WARNING
This chapter contains acts of physical violence, as well as addiction issues. This chapter also contains acts of mental and emotional abuse that may be triggers for some readers.
Jax was doing great at limiting his drinking. He tried to stop drinking cold turkey; however, less than forty-eight hours in he was shaking, sweating, and throwing up. I had to take a crash course in alcohol withdrawal and how to help someone cope with the side effects and problems that come up because of alcohol withdrawal. Before now I did not know that alcohol withdrawal even existed. I learned that it was a fine line between knowing how much alcohol he needed to have to stop the symptoms without getting him drunk.
I dove in headfirst, determined to help him. I thought that by doing this I could s
Jax and I went back to not talking to each other. Once again, he claimed not to remember what he had done, but this time I did not believe him. This attack was deliberate and planned out. It was not a moment in anger. Jax purposely waited for me to be asleep, then he went and drank the rest of the bottle of liquor. Once he was inebriated, he had to get my cell phone off my dresser, unlock it and then proceed to go through my phone relentlessly. Then he planned and executed a full-blown attack against me. So, when he tried the same lame excuse that he did not remember I told him that I did not believe him.He also tried telling me that he wanted to stop drinking. I was not going to fall for that lie again. It hurt to see him cry, but not as much as he had hurt me that night. I knew that this was not how love was supposed to be, I just was not sure how to get out.Not that it truly mattered in the grand scheme of thin
WARNINGThe following chapter contains several topics that may be triggers to some readers. This chapter contains acts of physical and sexual violence. It deals with other topics that may be triggers as well for some readers. Please read with caution.Christmas turned out decent. I was able to keep the fake smile on and the pretend façade going. Jax seemed happy that I was more docile. In truth I just wanted the children to have a decent holiday season. Money had been tight, and I felt bad that the children did not have a ton of gifts to open on Christmas morning. Surprisingly, they were all excited for the gifts that they did receive. Jax gave everyone the best gift of all though with Daisy.The kids were excited that Daisy had joined the family. Even Isabella loved watching
I reached a new level of depression that I did not know even existed. I struggled to get out of bed. I no longer cared when or if I showered. I threw out all my makeup, and hardly ever wore jewelry. I felt tired all the time, but my brain was constantly moving. I hardly ate, food just was not appetizing. I no longer drew, played little phone games, or read books. Nothing held my attention, I just wanted to sleep. When I was asleep, I did not have to live in the nightmare I was in. Sleep was my escape from my own hell.Jax did not care that I was withdrawn. He was back to drinking and it was steadily getting worse. As long as I kept my mouth shut, and the kids stayed quiet and out of his hair, he was usually content. Occasionally he would release the biting remark reminding me of how fat I was, ugly, or his personal favorite insult whore. It had been three weeks since he forced himself on me, but since then he has not physically touched me.
Jayce’s message opened a whole new part of me that I did not even know I had inside of me. Slowly my depression started lifting. Instead, I channeled my feelings into truly living a double life. I knew that I needed to get away from Jax, but all my plans had failed before. I still had no job, and money was tight. I needed to face myself, and come to terms that I had not been truly trying to leave the situation that I placed myself in.I got serious about finding a way to leave. I started finding odd jobs that I could do while Jax was at work. I ensured that I could do them when he was away from the house. This allowed me to save up a little money that he knew nothing about. Some of the jobs were disgusting but I powered through. I even made a few good acquaintances along the way.I also joined a support group at my college for victims of domestic violence. I was hoping that a few group members would be able to
The second week of March Jax found a new way to make my blood run cold. I came home from school, and Jax was already home. As soon as I hit the front foyer, he was calling me into the bedroom. My blood froze in my veins, I knew that the children were still in school, so it was just Jax and I in the house. Quick flashes of the last time he attacked me when no one was home started flitting through my brain. I quickly pulled out my phone, I had a detective’s number on speed dial that one of the women gave me at group.Even having my phone in an easily accessible place did not stop my legs from feeling heavy as I walked through the hallway towards the bedroom. There was no way of telling what awaited me when I would get to the room. I had no idea if Jax was already drinking, if he were in a good or bad mood, or even if I had done something that would upset him.Reaching for the door handle I took a deep breath bef
Lady luck stayed on my side for a little while. The shooting range that used to operate in town was closed permanently. Jax was upset when he found out about it, but I placated him a little bit telling him that I was sure we could find another one. I knew that if Jax ever got that gun on a range he would find out quickly that someone had removed the firing pin. It did not take a genius to know exactly who he would blame either.Jax decided not to open carry his newest toy. I admit it was a relief knowing that he did not carry it with him. Even without a firing pin, Jax could use that weapon in other ways. It was a heavy gun, and if he chose to hit someone with it, he was going to do permanent damage.Life quickly returned to normal. I kept pretending everything was good, fake smiles, fake affection, and behind that working on a way out. Jax’s drinking was steadily getting worse. To my shock this actually helpe
It took almost three weeks for my lip to partially heal. Jax had bitten it hard enough that he left a few scars. Once again, the dynamic in the home had changed. I could no longer hide Jax’s abusive nature from the children. Isabella and Helen quickly filled the other children in on Jax’s behavior regarding his previous girlfriends. I was not sure exactly how much of their tales I should believe, but I was sure there was some merit of truth in their stories.Isabella told me about Jax’s previous girlfriend that had children. Similar to my situation she had been close to eviction. Jax had moved here and her children into the same home we now shared. The newest information that Isabella shared was that the woman had been pregnant at the time. Isabella claimed that the only reason Jax was not physically abusive to her for so long was because she was with child. According to Isabella once the baby was born it was like living i
I was doing my best to keep the children occupied while Jax was being transported to the hospital. Once he reached the local hospital, they managed to stabilize him. I had called before he arrived and the friendly staff promised to keep me updated on his progress, and if they planned to transport him. It was ten at night before I finally received a call. Jax had a minor heart attack.The local physicians were able to discover that Jax had a blockage in one of his lower valves in his heart. Unfortunately, they did not have a cardiologist on hand that could perform the surgery that he needed. Jax was going to be transported to a neighboring larger city where a cardiologist was already waiting for him. The nurse was patient and answered all my questions. She explained that they were going to transport him to the other hospital, he would undergo the surgery, and then the doctors there would determine when Jax could return home. Before we got of