Prolog

I know very well that I have crossed the line.

I've known since four years ago, that I shouldn't take anything. I should have received whatever they wanted from me. I must not cross the line because the consequences I will bear in the future are not commensurate with what I have done. I might be shunned from my family, or maybe something worse would happen.

But I'm still here.

Sitting in a bar on the outskirts of the Bronx, drinking beer, and staring at the crowds preoccupied with what the hell they do. This place is anything but exclusive, so low-key compared to other bars on the streets of New York. But only here I feel I can be free, be myself and allow me to calm myself behind the burden that settles on my chest with so much weight. Being here is better than me having to spend a second where I have to pretend that I'm fine.

I've never been fine. Maybe never. The rest of my life will end with me regretting my life.

"Are you going to be here long?" Baron, my cousin, came and sat beside me.

I looked at him and nodded. "Maybe. Father will come in two days, so I'll be here to have fun."

"Having fun before the storm picks up, is that it?" he chuckled.

"I'll be spending at least two weeks with them, what do you think I'm going to do with that? I'll be even more depressed if I don't prepare my fun from now on." I took a deep breath and let it out roughly.

The visiting of my parents was a real disaster for me and my twin sister, Gallena. At least we were freed a bit when we left Moskow for college in New York until we had steady jobs here.  Away from them so that I could loosen the corset that was pressing against my stomach and keeping me from feeling cramped, and I'd be back on the corset when they came.

All the family rules, old money, rules that tied our necks, and how cruel they were to treat us to shape us the way they wanted. I've never understood the figure of a good parent, and want that when I see how my friends smile and laugh with their families. Free to do what they want without thinking anything. Living in simplicity is such a beautiful thing when you see the smile on their face.

And their freedom is what I crave. How different I would be when I lived in a different world, with a different family.

I snorted softly, and the tightness overtook my chest until I couldn't breathe.

"Why are they coming?" asked the Baron, his voice irritated.

At least I wasn't the only one who felt claustrophobic by the Mikhaelovich family's rules. Gallena, and Baron, our cousin, were the third on the list.

“I don't know,” I tilted my head, guessing at the reason that would allow them to come here. Two months ago they came knowing that Gallena had gone to climb Mount Mitchell with her friends. Time was not good for her at that time, she was sentenced to be under house arrest for almost a full month. The reason for her work did not make my father change his mind. He looked the other way by making her job in freelancing theatre gone.

I can't do anything. Any help I give will be useless, nothing will. Nothing could change their minds, because they were like that… the little freedom we had was an encroachment on the family.

That's what made me.

Gallena tends to be reckless, impulsive, and never thinks twice about the consequences of being caught by our family's bodyguard. I.. have always been cautious, sneaky, manipulative, and did whatever I could to get away without being found out by them, even Gallena. Until now, luck was on me for never getting caught and still perfectly hiding my true self behind the mask of softeness I wore in front of anyone in the real world. Yeah, that's probably the one that will get me a worse punishment than Gallena. I know that I will not continue like this. Somehow, someone will catch me and make me face my true death.

To hell with that, the most important thing is that I'm sure that I'm ready to die when that time comes. Literal death or actually death. But not now.

"Perhaps they intend to drag you back to Moscow." Baron's low and careful voice entered my ear like a jolt of a painful syringe.

I shook my head. "Impossible." I would rather go into the abyss than do that.

"Who knows?" said the Baron. "It's an election soon. Uncle is about to get his seat and the last thing he needs is to have his twins daughter out of his sight for fear you'll become the target of his enemies."

"Yeah, one thing you did wrong this time, Baron," I licked my wet bottom lip. "They don't care about our safety. Just an image. Maybe they're afraid we'll somehow be caught drinking alcohol in bikinis on the streets of New York." I grumbled.

Baron chuckled. "Don't worry, if that's what you're worried about, I will always save you."

Baron is like my partner in crime. He was the only person who helped me out of the situation, someone who was so good at hiding me from anyone's sight, and gave me shelter so I could have fun and untie the imaginary corset that tied around my stomach, and the rope that tied around my neck.

He was just like me, looking for another world, freedom that might be obtained to let go of all the invisible burdens that were on his shoulders. The pressure from our family is no joke, and for men.. it's sometimes more.

If I fall, he will fall, and we will die together. It was bad luck, but for our situation, dying was better than being trapped in our family's terrifying world for the rest of our lives.

"I don't know what they will do." I whispered.

Baron tapped my shoulder twice, one arm wrapped around my shoulder. "Nothing bad will happen."

"Hopefully so."

I went back to drinking the alcohol in my glass, and planned to get drunk. Baron would help me, take me to his place and nurse me until I came to my senses, and then I would go home. The excuse of working overtime at the office, and being with Baron is something I always use when our head of bodyguard : Callahan, asks me.

