TaylorAt that moment, Kennedy enters from the garage. Observing our embrace, she reads the situation as a bad outcome from my appointment. She leans against the closed door with tears filling her eyes.Jackson escorts me toward his wife. “Bad day at the Y?” He asks the crying Kennedy.She cannot speak, so she only shakes her head left to right.“Then why are you in tears?” I inquire.Kennedy explains the scene she witnessed upon entering. Her mind worried all day about my appointment.“Okay, you two,” I extend my index finger at both of them. “I’m going to have too many appointments for you to react this way each time.” I pull down plates and fetch silverware as I continue. “Fix a plate and I will give you all the details from my appointment.” I promise.“You can spare me some of the details,” Jackson states as if I would discuss my pelvic and breast exam with him at the dinner table.We settle in our usual table spots. I allow a few bites before I share my results. I start with the b
Taylor“What the...” I bolt upright, awakened from sleep by The Imperial March from Star Wars. Nervously, I scan the room. I’m in my room at Kennedy’s. My new blackout curtains keep the room perfectly cool and dark. Why is my cell phone alarm set for...I pick up my iPhone to see it is six a.m. “Too early,” I growl to the walls of my new home. As I replace my phone on the bedside table to retreat into slumber, I notice a print out.Oh yeah, today I start logging my temperature. I sat my alarm for six, so I could take it daily before Jackson wakes up for work. This way, when I’m ovulating, I can text him and he will still be at work on time. Barring any stage fright on his part at the collecting of his super-swimming sperm. I place the thermometer under my tongue. My eyes cross as I try to watch the digital readout climb. Instead of enduring the eyestrain, I focus on the ceiling while concentrating on the reason for this 6:00 a.m. interruption to my peaceful sleep. Becoming a surrogate
TaylorMy scream punctures the silence of the dark house; I sit up, gasping for breath. My hands feel around my neck repetitively.My bedroom light flicks on as Jackson darts to my side. He climbs in bed right next to me. His muscular arms wrap around me tightly. “It was a dream, only a nightmare,” he whispers into my hair while rocking me back and forth. “Just breath-in and out, in and out.”Kennedy appears moments later, climbing in on the other side of me. Tears fall from my eyes and down my cheeks.When will this end?Out of my life for three months now, John still torments me. He was violent when mad, always verbally and emotionally abusive, but he was never physical. In my nightmares, he escalates to the next level. I do not know what time it is. We fall to the pillows, no one speaks. Jackson holding me, the three of us fall back asleep.At six a.m. my alarm cuts into the silence. Today The Beastie Boys alert me it is time to be a model patient. As Jackson and Kennedy try to mak
TaylorKennedy jumps in for me, “Taylor had sex on the balcony at the frat house.”Crap! I forgot about that.“Details,” Reagan demands.“I...uh...I forgot about that one,” I sputter. “It was dark. The party spilled out onto the front lawn. I stood against the railing with a hot Division-One quarterback behind me. You know, the classic tall, blonde, muscles for miles, and hands...” I pause while I fondly recall those magical hands. “To an onlooker, we were watching the party below. Kennedy insisted on dressing me that night. We wore similar skirts with matching shirts. He had the back of my skirt lifted with his pants undone. He didn’t want anyone to know. I thought it was sweet that he couldn’t wait another minute to have me, but didn’t want to brag to the guys.” I lick my lips, the club evaporating around me. I’m transported back in time. “It was slow torture. I remember wanting to press myself back into him. He was so good. No good does not do him justice. He knew what he was doing.
TaylorI do my best to have dinner ready every night for Jackson and Kennedy. For dinner tonight, I choose to keep it simple. I placed three chicken breasts in the slow cooker at noon with a can of Rotel and a can of enchilada sauce. An hour before we eat, I shred the chicken easily with two forks. I open a bag of shredded lettuce, rinse it in the sink, then place in a bowl in the refrigerator. I open shredded Mexican cheese, placing it into another bowl. I move the salsa, sour cream, and guacamole beside the bowls, hoping not to forget to set them out as well.I open my iPad and Pinterest to find the recipe I saved earlier today. I mix the ingredients following steps one through eight. Finally, I add the fruit I soaked in peach brandy all day, before pouring my glass to ensure it is consumable. Holy buckets! It’s so good. I would love to add more alcohol, but Kennedy will drink it with a fruitier taste.My preparations complete, I snag my sangria and iPad, deciding to read in the fami
TaylorI enter Dr. Wilson’s office and assume my usual chair. I immediately open my journal before placing it on my lap. The doctor leaves her desk with a legal pad in hand to join me.“Good morning, Taylor,” she begins.I return her greeting, more nervous about this appointment than I was at my first. I promised myself to work on my relationship issues while in Kansas City. It is go-time, and I don’t know how to start.Dr. Wilson opens by inquiring about my thoughts about the group session.“You were correct. I need to open up to Jackson and Kennedy and ask for help occasionally,” I respond.Sensing my closed demeanor, instead of asking more questions, she motions for me to hand her my journal. I watch closely as she reads the list of goals I hoped to work on in counseling. She smiles at me before asking if she may read my journaling during the week. I allow her, knowing I only journaled once. This will probably disappoint her.“Your goals for our sessions,” Dr. Wilson begins. “I need
TaylorThe impending ovulation day quickly approaching, I opt for a special dinner. My tablet is open on the counter, I follow each recipe exactly. I have my phone timer, the microwave timer, and the oven timer set, ensuring I don’t forget any part of this meal. Filets warm in the oven, the slow cooker contains loaded potatoes with bacon and cheese, and a saucepan of green beans with bacon simmers atop the stove.The microwave timer signals my cheesecake chilling is complete. I pull it from the refrigerator, and I take my time decorating the top with strawberry slices, blueberries, and kiwi slices.My phone timer alerts me to turn down the oven until we eat. I reduce the green beans to low, then end the oven timer. Now I need Jackson and Kennedy to arrive before the filets dry out. I decide to text both.Me: I prepared special dinnerThis might encourage them to hurry home. It is now 6:45. Kennedy is usually home by 5:30 and Jackson is between 6 and 7. I thought I planned this meal per
Taylor“Wake me up before you go, go...” I turn my Wham alarm off. Today, I decide to wash my face and use the restroom prior to my temperature. As I wash my face in the mirror, I feel butterflies in my tummy. I might be ovulating today.I assume the peeing position on the toilet, I’m reminded of my tenderness discovered during the night. Moving through the soreness, I check my underwear as I conduct my morning business. I rub my index finger over the creamy white discharge on my cotton panties. I pinch my finger and thumb together, then apart as the internet stated. The consistency is sticky and stringy. Shit! This is a sign I might be ovulating. Oh crap! Oh crap! I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for this. I quickly log my mucus observation, then place the thermometer under my tongue. I’m too nervous to I sit on the bed, I pace to the bathroom, to the door, and back with my aching thighs. I am afraid to look after the beep. If it is up, I will have to text Jackson, letting him k