thirty two

Fear is paralyzing. It holds your limbs down and locks them with invisible keys. Until you can’t move, or crawl or do anything, it takes a hold of you and makes you, its prisoner.

I was afraid, more than ever, as I lay on the ground. Somebody had tripped me with their leg making me fall face flat on the ground. My insides were turning and churning from the terrible feeling that I felt. I felt low, down and awful.

A swamp rat felt better than me. At least moss could brag of being decent and growing up freely in sewages where no one could disturb or bully them.

I didn’t want to be a failure, not anymore, I want to be brave, to be a woman, to embrace my feminine side and urges. I wanted someone to look at me like I was a girl.

Courage always came from having a belief in your own abilities. That’s what the numerous motivational speakers in guidance and counselling aways said. I didn’t have any abilities. My biggest and best ability was sleeping and eating. I didn’t even have the abilit