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Chapter 14
"I'm going to hate myself for this," he murmurs, his hands dragging down my arms. "I don't deserve you, not after what I've done."
His hands come to my face, brushing back my hair and caressing my cheeks, one drops and the other hand runs down to my jaw. I grab his stray hand and hold it in between my own, covering it and bringing it to the center of my chest. "I'll forgive you, I just need time. I need to see that you're willing to open up to me. No more trying to push me away. No more trying to hurt me."
I feel different. I have never felt like this before. There is an anxious feeling growing inside of me, making my chest hurt. Looking at James now, looking at some unknown version of him I didn't know existed, I feel anxious—nervous in ways that I can't quite understand. He's hurt me, I know that. People hurt others. I've hurt p
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My bedroom is cold and empty feeling though my things clutter the space obnoxiously. I set my back down at the door and walk in as if this is someone else bedroom and I am an intruder.My mother isn't home, actually, she doesn't know that I am either. I had never called and told her I was leaving as I only found out last night. She'll be disappointed, I think. Sad for me. Her daughter was mated to an Alpha, was taken to his pack, then was sent home for her own good. It makes me sad just thinking about it.Having no desire to unpack, I leave my bag set against the wall and walk to the window, gazing out at the forgotten view of the forest, the view I used to stare out at while I cried when I was younger. I don't want to be here. Not anymore. This has become a sad place now, one where my half-filled soul will rot and wither away until I d
Too Beautiful for the Alpha Chapter 16
November 30th, 1991I cannot leave my bedroom. I cannot face him. I have lost my baby. My baby has slipped between my fingers, leaving me forever, never to come back. I feel empty. James feels empty. He has tried speaking with me, but I have nothing to say. There is nothing I want to say anymore. The doctor says that many women have miscarriages and it should not stop me from trying again, but there is a cloud of discouragement over my head. It floats there, never to go away. I want my baby. Goddess, please. I need my baby.December 1st, 1991I feel sad today. I feel sad every day. I want my baby back. Please, please, Goddess give me my child.December 5th, 1991
Too Beautiful for the Alpha Chapter 17
I immediately close the door behind me and turn to him with wide eyes. His scent is muffled and I can't tell if I am imagining him or not. "W-What are you doing here?"James nears me and my heart begins to race. The sight of him makes me feel secure, a warm feeling spreading throughout my shaking body. The darkness of my bedroom shadows his face, making him a figure in the night, something my eyes could be playing tricks with. Once close enough, the moonlight from my window lightens up his face and my throat grows dry. He reaches out to me, takes my hand in his, showing me that he is indeed real. "I'm here to finalize things, Rae," he says, his voice less smooth than it has been in the past.I struggle to speak, bringing me back to when I first met him. "You're going—you're going to reject me now?"
Too Beautiful for the Alpha Chapter 18
I slept better last night after our conversation, after seeing him and feeling him again. It confirmed and renewed feelings I've held for him, feelings I don't know should exist, ones that may be wrong but inevitable. All I know is that when I saw him in my bedroom, a part of me felt whole.He's not the same as he was when we first met, I can see that now. He talked to me, opened up to me, came clean. It gives me even more hope than I had before, and that makes me nervous. In my mind, our story had ended when James told me he was here to reject me, but now so much has changed because of one conversation. One conversation and now I know that he wants me too. That's what James meant when he said he was bringing me home, right? He wants me there. He wants to try and fix things between us.I have to reroute my mind again. It was heading tow
Too Beautiful for the Alpha Chapter 19
It has been almost a week since I've seen James and I can't help but worry. What if he's never coming back for me? What if it was all a lie? I can't die here alone. I just can't. These last few days I've put all my eggs in one basket. Tonight I sit in bed, waiting like the past few nights. My tiredness has been scared off by excitement and anxiety and a thumping heart.After another hour, I can't help but lay down. As much as I fight myself, my eyes can't help but close—I'll open them abruptly once I feel myself falling asleep—but soon I'm oblivious to everything around me. I am submerged in a dreamland.It feels like only a few minutes later when there's a gentle hand on my arm. At first, I think that I'm dreaming something incredibly realistic, but when my eyes open and the familiar shadowed corners of my bedroom appear, I
Too Beautiful for the Alpha Chapter 20
James is no good. James is bad for me, for my mental health, my physical health, my everything. I let him fool me, I let myself believe that he cared for me. Thinking about it makes me furious with myself. How could I let him in? How could I kiss him and lay in bed with him? For all I know, he could have strangled me in my sleep. He could have contemplated suffocating me with the pillow he laid his head on.How could he hurt me again? How could I let him?James was never going to bring me back and love me like I let myself believe. I want to yell at him and never see him again at the same time. He's embarrassed me in front of my Alpha, gave me hope when there was none, and has the guts to lay in my bed with me, knowing that everything he's been feeding me is lies. He is a monster. He is cruel and manipulative.
Too Beautiful for the Alpha Chapter 21
Both of the windows in my bedroom are open and the cool air floods in rapidly. Not bothering to keep myself warm, I sit on my bed in my pajamas, waiting for him. The room is dark. The only light is leaking from the bathroom, through the closed door. The Moon creates a glow in my room, all white objects now a hazy blue.It makes me feel as if I'm dreaming, this glow, these hues. I hold onto my pillow, suffocating it in my arms as my eyes stay fixated on the middle window, the one right across from me. The forest looks like a black, stormy ocean during the night, and he emerges from it like the beast who lurks in its depths. My heart races as I wait for him.The coldness cleanses me. My toes lose feeling and my lips turn blue, but I feel crisp, I feel fresh. The sounds of footsteps against grass bring my heart to a sudden halt, and I hard
Too Beautiful for the Alpha Chapter 22
Maybe I'm an addict. Maybe he's my own personal drug, my own breed of liquor. When I look at him now, in the front seat, driving, I can't help but think about jerking the wheel and colliding with the monstrous tree just ahead. It's the call of the void. It's that one split second where the real darkness within seeps out and takes over. My eyes stare at the wheel, my hand fists my shirt, then I glance off out the window.I try to do things that are good for me, sometimes. I convince myself that I'm not going to give in again, but when you're addicted to something, who knows. Maybe I don't care anymore. Being hurt is familiar, unlike our moments when he's kind to me. Those moments are more frequent, and I'm worried that I'll grow used to them. Is it wrong to feel grounded when I'm hurting? I don't know anything else. What if I won't like being happy?
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