Chapter Five

“Merry Christmas, Rose.”

“Merry Christmas, Todd.” And I walked away to my destination. New York City shines like the sun at night. Little clouds of snow are coming from the sky, and it looks beautiful all around. Today is Christmas night, and I’m the one who’s walking alone. But I’m happy.

One year ago, my decision to leave the town was not so easy. After hearing them talk about me, I lost all control, packed all my stuff, and came here. For this, I sold a Ronald ring. He gave me a ring when he kissed me for the first time. In those years, I lost him so many times. Once upon a time, I dreamed about spending my night in his arms and where I’m now.

He’s my memory, and one year ago I lost him completely by giving him things. I came here with empty hands, and now I’m still empty-handed. But now I have a job and a small house to live in. It’s a suitable house. Small, but okay.

In one year, I learned a lot of things. Just forget and move on. No one knows about me here. Who am I? What happened to me? I feel comfortable around people here. The coffee shop where I work is small, but I impressed everyone there. Todd is my friend, and his girlfriend is not jealous of me. That is a good thing. I also lived in a clean environment. No food from the trash, good-looking clothes, and a clean face.

I’m happy that I’m a girl.

After coming home, I changed my clothes and wore a Christmas cap. My last savings were for Christmas clothes and gifts. The first time I gifted myself. I looked so silly in a green sweater with a red cap. Ronald always gets so excited when Christmas comes. He told me to bake his favorite cookies.

Why Ronald

He’s not here.

Stop it

After one hour of making cupcakes, I went out. There’s not just me alone here. I saw a poor person sleeping near my house every day, so I went to him and offered him some cupcakes. He always looked happy when he saw me. It’s Ronald’s favorite cupcake. We secretly spent Christmas together. I don’t know where he is now. After offering him cupcakes, I walk towards my house.

Alone, I prayed for everyone. For Ronald and Jessie, for dad and mom. Why do I not eat my favorite food? Why do I always prefer them first? Taking a deep breath, I eat. All around, there is music and happiness running in everyone’s home, but here is nothing. Silence, sorrow, and pain. This is my life now, alone and miserable. No one is around me, and no one is here to take care of me. Closing my eyes, a fountain ran through my eyes.

Throwing my clothes away, I check my reflection in the mirror. A low smile spread across my face. My body, not mine. I’m not Rose. Shaking my head, I came out of the bathroom and laid down on the bed.

“I sleep well, Ronald.”

‘She’s the one.’

‘Kill her.’

‘Witch.’

‘I saw her... with blood.’

‘Kill her.’

‘Kill her.’

Shit! My eyes snap open. It’s light everywhere. Where am I? Running my eyes around, I find out it’s my home. Again nightmares. It’s always such dark nightmares that scare me till the end, when my body is covered with sweat. Christmas morning, and today is my holiday. It’s my first holiday exploring the surrounding city, so with no delay, I take a shower and go straight outside. A frosty morning full of fog and snow welcomed me. I love snow. It’s a habit for me to look for snow. It’s been two hours, and I’m walking on the street. On one point, my body crashed into another body.

“Shit! I’m so sorry.” Some stuff spread on the road.

“Sorry.” A woman in a business suit picks up her things. Oh god, her expensive phone and tab are on the floor, and I think they’re broken now.

“I.. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.” I helped her. Today is a holiday, so why is she wearing office clothes?

“Oh, no, my phone.” Her expression tells me it’s broken. She’s trying to see inside, but it’s blank. I’m so embarrassed right now. She’s looking so horrible because she is continuously trying to do something with her phone.

“I..”

“No, it’s my fault. I’m running without my eyes. It’s such a bad day. My boss’s entire day schedule and notes are inside my phone, and they’re broken. I have no time for repairs. He’s going to eat me alive.” She looks like she might start crying. I need to help her.

“Mm., I can help you if you know the notes.” She stops and looks at me for a minute.

“If you want.” Then a wide smile crossed her face.

“Of course you can. But let me grab my things. Can you hold this for me?” She gave me her phone and a diary. We sat on a bench, and then I helped her. It looks like she’s someone’s personal secretary. When we finished with a long list, I held my breath in my hand. Who the hell worked so much? Her boss is like a machine.

“Thank you so much for helping. Actually, I really like to take my notes on my phone. You know technology, but today I know the importance of paper and pens. I lost all my notes, but you helped me so much. Hey, by the way, I’m Olivia.” A beautiful hand comes toward me to shake. A diamond ring on her finger tells me she’s engaged. Her shining and painted nails look beautiful in front of me. Before, I thought she would grab my hand and shake it.

“Don’t hesitate.”

“My name is Rose.” She stops for a moment and then smiles. Really smile. Then I realized she’s a gorgeous woman.

“Rose, I’m asking you something straight. You have excellent skills in business work. I’m going to be married next week, so my boss gave me one week to arrange a new secretary. Can you please take my position?”

What? I pull my hand away.

“Umm, I already have a job.”

“Where?”

“In a coffee shop.”

“If you take my position, we can offer a car and a big house.” Here, my mind stops for a moment. What’m I thinking now? This is what I want. I know the skills that I learned from my dad. When dad is alive, I can take care of his business.

“Please don’t let me down. Think about this: my boss is a jerk. He’s going to kill me.” I’m so confused right now. What if he doesn’t like me then?

“I want time.” Her eyes fall, and she opens her purse.

“Hey, don’t be upset. I’m going to think about it, really.” She nodded and gave me a card.

“Don’t call the second number. Just call on the first number if you agree.” We both stood, and she said goodbye. I stand motionless, watching her go away. A girl offered me a job in the middle of the street.

A card

R.P. is written in red with a black rose on the back side. It’s after eight, and my fingers can’t stop running on the card. I can see myself there. I’m feeling. Some butterflies are running through my stomach. How does it look from the inside?

My own office

My boss

The whole day, the card was inside my fist. I thought it was going to be lost from my side, so I took it with me everywhere. When night came, I grabbed my phone and dialed the number. It’s running and ringing. She said she’d be waiting until twelve. Before I cut the phone, a male voice came from another side, and everything stopped for a moment.

“H...”

“Hello.” Wait! How? It’s Olivia’s number. Then how? The voice I will never forget in my whole life.

“Who’s this?”

“Your nightmare.” My breath stops for a second. He’s trying to scare me. The flashes stop.

“Hello, it’s Olivia.”

“H..”

“Who’s this?”

“Hi, it’s Rose.”

“Rose, I’m waiting for your call to tell me your decision.” Why do I feel it’s Ronald’s voice? No, he’s not here.

“Olivia, who picked up your phone?”

“No one.” Why is she lying? It’s a male voice then, or maybe it’s my imagination.

“Are you there?”

“Actually, it’s yes from my side.”