Andrew stood abruptly. "You hungry?" he asked."I'm starving," I answered, nodding. We walked back to Kensington High Street, past Andrew's flat, and over to a tea shop on Wright's Lane called "Eaton's Eat'on." The inside is grotty but cozy, filled with little tables and chairs and the waitresses wore floral aprons. Andrew led me to a table by the window, as we sat down, a waitress came running to our table. So we ordered toasted turkey sandwiches, tea, and scones."When was your last trip to the doctor?" Andrew asked me as we waited for our treats. "Right before I came to live with you. And I'm due for another one soon," I said"To live with me?" Andrew asked, raising his eyebrows. He caught my slip. "I mean to visit," I said and hurriedly finished my glass of water. I'm not ready for his questions about my departure. Imagine the shock when he realizes that I bought a one-way ticket. "So at my next appointment, I'll find out the gender of the baby . . . . But I just know that i
"I'm seriously craving a night out and a little social interaction," I said to Andrew, following him around the kitchen as he packed lunch in a food case. "Take me somewhere other than your pub and introduce me to your friends!" I insisted.Andrew ignored me."After all," I said, "a pregnant girl shouldn't be forced to go to a bar alone, should she?""I suppose not," he said, turning to face me. "I'll invite a few people out to dinner on Saturday night," he said reluctantly. "Let's go somewhere fabulous!""I don't generally do fabulous. Would you settle for a slightly upscale gastropub?" he asked, as he gathered up his cigarettes and lighter and headed outside for a smoke.I'm not a big fan of pubs, gastro or otherwise, but I'll take whatever I could get. "Whatever you want. Just invite your coolest friends. Preferably male!" I exclaimed lightheartedly after him. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *I got all decked out in my favorite Seven Jeans and I can still button right under my bel
My heart pounded with indignation, and I can feel my face tighten and contort as I struggled not to cry.How dare Andrew bring me out with these people after introducing Sandra to them—and not giving me a warning? And worse, from the way Seren is acting, Sandra must have had feelings for Max during her visit to London, and she must have shared her thoughts with Andrew and his friends. Before now, I thought that Sandra didn't confessed much to Andrew. At least not anything too incriminating. I assumed this because, when we were kids, Sandra once told me that she didn't divulge anything embarrassing or controversial even in her own diary because she feared an early demise from a fluke accident—something undignified like dropping her hair dryer in the bathtub or choking on a hot dog. And Upon her death, she can't bear the thought of her parents reading an entry that might make them think less of her. I had told her that it doesn't matter because she would be dead, but she said that it's
Andrew calmly selected a Coldplay CD, turned the volume higher than appropriate, and sank Into his couch.He gave me a gritty gaze. "Okay. Look," he said over the loud music. "I'm really tired of this shit, Tessy. I am really, 'really' sick of it.""So am I," I said, reaching over to turn down his stereo. Andrew held up his hand as if to warn me that interrupting is not allowed. "So we're going to discuss this tonight and then never again, okay?""Fine," I said. " That is all I wanted in the first place.""Okay. When Sandra came here to visit me, she told me that she . . . that she had feelings for Max.""I knew it!" I said, pointing at him."Are you going to listen or not?" Andrew asked as if he's losing his patience.I swallowed hard and nodded."And she had been having those feelings for some time, but not that long a time.""How long?""A few weeks . . . maybe a few months.""A few months?" I shouted.He looked at me angrily, as if he's done with the conversation. "Sorry. Go on.
I know what he wants to say: I had hooked up with Jon even though Sandra was interested in him. "Oh, give me a freaking break, Andrew. Jon was not Sandra's boyfriend! They had kissed, like, one time. It was never going to go anywhere." "I wasn't thinking of Jon." "So then what were you thinking of?" "Well . . . I just think that you would do the same thing to Sandra if the circumstances presented themselves. If you had fallen in love with one of her boyfriends, nothing would have stopped you from going after him. Nor Sandra's feelings, nor the stigma of taking your best friend's man. Nothing." "No," I said firmly. "That's not true." " I think you have a long, long history of going after exactly what you want, Tessy. Whatever that is. Come hell or high water. Until now, Sandra has always played second fiddle to you. And you shamelessly let her do the whole lady-in-waiting routine. All through high school she was at your beck and call, letting you show off. You liked it that way. A
I woke up to the rays of sunlight that crept into the room and onto my face. And I suddenly felt a little thud coming from a particular side of my belly. Was it my baby that just kicked? Did she know that mommy is sad? There has been other times when I thought I felt her—only to realize that it was likely just indigestion or hunger pangs. But there's no confusing it today—an unmistakable sensation of tiny feet moving inside, churning up against my organs and bones. I put my hand on the spot, right under my rib cage, as I waited to feel my baby girl again. And sure enough, I felt another small but distinct nudge and twitch. This is really crazy, considering that my stomach is now the size of a basketball and that it took the flutter of baby feet for my pregnancy to move beyond theoretical and feel real. I can't believe it—that I have a baby inside of me, an actual little person who is going to be born in a few short months. I am going to be a mother. In a way, I am already. I curl
I stared out my barred window into the clear but dreary London morning. Today that I felt my baby first kick, I will make a turning point in my life. I will prove to Andrew that I am not the bad person he had described me as, last night. I stood up, found a pad of paper in the bottom of one of my suitcases. I ripped out a page and wrote: "Steps to Becoming a Better Tessy."I hesitated by replaying Andrew's speech in my head again and then, I started scribbling . . . 1. Visit an ob-gyn in London and prepare for motherhood. 2. Be more healthy, i.e., eat better, no caffeine or alcohol. 3. Get myself some new girlfriends (no competition with them). 4. Inform my family that I'm in London and that I'm okay. 5. Get a job (preferably a do-gooding job). 6. Stop buying clothes (and shoes and bags etc.) and start saving money! I examined my list and it looks like something is missing and so I put down my last number. 7. Refine my character (i.e., be less selfish and sel
On my way home, I ducked inside a coffee shop for a short rest, ordered a decaffeinated latte, and hunkered down in a big overstuffed armchair. On the couch next to me sat two women—a blonde and a brunette—who looked about my age. The blonde balanced a baby on one knee as she struggled to eat a brownie with her free hand. Both ladies wore tiny diamonds on their left ring fingers, just as Andrew once told me that the Brits are less ostentatious about engagement rings than Americans. I think that is one of the reasons why Andrew likes London. The Brits' understated quality is the opposite of what he said I am—more or less a shameless showoff.From the corner of my eyes, I studied the women. The blonde has a weak chin but good highlights; the brunette wore gripping aqua velour sweats but held an enviable Prada bag. I know I'm not being shallow for checking out her clothing. I am just being observant, which is a very good virtue. What isn't okay, is drawing conclusions about the women as