Chapter Twenty Six - The Unknown

Jake woke slowly, the inside of his eyelids bright red with the heat of the sun on his face. Turning away from the sunlight that was streaming through the window, he cracked his eyes open to look around. His mind was groggy for a moment and he couldn’t quite remember why he was sleeping on the floor. The smell of mint and fresh roses had a contented smile spreading on his face before he even registered the weight of Liana’s head on his shoulder. She sighed sleepily and snuggled in close to his side. Jake brought his arms up to hold her to him more securely just as he heard the door to the Alpha level crack open. A picture of a breakfast tray flashed into his mind through the link and he replied accepting it.

Zinna walked in shyly, her eyes down, her bare feet making little noise as she walked the tray over to the table, put it down softly, and turned to leave without even glancing at the pair.

“Thank you Zinnia,” he said softly. He loathed to wake Liana and lose this contact, but hot coffee was waiting and he wasn’t certain how long it had been since he’d eaten, but his mouth had been watering since the first glimpse of the croissants with ham slices had flashed into his mind. Lia started to stir on top of him so he loosened his arms around her. She took a deep breath and froze. Jake held his breath, unsure of how she would react. When she lifted herself up she was chewing her lip. Her eyes wouldn’t meet his.

“Sorry.” She mumbled. “Or… thanks?” Jake smiled as he sat up and cautiously leaned forward to give her a peck on the forehead.

“That’s my line. I’m sorry I didn’t insist on helping you with that headache when you first mentioned it. We could have both felt better days ago. And thank you, for letting our wolves connect for a while. I feel much better now.”

“Me too.” She admitted, smiling shyly.

“Breakfast?” He asked as he stood, offering a hand to help her to her feet. Smells like coffee for me and mint tea for you? Croissants, cheese, ham...Zinnia brought up a good spread.”

They ate together and then sat in the lounge chatting comfortably for the first time ever. They talked about movies and music, school, and pretty much anything that didn’t specifically involve werewolves, mating, or pack life. After a long while, Jake noticed Lia seemed less focused on their conversation. It was like talking to someone who was texting or playing a video game.

“Is there something wrong Lia?” She shook her head no, but for some reason, he didn’t believe her. “You can tell me, or ask me, anything at all.”

“I’m just...not sure. I mean, I think it might be rude or something.”

“Well then, I’m definitely the one to talk to. I’m your mate, Lia. There is no right or wrong, no secrets, no embarrassment between us. The mate bond really is unconditional love. I know you don’t feel it yet, but you will soon. Until then, just try to trust me. Talk to me. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Can I...can I see your wolf again? Heat zinged through Jake as his wolf jumped with excitement. Such a sudden, powerful burst of energy from what had been a dull, hollow ache for the last few days made him gasp out loud. “I’m sorry, I shouldn't have-” He silenced her with a finger on her lips. He looked at his finger and licked his own lips, wishing he could kiss the discomfort away for her.

“It’s fine, Lia. You surprised me, that’s all. Are you sure you want to see me as a wolf? You were afraid of me the first time, you didn’t look all that happy about it the second time either. I don’t want to frighten you or make you uncomfortable again.”

“You’re still… you’ll still be you, right? Your wolf won't hurt me?”

“Never.”

“And you’ll still understand what I say?”

“Yes. But I won’t be able to speak. Wolves don’t have human vocal cords.”

“o-okay.”

“You don’t sound so sure.” She was hugging herself and wouldn’t look at him again. Jake put a finger under her chin and gently raised her face until her eyes found his. “Tell me,” he insisted. His voice was gentle but firm. “You have to talk to me Lia, I can’t read your mind until we’ve linked.”

Lia leaned back in surprise, “You’ll be able to read my mind!” Nobody mentioned that! I don’t think I like that idea at all.”

“Only because you don’t know what it’s like. With humans, there is always this little bit of doubt. No matter how long you know someone, they can still make choices that totally surprise you. You’ve never….wait. You already mind linking with the Rogue girls, and I’ve seen Marie knowing exactly what you want without you saying a word.”

“They can read my mind?! I’m so gonna give them shit for not telling me. That was totally not fair.” She blushed all the way to the tips of her hair.

Jake realized that she was letting her own thoughts out without knowing it. Letting them out to Selene would be almost normal, pups did it with their parents all the time. Normally they would stop as teens though. Were the other Lone Wolves able to link with her and even her wolf did not know about it? Did they only get what she wanted to share, or could they search for what they wanted? David had even been able to link with him, could he link with any wolf of his choice without warning? That was an uncomfortable thought and something they’d have to think about. Later. Jake and his wolf were in agreement on this one.