That's probably the thing that made me still a virgin to this day. Baron even never let these men in the bar touch me.

Nice cousin.

>>>

It's been half an hour and everything looks hazy but I notice that Baron has gone off to meet his business partner : the owner of this bar. This bar is still able to get a supply of alcohol and survive amidst the street cruelty of the Bronx because of him. In return for his kindness, Jack: the owner of the bar, gave us the freedom to drink as much alcohol as possible for free. That's an advantage for me, I don't have to answer mom's questions about how I spend my money.

My body stiffened as I felt someone sit beside me. The scent of his cologne-musk greets my nose, and my neck heats up with the feeling of being watched, sneaking under my skin like annoying fleas. I've always had this ability because ever since I was little I've always lived with the supervision of many men sent by my father.

I felt uncomfortable, and I let out a slow breath. Praying in my heart that whoever he is will stay away after receiving his beer, and not disturb my comfort.

"Gretta Mikhaelovich."

But it seems he is not.

He knows me.

I flinched, my heartbeat rumbling in my ears. This is a bad thing.

I turned around, and saw someone so familiar, but I couldn't place it behind my blurry vision because of how much alcohol had already gone down my stomach to mess with my brain.

"Who .."

All I know is he's handsome, very beautiful, and blue. His eyes are blue, and magnificent. His entire face was shaped to fit one another. My drunken glance fell on his thick lips… I've never been impressed by someone's lips, and I've never had my first kiss. But now, my drunken mind is doing it, and it's the last thing my senses want.

My heart skipped a beat when he smiled.

Very familiar. God, who is he?

"We used to be close, and you don't know me now. I feel insulted, Gigi." he said.

Gigi ..

and only one guy ever called me that.

A nickname that I hate so much, that the stimulus in my brain has made a reflex. I hated that nickname, and all of a sudden all my thoughts of praising him disappeared into wood ashes that had been burned. I never liked this man, even though he already held the world in his hands.

"I forgot you, and I have no regrets." I snorted, and of course I lied to him. This may be my sober side, and I respect that because I can bring out my cynical side to someone. I've pretended to be gentle and innocent for too long to deal with everyone with my soft words that are so fake.

His heavy, masculine chuckle sounded.

How long have I not seen this person? Very long time, because the last time I saw him was when he graduated from college and that was almost eight years ago? I'm terrible at math when the alcohol has taken over the side of my head. What I remember is that at that time I was happy because in the end I would not see that annoying face and accept his asshole treatment for me.

He was a nightmare.

Since then, I've only seen him on TV, and the gossip all the girls talk about on boring TV shows, and I can only snort sharply at the flattery compliments they give to this Italian guy. I was so lucky then that I didn't see it, and not now.

What does he want?

Why is he here?

"You've changed a lot, Gigi." Amusement kisses his voice. I'm not happy with that. "Where is Gigi who is innocent and often frightened when she sees me?"

I roll my eyes with the courage coming more and more through me. Innocence and fear are the masks I always use. This man only knows the facade I have, if I dare reveal who I really am, I will not hesitate to slap him in the face when he snaps at me just for passing him.

"People change."

"Do your parents know you're here? They weren't as nice as I used to remember."

They're never nice and they don't know what I do. "They know." i lied.

He didn't answer anything, his eyes studied me silently and deeply. Like he always does when looking at me. The stares made me tremble but I was never afraid, it only fueled me to fight him. But his gaze bothers me, like it settles on my skin every night and weighs on my mind.

Those blue eyes.. fuck it, I hate them.

How can a man who is so cruel, and dirty have a face as handsome as this. The world is unfair.

"You lie. Always." His words fell low. "Gigi."

"And you're always meddle." I replied. "Nicholas." I pressed his name, and let out a rough breath when he laughed. I really don't like this situation. I always like meeting my college friends, having conversations again when apart, that's probably what I like because I really admire how they can upgrade their own lives. Realizing that in fact the world is constantly moving.

But the only thing I don't like is now. Met my senior who was narcissistic, arrogant, and moreover walked like the world was in his hands. He's annoying, and what makes me hate him the most is that he knows my family. Everything about my family, right down to my life and Gallena's who are always under pressure and rules.

The reason is that he was born with a golden spoon in his mouth, and all the luxuries of the De Sanctis, old money, world-sized wealthy family who hail from Italy. So I normalized all the arrogance and narcissism that he has, but I still hate him.

And now the forgotten hatred is back. I never expected to find him here, and ... especially still know me. I never thought that he could remember all the women he's had one night with, but here he is.. still knows my name, and my nickname. The woman he always bullied, and the woman he always mocked with the words "ugly, spoony, nerdy, and anti-social."

