m a stocky but muscular two hundred and twenty pounds. I’ve been to three packs since I’ve started the program. All three packs sent everyone in Red Fang home after only three months and anyone that gets booted early has to wait for the next run to start. Every run is a total of six months with some prospects hopping from one pack to the next for eighteen months before returning home. To my knowledge that has never happened to a Red Fang warrior.
I steady my shaking hands by starting into my most common stim, squeezing my hands into tight fists before relaxing and doing it again. It doesn’t take long, as I absentmindedly look out the window, to develop the calming stimulation that I need to deal with my growing anxiety. Oddly, the last pack I was at, Red Moon, was the first time that I was on medication during the run. It did help with the initial meeting and testing but it wasn’t enough to keep my nightmares away.
The full moon is a blessing as it illuminates the dense forest that borders the long drive into the Crimson Dawn territory. My wolf whines lightly in my head as my peaceful beast has never had the true ability to simply run through the forest as other wolves have. We found out the hard way that I will never be a “normal” werewolf. My father’s hesitance to allow me to join the program makes me wonder if he’s discovered my biggest secret, one that I want no one to know. That the whipping eight years ago permanently damaged the nerves in my lower back, making it impossible for me to shift safely. This has resulted in me doing everything in my own power to keep everyone, both my packmates and anyone involved in the program, from finding out that I’m a non-shifter.
Normally non-shifters are werewolves who are born without their wolves. True non-shifters are quite common in the omega and gamma ranks with about fifty percent of the omega rank being affected. It is extremely rare, only around five percent, to find a non-shifter in the alpha rank and even those that are found tend to be in a similar situation as me, with permanent damage that keeps their shift from being safe.
Their ability to inherit and retain the werewolf’s super fast healing depends on when their injury happens. If it happened before their first shift then their ability to heal remains in a child-like phase. While werewolf pups still heal quickly compared to humans or hi-brids, it still takes four weeks for a pup to heal the same injury that takes an adult only one. Which is the situation I’m in, when in good condition it takes about four weeks for me to heal a broken bone. No matter the circumstances, a non-shifter cannot be a warrior as a non-shifter is just as vulnerable to being easily killed in battle as a pregnant she-wolf or a pup. Fortunately my end goal is not to become a warrior.
My desire is to gain two things and two things alone. I’m using what little training I receive from each pack and creating it into my own self-defense. Since all training is geared towards the shifting wolf I have to modify it to fit my needs but I’m a fast learner and very creative. It’s in this way that I intend to formulate a means of defending myself strictly in my human form. My second goal is finding my mate. The one and only she-wolf that the Moon Goddess has created just for me, my other half.I started asking my father about the prospect program when I was eighteen, the youngest that you can be accepted into the program. My plan was to use the program to find my mate. It’s a common method used to get into other alphas’ territories which is usually the best way to find her. My plan, once I found her, is to join her pack if she has a decent alpha, or to run away to the human’s world and live peacefully among them. He gave me a hard time and several beatings before he caved. I
“Since it’s late and I’m certain you’re all tired from such a long trip, I will save the majority of the details of our rules and expectations for Monday’s orientation. All prospects are given the same general introduction to our pack before they get off the bus. The time and location of the orientation meeting will be announced Friday evening once we are certain that all five buses have arrived. I believe that my father will be running three different meetings due to the larger than normal response to this run. My father will be the primary speaker but myself, Alpha Dominic, Alpha Lucas, Beta Patrick and Beta Parker will also be there to cover anything that my father misses as well as to answer any questions you may have. All of us will have some involvement with you during your training here at Crimson Dawn. As I am certain you have already heard, we are a strict and when needed, unforgiving pack and we do implement physical punishment in accordance with council laws. If you are c
“Sex is allowed, although I don’t smell any she-wolves on this bus so at least for this first night I don’t think that’s going to be much of an issue. Sex is to be protected at all times no matter if she claims to be on the pill or not. A variety of condoms will be stocked in the personal hygiene closets in buildings A and B. Building C is reserved for the female warriors and personal hygiene products are changed accordingly. You will be interviewed about all sexual interactions you’ve had before coming here and notified of any positive tests that come from the STI testing. We will treat any treatable diseases detected during testing. We know it’s common for males to use this program to find their fated mates. It is also common for relationships outside of fated mates to occur. While relationships are frowned upon by the council during temporary stays at a pack, we have yet to have a group that hasn’t had multiple wolves in relationships by the time they leave. We simply ask that you