“Let’s leave that for now, Lia. You say you want to see my wolf, but you don’t seem quite comfortable with the idea. Normally I’d be able to sense why that is, but since I can’t sense your thoughts or feelings it seems strange to me that you’re asking me to shift when you don’t really want me to. Can you explain it to me, please?”

“It just that, well, I don’t actually know how I’ll feel about it. I mean, what if I see you changing and get freaked out or something? Or if when I see you as a wolf I don’t feel safe? And I’m a bit worried about the transformation itself actually. Does it hurt? And what if I see you doing it and then really don’t want to go out on the moon and see if I can change? If I don’t want to change, will I have to? Do I get to control it or does it just happen no matter what? If I avoid the moon, can I just be human forever? And if you change and I’m scared can you switch back? How long would it take? I must have a million questions and everyone seems to think I should just know, or someone says it isn’t their place to tell me, and-” Jake put a finger on her lips again.

“One problem at a time. First, shifting will only hurt the first time.” She hugged herself and looked away. “I won’t lie to you, Lia, it will hurt the first time, maybe quite a bit. Most people start to shift much younger, and it seems to hurt more the older the person is, but the pain doesn’t last, and the feeling of being a wolf is amazing. There is nothing in human terms that I can compare it to. After the first shift, it gets easier and easier, and eventually yes, you can control it. You can shift, or not, as you choose, day or night. Except during the wolf moon, that one change a year is unavoidable after your first shift. Or at least it is supposed to be, your Gran has managed not to somehow. It may just be that no werewolf has tried not to for so long that everyone assumes it just has to happen so it just does. We make a pack party of the wolf moon, we’re all here in or around the pack house together to celebrate the moon goddess and nobody has a reason not to shift. I don’t know if you can stop the first transformation by not wanting to, I don’t know any werewolf who hasn’t wanted to, so I have no reference point on that. I suppose if you never, ever go out on a full moon the first shift won’t happen, but there too, nobody has ever tried that as far as I know. Usually, pups start going out to try and shift from a very young age, most shift just before puberty.

If you do shift, you’ll probably love it. I know I do. As for me shifting right now; if you seem upset after I change I’ll wait a little while; like I did that first night you saw me. I’ll just sit and wait until you’re comfortable, or until you ask me to change back. It doesn’t take long. I’ve never timed it but I can say that it will be slower than a blink but less than a minute between one form and the other. I can shift fast when I want to, but I’ll slow it down for you this time so you can watch. Does that sound like something you want to try?” Her eyes got a bit glassy and she nibbled on her bottom lip as she worried about what she should answer. “You’re eyes look like you’re linking with someone,” Jake teased, “You’d better not be telling Selene what we’re doing, I really don’t think I want her jumping up from her cot and barging in on us just because I’m showing you my wolf.”

Lia smirked a bit, “I actually hope not. I’d be glad she was up, but now probably isn’t the right time for it.”

Jake grabbed the hem of his sweater and pulled it up over his head. Lia took a step back, her eyes devouring his chest. A thrill rushed through him at the appreciation he saw in her eyes, but the surprise he saw in her expression made him slow his movements as his hand dropped to the snap of his jeans. She stepped back again, gasping a bit and stumbling into a chair. “wh-why?”

Oh damn. He hadn’t thought about that. “I can’t exactly transform with clothes on, Lia. Well, I can, but not if I want to wear the clothes again. They sort of get in the way. If they don’t rip off as I shift my wolf just rips them to shreds as soon as he’s out just to get free of them. Shifting back to human with clothes already on can be really tricky. Nothing ever seems to end up in the right place.”

“Oh, I...” Her face flushed and she looked down at her hands, “I suppose that makes sense.”

“Sorry darling, I should have thought to warn you. Werewolves aren’t as self-conscious as humans. We don’t see nudity the same way at all and I just started getting ready to shift without thinking about it. If you don’t want to see me naked yet you can just close your eyes.”

“But then I can’t watch you change.”

“True. Okay, you look away and I’ll take my pants off, then sit down with them on my lap and you can look back at me again. That way they won’t get in the way when I shift, and I’ll stay hidden by pants until I’m covered by fur. Would that work for you?”

“You’re laughing at me.”

“Not really Lia, this just isn’t a situation I ever considered dealing with. Modesty really is a foreign concept to a werewolf.” She hadn’t been watching him, so while they’d been talking he’d stripped and sat down on the mat with his pants on his lap. “Okay darling, all set. You wanna watch now?”