"Don't open your mouth and stop spreading some gossip about me or better stop breathing! As if you were clean!" I pointed out my finger at them, "Pag-usapan niyo ako kapag may naiambag na kayo sa buhay ko. Now that you have nothing to contribute to my life just shut your mouth!" I gritted my teeth and closed my fist.
Sunod-sunod ang aking paghinga. I don't know if it was because of the liquor I drank or because of these women who were doing nothing else but to meddle in my life! I felt like my blood was all going up in my head. Gusto kong sumabog!
Shainie giggled and rolled her eyes, "Look at your clothes!" she even pointed her finger at me! I crossed my arm, I was stopping my hand to hit her face.
I took a deep breath. "It's a champagne silk mini dress, Shainie." pagtatama ko. "Oh my god, Shainie! Wake up! We're at a club! Palibhasa hindi bumabagay sa iyo ang mga sinusuot mo na mga dress. Huwag ka mangialam because I didn't meddle at your life,"
"Let's go, Heart. Don't waste your time talking to the girls like them" awat ni Hailey.
She's my cousin, I'm with my other cousins and friends but Hailey is the one who is now at my side. Maybe some of them are minding their own business? Like flirting, drinking and dancing or whatever it is.
She grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me away. Bakas sa mukha niya ang pagkairita. I looked around, I saw the smoke coming from the cigarettes and the drunk people who's crazy dancing on the dance floor.
I held my head and it felt like my world was spinning. I think I drank too much?
"They always like that! Mga pakialamera!" I shouted.
I lifted my head at my cousin. Tinaasan niya lang ako ng kilay bago umupo sa counter high chair.
"Calm down," she sighed "Ayaw mo pa ba umuwi? It's already 2am kanina pa tayong 8 nandito." I immediately close my eyes when I remember why we were here.
He's a fucking asshole.
He's a fucking heartless.
He has no right to torture my heart over and over again. This is me! Nothing's going to change. I changed but it was not enough! I wasn't enough and I will never be!
"Let's stay here for a while, Hailey. I didn't want to go home,"
I crossed my legs and smiled at my cousin. Bumuntong hininga siya bago tipid akong nginitian. I knew that she's sleepy but sorry my dear Hailey.
Hailey raised her one finger "One cocktail please," she said.
Napatingin naman ako sa kaniya. Pinatong ko ang siko sa counter katulad ng ginawa niya. She's watching the guy in front of us who's doing her cocktail while me staring at her, I'm so lucky to have her.
"About the guy you're talking about? How is it?" Hailey asked.
She knew I was crazy chasing a man who didn't like me back. Anong magagawa ko? That's my decision! My heart didn't let my brain choose!
My heart is so unfair!
My heart is torture!
I hate my heart!
"Let's not talk about him," I said with a frustrated tone.
I love him so much but he has hurt me too much.
She chuckled "So, that's it? Kaya pala sunod-sunod ang pag-aaya mo mag-inom for the past days dahil broken ka? Oh! My favorite cousin is broken!" she teased.
I rolled my eyes, She let a little chuckle escape again. Broken?
I shook my head and smirked, "He's a heartless, Hailey. He's too much. I like him too much." I smiled at her bitterly.
I touched my chest because I felt like there's a bomb who suddenly exploded. I close my eyes, my world is really spinning!
"Let's go home na itetext ko na lang sila Chave na mauuna na tayo. Doon muna ako sa unit mo mag stay," usal ni Hailey bago ako alalayaan na tumayo.
I opened my eyes because of the loud music that caused the most noise. She stand straight and grabbed me by hands. Pinanood ko siyang tunggain ang cocktail bago ako tuluyan na hilahin.
Paekis-ekis na ang lakad ko, some guys are trying to approach me but Hailey didn't give them a chance and I'm so sleepy na.
I felt Hailey's hand in my arms. I looked at her, she's smiling at the people who are suddenly greeting us.
"Mabuti naman sumama ka kay Magen, Phoebe." some random girl said.
I stopped walking.
My heart beats so hard.
My chest feels so heavy.
My world suddenly stopped.
"Of course I will, gusto ko rin na mag-inom ngayon," a girl answered.
I turned slowly to see them. I saw his familiar broad shoulder, even his back, the one I could see I knew it was him.
He's Dawn Magen Villafueno.
Ang sinabi niya ayaw niya sa babaeng nag-iinom. Ang sinabi niya ayaw niya sa babaeng nagpaparty. Ang sinabi niya ayaw niya sa babaeng lantaran kung magsuot ng damit. Why there's exemption? Why the girl with the name Phoebe? Bakit kay Phoebe ay ayos lang?
I begin to struggle to breathe. My heart suddenly beats slowly with sadness. I also feel that my shoulder is moving because I sobbed.
I heard Magen chuckling "Oh.. I forced her to go with me. She's busy,"
I heard them laugh and giggled but my ear was filled with my pounding chest.
Maybe this is the hardest part? I understand but I can't accept it.
I struggled to look at my cousin who suddenly panicked.
"Oh my god! Why are you crying?" she panicked and asked while wiping my tears.