"I'm just saying hello, and asking, Cara Mia. After so many years we haven't seen each other, isn't that natural?" the amusement was still in his voice.

I turned to him. Unfortunately, he looked at me like that again.

His blue eyes...

His eyes are made of nightmares, ice and fire, and are full of secrets that no one wants to know. He could only be considered normal because of his too handsome face—otherwise, he would be locked up somewhere, the world would see who he really was.

Dirty.

Evil.

His gaze always felt like it was piercing through my head, digging deep and in, and taking off my mask one by one.

"Aren't you afraid you'll be under house arrest if one of your father's men finds out you're here?" he asked, and, after a long time, finally drank his glass.

He asked it nonchalantly, as if it shared the same benefits as my favorite color. Nonetheless, the question hit me like a punch to the stomach. I stared straight ahead as the back of my throat burned something fierce. He's found a weakness, and now he's going to poke it until I bleed. Hate tastes sour in my mouth.

I will be electrocuted every day. I hate this guy, for getting in my head with his stupid questions and for showing off parts of me that I don't let anyone see.

"What will he do when I tell him?"

"You can't do that." I said, flinching. Heat burned my chest when looking at him. "I'm none of your business, Nicholas. Return to hell, where you came from."

He chuckled, his sharp dimples showing. It's not a pretty smile, not for me, it's a devilish laugh and a hellish smile. "Been there Gigi, and I'm interested in taking you."

"Fuck off, Nicholas." I hissed.

"You shouldn't be here, Cara Mia."

"You shouldn't be here, De Sanctis. You don't belong here." I said, sarcastically.

"I can be wherever I want to be." he replied. "You're not like that."

"I told you to fuckin take care of yourself." I snapped at him, he raised an eyebrow casually.

"I will tell your father if you are not being nice to me."

Those were the words that came out casually. But I know better. It was dripping with all the threats that would actually happen. He even dared to lock me in his club room alone until midnight, leaving me alone with the rats that has always ruled New York, he would do it again only because he could and only because my suffering was an exclusive pastime for him. Why do I have to meet him again?

The tightness in my chest grew. And it won't get any better.

"What do you want?"

He tilted his head.

"I didn't do anything to you, why do you like to make me suffer so much?" I asked, thank God for creating alcohol. I don't know how to convey my feelings when I can't hold it anymore.

There was no expression on his face other than depth, and darkness. Flat stare that I can not describe. I can't guess anything, yet he still manages to get into my head so easily without much effort. Knowing that I hadn't changed, and was still a coward in front of him after so many years left me powerless.

"Beg."

My heart is beating fast.

"I won't tell your family this habit of yours, but ain't no cheap, Cara Mia."

This was completely unexpected, and I was disgusted by how he was always going crazy for people to get under his feet, and begged him just to live better. But do I have a choice? I was drunk, but thanks to my high tolerance for alcohol I was able to maintain my rational side. A little apparently.

I can't beg him. I can't possibly satisfy his ego. That's something I've outlined. But he can always do anything, he can tell my dad right now and then my world will crash. My death will pick me up. But I don't want to die now.

I still have other things to accomplish before I die by my own hands.

"Your stubbornness amazes me, Gigi." He licks his lower lip, his hot gaze piercing my face.

He's handsome, beautiful, and sexy. If only he wasn't a demon, I would not hesitate to throw myself at him and let him make me release all the burdens in my heart with sex. I want to taste it too. But he wasn't that kind of guy, and I wasn't interested.

He raises his hand, his thumb stroking the bottom of my lip.

But he might be interested. Maybe he's tired of the bitches that always circling him, that's why he's bothering me. Annoying me and trying to get me into his bed only to come back to messing with me.

"Don't tell my father." My voice came out slowly. he smirked. "Please."

His grin turned into a smile. "Still being obedient when dealing with me?"

"Because you're an asshole, and never take 'no'." I snorted, the heat in my body was creeping, and my head was so dizzy. I can't afford what he's offering anymore. I'm tired, actually.

"Of course."

"You've got what you wanted. Could you please go now?" I closed my eyes, my head throbbing sharply.

A muscular arm wrapped around my waist, he was already approaching. "Come with me."

"I'm not going anywhere with you." I struggled as a jolt of surprise overtook me. The heat of his body and the hardness of the muscles beneath his clothes pressed against me. Trembling runs through me, it's a strange feeling I've never gotten from anyone.

But on the other hand, I warmed up.

A growl came from his throat. "Never take no Gigi. You know that."

I was already starting to rebel, harder but the darkness just attacked me. And the last time I felt was a hard, muscular chest supporting my head and my body floating.

Maybe I'm in heaven.

Maybe in hell.

I can't tell the difference.