Soft knocks on the door interrupted my short nap and absolute highness. I was about to roar at Sandra before my step mama pushed her head in. "Hey, I didn't mean to interrupt your sweet nap, but your daddy needs you downstairs," she gently requested before closing the door softly. Something was wrong; I knew it. After every happy or high moment in my life, a very pathetic, sad, or chaotic incident always followed. I thought the angels would prove me wrong this round. For one, there was nothing soft or gentle with my step mama when it came to dealing with me. She barely uttered nice words to me when we were together. It was always snagged remarks under her nose or sarcastic comments. After today with Sandra, it wasn't normal for her to be that nice. What games were the angels playing with me this round? Or was it fate and not the angels right now. It was already seven twenty and supper as always at seven-thirty; my nap was sweet. Taking one staircase at a time, I descended the stai
May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the holy spirit be with us now and forever more. Amen.“Amen,’’ everyone else at the table repeated as we stopped holding hands. It had always been an unbreakable tradition to hold hands when praying before eating every day. And it always felt like torture to me. All of a sudden, they were friendly at night, thanking God so they could get it all done with and go back to being mean.The atmosphere at the table was tense as we looked at each other silently.If they gave me a chance, if they at least saw something in me, the world would too.If my stepmama, Sandra, and Papa gave me a chance, other people would too. But they wouldn’t. They would choose a stray cat or dog over me anyway, that, I was sure.Sandra sat on the opposite side of the table with a few bruises and was trying to look miserable to win public sympathy. On the other hand, I looked strong, healthy, huge, and awful, with two horrible extra fron
I felt something twist and turn inside me, making me feel like I had eaten something bad. Then I went to hold my chest, and that wasn't the case. It was my heart that was breaking, sinking into my stomach. Sinking because love couldn't save it, it was unlovable, and the acids were probably feeding on it, making my insides burn. When I was young, and Mama and Papa used to fight, I had one safe place, a dark hole where I would hide. The attic. It was my favorite place until it started appearing in my nightmares. At that time, when Dad would crush the table, break glasses out of anger, and everything, I would run into the attic and hide. My favorite song used to be London Bridge before everything fell apart. Before my family was crushed down, before Papa let it all go without crying, he didn't even make an effort for all of us. He just sat back and watched it break. Every day before I went to sleep, she would sing it for me slowly and gently. We had our own version of the song, differe
Twenty-OneNo matter how hard I thought, I couldn’t figure out why he would throw me out on a rainy night. Why would any father do that? I probably don’t know, because I’ve never been a father or mother and all kids suck, that I’m sure, not all at least most. And in guess I’m one of the kids who do.The window across the street had some light. The curtains flew open and the owner slid his window to take his head out. Vince. Across the street I could see him looking at me keenly, with a glare that I’m sure reeked anger, death and pure hatred. Whatever he hated in me, I wasn’t sure. He would probably be good for a boyfriend in such cold weather. Perhaps my prince charming to be sent down at such times of need to come and rescue me from everything. Kiss me in the rain, hug me like I did matter, breathe hot air on my neck. Love was only a big theory in my world. A theory that I hoped would be practical.The wind blew drops of rain towards me and I snapped back to oblivion to find that I
Twenty-twoThe main door flew open and a few minutes passed before a careful image of Sandra trying to wear high heeled shoes came into view. Where was she going. It had stopped raining except for a few drops. I was now shivering like a stray cat with my lips dancing crazily.She walked down the stairs carefully trying not to make noise. The headlights of a car beamed and indicated once before going off. Her face brightened up a little before she hurried off, climbed the front seat, then they drove off.So, she had been sneaking out, it seemed this wasn’t the first time. But that wasn’t my business. Even if the whole family took a vacation to another country, and I had all the freedom laying carelessly in my hands, I wouldn’t have anywhere to go. Nowhere to go for a sleep over or a boyfriend to sneak around and do erotic scenes with.I was a hopeless romantic.I moved to the door and found it unlocked. Was she all over sudden doing me a favor? Or the angels confused and barred her rea
The sound of my alarm woke me up with a jolt. I stretched my hand, picked it up and smashed it on the wall. I hated the sound of alarms but God knew if I didn’t set one, I could sleep for a century.The moment I tried to lift my head up, a sharp pain shot through my downside making me maintain my original position. I had a headache and severe stomach ache. This could probably cramp or menstrual pain. The one we had been told about more than a hundred times in school.Take pain killers, drink enough warm water, rest, eat fruits and exercise if possible. Do anything to boost your mood. That was the original drill. I covered my head with the sheets hoping the headache and pain would go away but they persisted and even got worse.I got up slowly trying o nurse my stomach ache and notice red stains all over the bedsheets.A good part of the beddings was full of blood and I didn’t even want to look at them. I didn’t want to be a girl anymore. My nightdress was also stained with dark red and
Twenty-fourHell was here on earth and it was standing right next to me. The apocalypse had even begun.I covered my head with the duvet, trying to figure out what the problem was. Trying to find out why I’m always the problem, always in a problem or always causing problems. Whatever was happening today was way out of my league. What audacity did my best enemies possess and have enough to pose as my friends, did they miss me that bad? Wasn’t their any kid that they could bully in school today?Maybe this was all a dream and if I just counted one to ten everything would come back to normal, I would wake up and realize it was some bad dream, smile, go downstairs for breakfast and head to the terrible school.I breathed in and out again with my eyes closed tightly, hoping it was all some magic and fantasies created by my head. After counting, I pulled the duvet down again and looked around. Everything was the same. The same wicked faces that taunted me every day were lined up in my room,
The signboard written Maslow High School always gave me the kind of bad butterflies that can make you pee on your pants. It wasn’t just a signboard to me. It signified entry into a warzone with the bullies, signified the beginning of my misery and doom.It marked the end of my problems at home and ushered me into bigger realer ones. Another Monday, another new day, a fresh week to wake up and suffer.‘‘Go hard or go home,’’ that was a signboard that appeared in many gym halls, including the one in our school. I fi went home it wasn’t better, if I stayed in school, it was worse, there was no middle, it was just awful and bad all over.‘‘Remember you bragged about moving to another planet, you even hit his brother,’’ my subconscious mind screamed at me. I was going to get killed, literally murdered by the bullies today.If one of the young boys I had pushed on the Road was his sibling, then he was planning something big, grand and memorable for payback.I was as walking dead corpse, at