It controls me

POV

Millie

It’s here.

The dreaded day of June 22nd has arrived like it does every year. I’ll get the sympathy texts from family like I do every anniversary. It’s bittersweet to receive the messages because I know it’s coming from a loving place but on the other hand, I’m the one that took my mom's life, it's sad and humiliating through and through. June 22nd is always the same routine, I cry myself to sleep the night before, wake up absolutely distraught like the event happened only hours ago, and play every minute of the day in my mind the same way it did that day. I go into self-destruction mode and watch the clock remembering what I was doing at that exact moment. For example, it’s currently 9:00 am, physically I’m at work, mentally, I’m sitting at home with my mom while my dad is at work. I’m eating breakfast while I talk to my mom about the dress we’re picking up and from there I’ll continue on with every detail, living the day in a divided reality.

This year I prayed I wouldn