I watch silently as the young alpha grabs both of their necks, one in each hand and pulls them apart while in a booming Alpha voice commands; “Submit!” Both of them struggle but eventually fall to their knees, growling loudly at one another. “I just told you no fist fighting and no sooner than you get off the bus you're coming to blows, over what?” “He’s taking my bag!” “No I’m not! Your bag is over there!” I can’t help but facepalm myself as I listen to them argue. No fighting, no drugs, no raping and no shit faced drunks. Sounds like a pack that just wants you to be responsible, reasonable and take care of one another. Here are the two youngest warriors who qualify for the program and they act like mere children. I walk over to the matching pack to the one they’re squabbling over and kneel down beside it. I go over it with a fine tooth comb finally locating a tag with the name Taylor on it. I sigh and shake my head as I pick up the pack and walk over to the twins. I stand sile
“If everyone here is being punished with a third floor room then Cole should get one too. He’s one of us.” “Oh, is he?”I freeze in shock at his attitude. I stand slowly with my bag in my hand watching and listening to the alpha’s next moves. It was common for the lead alpha to treat a visiting pack as a single unit instead of trying to figure out the good prospects from the bad. “And what exactly would make me think he’s one of you?” He asks surprisingly slowly and deliberately, waiting for someone to answer. “He’s the alpha’s son. Of course he’s a member of Red Fang.” Dallas, one of the other troublemakers, responds. “Who his father is doesn’t automatically make him one of you. Never, in all the years I’ve been in this program, have I seen a member of a pack treated with such demeaning, humiliating disrespect. To purposely degrade not just another wolf but a wolf you likely grew up with by attempting to destroy his belongings is NOT treating him as one of you. So, since all of y
It’s a struggle for me to stop my fight as my panic has taken over. I close my eyes in an effort to concentrate on my breathing. My chest is tight and my breath is coming out short and fast. I fight to get out of his hold as I hear another approach. “Everything okay dad?” The voice is much deeper than Alpha Damian’s making me wonder who it is that has approached us. “I’m going to need a few minutes alone with him. Lucas, I need you to have the rest of the group follow you inside to the third floor. Have Dom bring up the rear. I want silence. Not a word or sound as they pass by or they will all see the consequences of one person’s disrespect.” “Yes sir.” My fight eases a little as the alpha’s son steps away and heads back towards the group. “Cole, I know you just met me so there is no trust but I need you to follow my directions exactly. I’m going to coach you through a breathing technique that will help you to relax. As you relax you will feel me easing up on your arms.” I nod
(Cole’s POV)I follow behind Alpha Demetri and his son a short way across the main hall on the first floor. They stop at the first door they come to, the numbers 101A are screwed into the center. I stop a few feet from them as I have a preference for keeping my distance from everyone. I only get close to those I’ve observed for a while and I have a motive for learning from them. I can hear a short beep briefly before the sound of the door unlocking. Alpha pushes down on the handle and allows the door to swing open before looking back at me and encouraging me to enter. I move cautiously as I have never been beaten this badly by my dad before going to another pack’s territory. I would think the risk of another alpha discovering my secret relationship with my father would have been too high for him to be so careless. Yet the beatings have only gotten worse with each pack he’s sent me off to. Combine denying me my medication with the hardship of hiding my injuries and he’s making it eas
I nod quietly again yet against my better judgment I ask the question I think I know the answer to. “What happens to prospects that have a major mental health issue, like ptsd?” “It depends a lot on how stable the individual is and why they have it. A lot of wolves have ptsd from battles where they witnessed pack mates killed or they were severely injured. It can have a lasting effect but with therapy and proper medication the council will allow them to return.” “Oh.” “Not the answer you thought?” I shake my head as I follow them out the door to where the food is set out. No one is down here yet which is a relief for me.“Are you good on your own now?” I look at the alpha before nodding my head. “Thank you Alpha.” “For what?” “For your kindness.” He gives me a smile before placing his hand on my shoulder. For the first time that night I manage to keep myself from pulling away or jumping out of my skin. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Cole. We will talk more in the morning.”I