Just seeing the message made me weak somehow. Maybe because I care about him due to the attraction I had to him. I looked at my phone which showed Josephine's contact.
I glanced slightly but did not see Josephine. She was not around either.
"Hello, students, sorry I am late", the voice of Mr. Lekan rang through my ear as I groaned inwardly. I forgot we were having another lecture.The whole lecture was not a good one as I kept slacking in attention, writing and I never raised my hands to answer any question. I kept peeking at my wristwatch to check the time.
" Michael, you seem off today. Quite unlikely of you", the voice of Mr. Lejan jolted me out of my state, as I stood up nervously, the murmurings of my coursemates echoing 'that is true'."I'm sorry about that sir. I will try to listen attentively now", I promised as I bow my head slightly," Better do. Your contribution is important in my class", he buttressed, as I nodded sitting"St..op", I can't count the number of times I said that word as he has unbuttoned my shirt and he is trying to go further. I don't know why I feel so weak, as my brain is almost shutting down, my stomach feels like it is being tightened.Oh God, please help me, I said inwardlyI felt him stop, as he moved away from me. I opened my eyes as his face was darted in another direction. I quickly buttoned up my shirt, as I hurriedly went out of his room. I never minded how heavy it was raining, he almost raped me.Hugging my body, I kept running as tears kept running down my face. The street was becoming desolate as cars were few. My body started shivering as I continued walking and running at the same time.My body was wet as I kept going, not looking behind. My eyes felt blurry as I was almost reaching my hostel. Breathing in and out relentlessly, I kept going. I can do this, I kept telling myself.The cold breeze was not helping me as my bo
I peeked at him, as I blinked my eyes, hoping it was a trance, but it was not."A confession?", I asked " Yes, but you need to rest. I'm leaving now since I have a lecture. I will inform your assistant that you are sick", he said, shocking me again.I thought he wanted to confess something. He is…. I couldn't find the right word to describe him. He placed me well on the bed, as he covered me with a blanket.He later went out, closing the door, bringing nothing but making my heart go crazy. I would have been able to stop Joseph from getting attracted to me but, I guess it was impossible.This feeling of mine feels like a plague, tormenting me everywhere. It would have been best if I am attracted to the same sexes, and not vice versa. Joseph almost raped me, that alone sends every part of my brain spinning. My eyes started closing, as I gave in to sleep.******I felt strengthened as I could not help but prepare a homemade snack
As I leaned against the door, I could feel my head almost spinning. I felt my body ache as my mind went back to what Joseph revealed. He wanted to have me on video, how ridiculous. He saw me as a tool he can use and dump.Cleaning the tears off my face, I stood up as I slept on the bed. He is not worth it. He is the most disgusting fellow I have ever seen. I curse the day I got attracted to him. I just hope he gets off my life.****The whole week was more like singing a lullaby to me, boring and stressful. Joseph kept begging me but I never yielded. He looks lean, his eyes more like he has cried his sockets out. I don't think he deserves to be listened to. I still find it difficult to think straight knowing he wanted to have sex with me and also have me on video, just to win a bet.These days, I have been lonely as I avoided my friends too as I needed some space. Walking alone has been my thing now and spending most of my time in the campus
I can't help but have a cold foot seeing Joseph. His hair was wet and looked messy, with his eyebrows darted in different directions. The light illuminating from my room makes his face clearer as his eyes were red. His lips paused in a thin line, as he tried to talk as I perceived the smell of alcohol which made me cough, the reeking smell filling my nostril."I have fallen dee..ply for you. Why are you avoiding me", he stuttered as he staggered forward as I held his shoulders." It feels so terrible with this feeling. I can't stop it and I feel almost less when you are on my mind. Please forgive me. Help me out", he stated as he leaned closer to me.My heartbeat as the thought of him kissing me came to my mind, making me shudder inwardly. I can't let this happen. I can't kiss the same sex neither can I give my first kiss to him. I have to stop this", I told myself only for him to fall on my shoulder, as his head rested on my shoulder."Joseph", I
Am I still angry at him? Well, I can't say for sure. I felt angry at him because he tried to force himself on me. Getting to know about the bet left my head spinning because he wanted to have me on video.But Chris's words touched me so I have forgiven him."I'm not angry at you", I said, sparing him a glance.He moved closer as he stood in front of me." I am sorry for everything. For threatening you with the video. I…", "Stop it. I understand. You are attracted to me and you were finding it difficult to control the new feeling. In the process, you thought it would be best if we both engage in sexual conduct to control the sexual urges", I explained everything that I feel was the reason behind his actions.His face dropped, as he sat on one of the stools with a sour expression." I never expected I would develop anything for you. And If possible I said some things while drunk yesterday, They are all true", he said, his
"I...", I could not make out the words. I'm confused, and frustration is beginning to set in my mind.Bowing my head slightly, I closed my eyes as I felt imaginations coming into my head. The next day after discovering my feelings for the same sex, I prayed for self-control. I also promised not to give in to my feelings.It would be for the best, not only for me but for Joseph. If we engage in sexual pleasures, that cannot reduce the liking we have for each other. It would only ignite the lust as well as the temporary happiness we would enjoy in the meantime. Most importantly, we will both be committing a grievous sin.Even if I give in, I know myself pretty well. A guilty conscience will eat me up, especially when I have promised the Almighty of doing the right thing.'God gave me feelings, not for me to give in to it but to learn how to control them'. I have two choices.One is to give in to this weir
It has been a month since the drama with Joseph. Getting over the attraction I had for him was not as easy as I thought. Knowing fully well I did the right thing by not giving in to my feelings kept me aspiring to put an end to the liking I had for him.I know that I made the right decision. If I should accept Joseph's point of view, things would have been upside down. Not only will we be committing such a shameful act in secret, but we will also be sinning against the Almighty.Embracing your sexuality or controlling your sexual desires are those two options I had but I had to go for the latter because to me it is the best. It can be challenging sometimes having feelings that society shun, but with discipline, determination, and trust in God, everything will be a passing phase as long as you pass the bloom of youth.Although you may not have complete control over your desires, you do have control over your actions. You can choose not to act on wrong d
I tried as much as possible to avoid scoffing at his gesture, as I decided to pretend."Hey. How are you doing Ethan?", I asked, placing more emphasis on his name.Putting on a sky blue trouser with a blue round neck to match, I must confess he looked almost the same as when we were in secondary school, except that he was taller this time.Leaning on the counter, his hands resting on it as he looked intently at me." I came to get drugs for my allergies, but can we perhaps talk outside?", he asked politely.The images of Joseph's nice gestures flashed through memory as I felt lost again. I only have a grudge against Ethan because I feel he likes treating ladies like trash, more of toys that are used and then disposed of while tired of using them."Oh Ethan, you are here. Michael, he asks of you since he came back from school recently. You guys can leave to talk. I will just sit here", Brother Joe's voice rang thro