2.4 CAROLINE

“She would kiss us, sure. But if she was lying about liking us, like we believe that she was, she would never go too far with us.”

“So you guys went along with it? Another girl kisses you guys, and you guys think that this whole thing justifies cheating on me?” I shake my head at them.

“Caroline. It wasn’t like that. We didn’t cheat on you.” Antonio pleads.

“Are you serious? You guys kissed her! That’s fucking cheating.”

“But we told you why. We told you the whole story. Please, forgive us!” Nicholas says, frantically wrapping his arms around me.

I shake my head and push against his chest, wanting nothing more than for him to let me go. Wanting nothing more than to be away from them.

“Let me go, Nicholas! I can’t forgive you guys. Not right now.” I sob, tears staining my cheeks.

“I’m sorry, mi amore. I’m so fucking sorry. We thought only of getting the truth. We didn’t think this would count as cheating.”

I shake my head, still pushing against Nicholas’ chest.

“You didn’t think, that’s the fucking problem. Neither one of you guys thought about me.” Finally, he lets me go, and I press my entire back against my car.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen between us, okay? All I know, though, is that right now I just need time. Okay? I need time right now. I don’t know what I’m going to do, and I cannot promise you guys anything right now. I just can't. Because everytime i look at you guys, I just see her. I see Sara. and I see you, Antonio, with your mouth on hers. And you, nick, with your hand so fucking close to her fucking pussy.”

The twins both stare at me, eyes filling with tears. 

But the tears are unshed. 

Unlike mine, which fall freely down my face in waves. 

I know that the twins love me.

At least, I think that they do.

But how am I supposed to trust them, or their love for me? How the hell am i supposed to fucking trust anything when they would just go around kissing someone else?

“Darling, please. Dont run away from us. We can't lose you again.'' Nicholas pleads, raising his hand to touch me once more, before dropping it as soon as I push back against the car behind me.

“Caroline. Look at me.” Antonio requests, begging me, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

I listen, I can't help it.

My body must not have caught up with my head, with my heart.

How can it?

I dont even know what the hell i am going to fucking do.

How can I expect my body to know what to do?

“Mi amore, I know that we will get through this. I know that we will earn back your trust, we will earn your forgiveness. Because we plan on spending the rest of our lives making it up to you. We plan on spending the rest of our lives proving our love to you. Just please. Please. Don't leave. Don't run.`` Antonio begs, tears falling freely from his face as well.

“Caroline, you are pregnant right now, with our children. We already went crazy trying to find you. Imagine how crazy we will go trying to find you and our children?” Nicholas says. 

His words should make me fear him. I should take them as a threat, but I don't.

Because I know them. 

I know them.

They love me.

They have to love me.

Right?

“We love you, Darling. We once told you that loving you makes us weak. We told you that you make us weak. And do you remember what you said back?'' I nod my head, silent, still crying. “You told us that loving us makes you strong. It makes you stronger. And it does for us too. We were wrong when we said that loving you makes us weak. We were so fucking wrong. You make us stronger. Loving you has made us stronger. Loving you has made us better men. It has made us men that maybe one day would have actually deserved you. So please, don't give up on us. Not yet. We will do anything. Anything. Just please, don't leave us. Don't run away.”

Closing my eyes momentarily, I take a deep breath, and think over his words carefully.

Most of me wants to just leave them forever, not have them in my life at all anymore.

But I love them.

I still fucking love them.

A part of me wants to just forgive them.

I just want to forgive them and move on with our lives.

I can picture our future so fucking clear.