Chapter 10: Ivy

Anyone get invited to the little get together happening at Roan King's apartment? If so, someone needs to share the four-one-one with all of us. Pictures are, as always, welcomed and appreciated. Preferably naked ones... KingOfCampus.com

"When are you planning to come home for a visit, Ivy? You've been back in town for about three weeks now and we still haven't seen you."

I'm standing on the tiny balcony off our living room, facing the western sky. I didn't think I would enjoy having an outdoor space as much as I do. Whenever I'm home in the evening, I somehow find myself out here when the sun is setting. I love watching all the varying shades of red and pink that paint their way across the horizon. It usually brings me a certain amount of peace. My very own little bit of Zen.

That, unfortunately, is not the case tonight.

"Ivy, are you still there?"

"Um, yeah." Then I add, "Just thinking about my schedule. School and work are crazy busy right now." This is completely true. "I really want to find some time to get together with you guys." I think we all know this one is a whopper of a lie. As much as I love my dad, I have zero interest in spending time with his wife and their kids. "I'm just not sure when I can get away. I'll look into it and get back to you."

"Sure, honey, that sounds good."

I wince at the disappointment that weaves its way through his deep voice. I honestly wouldn't mind if he came here and grabbed dinner or something like that but Leah, his wife, finds it necessary to be included in everything we do. It's annoying to deal with her in order to have a relationship with my dad. It's like she can't bear to be left out even though she's with him twenty-four seven. They have a set of four-year-old twins. Nora and Nolan. They were still toddlers when I left for Europe. I can only imagine what an obnoxious handful they are now.

"How's your apartment? Is it nice?"

Slowly turning around, my gaze skims over the now decorated walls of our living room. The cozy tan couch and matching armchair that were cast offs from Lexie's parents and the forty-inch TV which Dylan promptly bought an Xbox for. I almost shake my head. Right there should have been my biggest tipoff that he would be, for the most part, shacking up with us. "Yeah, it's really nice. There are two bedrooms, one bathroom, a small kitchen, and a living room. There's even a balcony big enough for a small table and two chairs."

"Are you in a safe area? I know you have to walk to your job."

Not that he can see it, but I almost roll my eyes. I lived abroad for more than a year and somehow managed to survive without any parental involvement. I think I can handle living at Barnett again. "It's perfectly safe. Our apartment is two blocks from campus and my job is about a mile away. The dance studio is located downtown, so there are always plenty of people walking around. And a lot of times, Lexie drives me."

"That's good. I'm glad everything is working out for you, Ivy."

That being said, we lapse into an awkward silence. The distance between us feels palpable. And living abroad for almost a year and a half has only made it more so. Just as I'm racking my brain for something to say, obnoxiously loud music is blasted from the apartment next to us.

"Did you just turn your stereo on?"

I snort.

A small smile tugs at the corners of my lips. "No one has a stereo anymore, Dad. And no, it's the guys who live next to us." Stepping toward the edge of the tiny space, I lean over the black iron railing, trying to see past the privacy wall that separates our balcony from Roan, Sam, and Dylan's.

"Well, it's certainly loud."

"Yeah, it is." A sliding door opens and closes before boisterous voices fill the air. "I'd better get going, Dad, I still have some work to finish up." Since it's Friday night, I don't plan on doing anything school related. But it's a good excuse to pull the plug on this conversation. "I'll talk to you soon."

"Just think about coming home for a visit, okay? Leah's excited to hear all about your apartment and trip to Paris. She picked up a housewarming gift for you and Lexie."

"Okay. I'll let you know." I'm thinking never would be a good time. Even though I know I'll have to plan a trip home at some point, my strategy is to put it off for as long as possible. Like Thanksgiving.

We both say I love you before disconnecting. A moment later, Lexie sticks her head out the sliding door. "Whatcha up to, Ivy-girl?"

Talking with my dad always puts me in a maudlin mood. It never fails to remind me that we're no longer the tight knit family we once were. And that's a bitter pill to swallow on the best of days. Having to watch Leah snuggle up to my dad is still a painful reminder that he moved on in the blink of an eye.