Hindi ko na mapigilan na humikbi at tumulo ang luha. It hurts! He lied to me just to avoid me.. just to push me away.
I wiped my tears and stopped myself from sobbing "I saw him, Hailey," pag-amin ko. "He's with someone. He's with some girl. He's so unfair," I covered my face and sobbed.
Kasi ang sabi niya wala pa siyang oras para sa mga babae. Ang sabi niya ayaw niya pa pero.. bakit? Bakit andaya niya? Bakit ang daya ng mundo?
"Let's go home then," Hailey said and held me with care in my arms.
I shook my head "Let's stay here. Let's have fun," I force myself to smile.
She looked at me to assure how I reacted. I avoided her gaze and started walking toward the dance floor.
I raised my hands and started to jump. Sa bawat pagtalon ko ay sumasakit ang paa ko dahil sa suot kong heels pero wala ng mas sasakit pa sa nararamdaman ng kawawa kong puso. Sa bawat pagtalon ko sabay-sabay rin ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko.
"You're not having fun, Heart!" Hailey stopped me.
Hindi ako nagpapigil sa kaniya. I jumped as I can. This world! this heart! I hate it!
"Heart! Ano ba? Nadugo na ang sugat mo sa paa! Stop dancing!" she shouted.
I don't care! Mas masakit pa ang nararamdaman ng puso ko kaysa sa katiting na sugat sa paa ko! I hate it!
My knee was so weak that I was sitting on the floor. I bowed my head and hug my knee. Nagsisimula na naman ang ang paghikbi ko at pagtulo ng luha. Sobrang bigat na ng dibdib ko.
"Stand up, Heart! Baka maapakan ka ng iba!" Hailey stopped.
I shook my head, tapakan nila kung gusto nila! Wala akong pakialam.
"Excuse me?!" some girl shouted.
I lifted my head. The girl was looking at me like I made the biggest mistake.
Nilagay niya ang parehas na kamay sa magkabilang pisngi "Can you stand up and go?! Sasayaw kasi kami but you're making drama!" she shouted.
My blood started to boil.
I stood up and glared at her but I suddenly stepped backward when I saw him.
He stared at me like I killed someone. His intense gaze made my fist close. Sa paraan ng pagtitig niya ay parang kinukurot ang puso ko.
Napatingin ako sa kamay niyang humawak sa braso ng babae. Nagbadya na naman ang luha ko at nanlalabo ang paningin.
I stare at them who suddenly turned around and walked away kasabay ng pagtulo muli ng aking luha.
How can he leave me immediately? He always did it, until now?
I'm the one who is always there for him but still not the one is chosen.
I stood up properly, I'm wearing a cut out side bodycon that was evident in my side boobs. With an index finger, I curl my hair."Kanina mo pa ako hinihintay?" Hailey asked and laughed while hugging me.I was about to roll my eyes but she already pouted so never mind. She's too cute to be killed. She's wearing a simple white dress and flat shoes. Not unlike mine, I'm wearing high heels and a very revealing dress.I sighed, "They are already inside but I'm almost 5 minutes waiting here for my cousin." I sarcastically said.I held my wrist watch and looked at it. I'm right, it's almost 5 minutes for her.She slapped me a bit in my arms. Hindi naman masakit pero automatic na umirap ako sa kawalan. Narinig ko pa ang pagtawa niya ng mahina bago kumapit sa braso ko."Grabe ka naman! It's just 5 minutes! Akala mo naman pinaghintay kita ng mahigit ilang oras!" balik niya sa akin, laughing while slapping my arm.I rolled my eyes "Whatever!"We started walking. I walked like a model so we're ge
Pinakatitigan ko siya, even though I was struggling with many people I followed him. Some of my friends intend to talk to me but nasa isang tao lang ang buong atensyon ko.I almost run! Para lang maabutan siya. His broad shoulder and manly posture will be caught by my attention. Sa paraan ng paghakbang niya ay minamarkahan niya ang lupa.I watched him sit in a couch where Chave my cousin was. Ngumiti ako bago hawiin ang aking buhok. I gulped, I swallowed the nervous I felt. In my whole life has never felt like this maybe in recitation only at school do I feel like this. Pakiramdam ko ay binalutan ako ng kaba.Chave smiled at him "Hey! Kanina ka pa nandito? I thought you couldn't come!" he said when Magen sat on the couch.I smiled widely, they didn't notice my presence. I immediately pushed the woman who intended to sit next to Magen. No! Bitch! He's mine. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, Ano papalag ka? Sampalan na lang?"Oh! My cousin is territorial, huh?"Chave teased when I sat beside Ma
Don't assume!Bumuntong hininga ako bago tuluyan na sumakay sa sasakyan niya. I closed my eyes because of the smell of his car. It seemed like his smell embraced my heart. Nobody wants to talk, I'm afraid that if I say something he going to be mad at me. Maybe ganito siya kapag nakainom?I just focused my attention on the road. I could only hear the vibration of my chest and the fluttering of my heart. I swallowed hard, I can't open my mouth. Para bang 'yung presence niya ay isang rugby na nilagay sa lips ko. I couldn't be able to look at him because I was afraid my heart would swing!He sighed "Are you hungry?" he asked like he's not mad.I blinked twice, Nanaginip ba ako? Do I imagining some things? I shook my head. Nanatili ang tingin ko sa daan. I bit my lower lips. Oh! Stop it, Heart. Your heart will be rotten as hell if you assumes some things.I let a heavy sighed escape, I played my lips. I even played my fingers. Sana bumilis na 'yung oras at makapunta na ako sa unit ni Chave
MovedI blinked twice and swallowed hard. I felt like there's a big rocks inside my throat. He's too much na ha?I pouted and sat on the couch. Hindi ko alam bakit gan'yan na lang niya ako tratuhin. Yes, He can say it.. na tinutulungan niya ako but is it hard for him to be careful to say those words? Like I have feelings too! I'm not numb.How can I fell for that guy?!How can I fell to the guy like him?!He's too handsome and charismatic!He's too mean and so now I'm problematic!How I can hook his heart if in the first place bawal? He didn't let me in into his barrier...If he can't give me a chance for him to know more about me and even get to know him.Gano'n ba talaga? That there is time that you will be rejected. You understand that rejection but you don't want to believe it because... it's so painful.Kala ko pwede na.. maybe love does not provide pain, expectation can.I just stood up and went into Chave's room. Maybe I must first take a rest?I hope tomorrow pwede na.Hindi ko
WorkWearing my white slide slit maxi dress, I looked at the brown envelope that I holding on. I took a deep breath, Abot ata sa korea ang kaba na nararamdaman ko. Every steps, Napapapikit ako. I pulled the glass door. This is the first time I'm going to apply and I don't know if how I can handle this. I hope Magen will go easy with me.When I already entered, the smell of coffee immediately attacked my nose. It smell so good! Parang hinihila ako sa counter para umorder. I examined the place, it was vintage theme. There is a high chair and table that looks like used by a wooden materials. Damang-dama ko ang pagiging makaluma pero mayroong dating. This cafeteria looks cool! Magen have a good taste huh?Some customers parted their lips when they saw me. Of course they will. I knew they already notice my tiny waist. Actually, Some of my friends saying that I looked like a model and a very stunning women. I have a thick and strong eyebrows that makes me look fiercer. My color gray eyes sho
WaitressWe ended up here at the Robinson manila and I'm still thankful because my designer is free. I don't know what she's up to.. but yeah. She's not a famous designer but her designs are goods. I want her to be my designer everytime I want something new, she's a good friend of mine. I remembered when we're at the highschool. Parehas ata kaming nagkamuscle because of our research groupmates! The guts that my groupmates have! I will never forget that.I immediately looked at her when she sat down on the side of Chave. She's beautiful and I admit it. Well, I'm beautiful too but in my own way. We all beautiful in our own way and our own uniqueness. The only one who makes us ugly is the judgemental society and the only person who can pull us down is ourselves. No one else.It's all started with ourselves not with anyone. If you love yourself then anyone can accept you because in the first place you already accept yourself. How can others love you if you itself can't accept who you are?
LeftThe way he held his hand tightened to my hand I knew he was angry but why? did I do something bad? did I do anything ? last time I check i'm doing my job well! Kinagat ko ang labi ko ng huminto siya sa paglalakad. Ngayon ko lang napansin na he's wearing a plain white longsleeve and black slacks. Nandito kami kung saan ang locker area ng mga employee. Ang iilan ay nagulat pa dahil sa pagsulpot namin na agad rin na nagsilabasan.My heart is pounding so fast. I played my fingers because of the nervous that I felt. I swallowed hard and hoping to swallow all the nervous that I have inside my chest.Nakatalikod siya sa'kin but I still can felt the fire of madness. Kulang na lang ay umusok siya dahil sa sobrang galit at inis.Tinupi niya pa ng maayos ang longsleeve niya hanggang siko bago tuluyan na humarap sa'kin. Halos mapaatras ako ng makita ang mata niya. He staring at me darkly. He licked his lower lip and combed his hair using his hand.He sighed "W-why? I mean what the hell? Ba't
AgainI lifted my head and stare to the white ceiling. I blinked, I blinked twice... thrice before letting a heavy sighed while closing my eyes. I was about to take a nap when I heard my phone beeped.Even I closed my eyes the image of Magen and his girl still popping up in my mind. Wow, his girl? It's sound good sana kung ako 'yon but nah. I don't know why I'm really affected about it. Like I liked someone too back then but hindi naman gan'to na umaabot sa point na pinanghihinaan ako kumilos.Is she his girlfriend? I thought he said it's not his thing. I shook my head because it's driving me crazy. I immediately answered the call without looking at it."Where are you?" Nagmamadaling tanong ni Lami.I looked at I.d caller and yeah, I'm right. I sighed bago ibalik sa tapat ng tainga ang cellphone.I licked my lips "Just here at my unit doing some weird things like staring at the white ceiling and letting a heavy sigh escaped. Why? Do you have any probs?" Umayos ako ng upo bago mag-indi