Nolan and Nora were born almost a full year after my mother's death, so I know they must have gotten together almost immediately after Mom passed away. And once Dad sat me down and dropped the bomb that he'd knocked up his co-worker, she moved right on in.

I never really gave Leah much of a chance.

I mean seriously...how could I?

Every time I looked at her or those kids, all I could think about was how she slid unwantedly into our grieving family before my mom's dead body was even cold.

Setting my phone down on the small glass café-style table, I shrug as if it's no big deal. "Just talking to my dad."

Lexie's eyes widen. She knows all about the unresolved issues my dad and I are still struggling with. Lexie was there when my mom got sick in eighth grade. And she was there to comfort me when Mom died the summer before my sophomore year. She was also there four months later when my father announced out of nowhere that he had impregnated Leah and was now getting remarried.

After that, I spent as much time as I could camped out at Lexie's house. I would have moved in with her family if I could have, but Dad wouldn't allow it. So, I was stuck living with him, his baby mama, and their squalling twins that were born before the start of my junior year of high school.

My dad's modus operandi is to sweep all the ugliness from the past neatly under the rug and pretend everything is hunky-dory. Both he and Leah walk around with their heads up their asses and I'm the fly in the ointment that refuses to go along with it. It's just easier for all involved to have these fake conversations and keep my distance until I'm finally able to support myself.

Her pretty face fills with compassion. "Everything good with him?"

"Always sunny and perfect in John Kaster's la-la land." I give her a mocking smile that feels brittle around the edges. "Come on, you know that."

One side of her mouth hitches in sympathy as she folds her arms across her ample chest. "Is he coming here for a visit? It's been about sixteen months since you've seen him."

Glancing away, I murmur, "I told him I'd check my schedule and get back to him with a date that works."

Because she knows me so well, she snorts. "Do you actually have any intention whatsoever of getting back to him?"

"Nope." I pop the P at the end.

Rather sadly, she shakes her head. "I didn't think so." Lexie moves from the doorway to the small table that is almost too big for our teeny tiny balcony before pulling out a chair and throwing herself down. Gently she says, "Maybe it's time for you to let it go, Ivy. I mean, you've already lost one parent, do you really want to lose him, too?"

Her words catch me so off guard that it feels like I've been sucker punched in the gut. My eyes instantly well with unspent emotion. When I'm finally able to wrap my lips around the words, they sound all rough and gravelly. "Are you really saying that to me?" She, out of everybody, knows what I've been through. She knows how my dad moved on with his life and expected that I would do the same.

She winces but holds my gaze in a forthright manner that only someone who knows you inside and out can do. "Yeah," she sighs, "I guess I am. Look, you know how much I loved your mother. She was like a mom to me, too. What your father did sucked big time. There's no question about it. And you can certainly continue freezing him out or you can finally make amends and try to rebuild your relationship into a better one. A real one."

Unconsciously my hand rises to rub at the flesh over my heart which now throbs harshly with grief. "How can I even begin to forgive him, Lex?" Even though it feels impossible, I force out the words. "It's like he didn't care about my mom at all. How do you hookup with someone within months of your wife," my voice catches on the last word, "dying?"

She shakes her head before admitting softly, "I don't know. But maybe it's something the two of you need to talk about. Maybe it's time to finally discuss all the shit you both have been trying to ignore for years."

The thought of doing that has my skin prickling with unease. I can't imagine just such a conversation. Instead of entertaining the idea, I shut it down. "Thanks for the advice, Dr. Phil. I'll think it over."

I have absolutely no intention of considering Lexie's words or fixing what is broken between us. Dad obviously doesn't give a shit about me, or he wouldn't have married someone else so quickly.

Thankfully, we're saved from further conversation when Dylan leans around the barrier separating our balconies.

"Hey, gorgeous." He gives Lexie a big goofy grin. If I didn't love Lexie like a sister from another mister, I'd be jealous of just how into her Dylan seems to be. And I love it. Love that she's found someone who cares so much about her.

She gives him a little wink along with a sassy smile in return. "Right back at you, hot stuff."

And just like that, we've once again veered toward puke-ville.