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Lovesick
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37 Days This or that
POVMillie What kind of fucking nightmare am I living in right now? Steph and I are still locked into our staring contest. I break contact and look down at the Playtex sports tampon. The green plastic wrapping in my hand is beginning to form clamminess between my palm and the tampon. “Steph?” I ask breaking my voice as it comes out. “What..?” She asks with a mix between confusion and concern. “I think I missed my period,” I say quietly.The words coming out out from my mouth sound serial. It makes my ears tingle. I’ve never missed my period. I’m as regular as the tampon wrapper reads. Steph’s mouth opens and closes twice with no words making it out. She’s literally speechless for the first time ever. “Like how late? A day? Two days? A week?” She finally asks. “Honestly Steph, I don’t even know. Things have..well you know..I’ve kind of lost track.” I say internally freaking the absolute fuck out. “Yeah, yeah, understandable. Did you and X? Like ya know?” She starts to say. “H
37 Days Positively unexpected
POVMillie We’re now just getting back into the hotel room I feel like I have gained fifty pounds with the amount of anxiousness coursing through me. My whole body just feels…heavy.The reflecting lights from the buildings across from our room are glimmering on the windows. I set my bag down on the miniature two-person glass table and Steph has the same. She has significantly more things in her bag, mostly junk food. Can’t blame her, she’s on her period, anything during that time of the month. I take the pregnancy test out of the white and red bag. I stare down at it, I want to know immediately what the results are but on the other hand, I don’t. Sure, I’ve dreamed of having a baby of my own one, one day but not today. “You going to just stare at it or…?” Steph says breaking me of my ongoing thoughts. I close my eyes mentally preparing myself for this. “Okay, I’ll be right back, but I need you with me for when I’m done peeing on it,” I say practically begging. “You know I’ll be
37 Days This can’t be
POVMillie I toss and turn one too many times throughout the night. It’s currently four in the morning but the Chicago city lights beg to differ against the darkness. My anxiety is through the fucking roof. I don’t know much about pregnancy and the whole process but I have to be only about a week along if it was only last week that we had unprotected sex. My old coworker at Rick Restaurant was a conception expert. She was trying to get pregnant for months and months, tracking her cycle and ovulation religiously. I wish I was close to her to feel comfortable enough to ask her my endless amount of questions. How is it even humanly possible that I am pregnant after one single night of not even trying? I can’t be having a baby, I know nothing about kids. I’ve never had a sibling, my cousins are older than me and besides occasionally seeing Isabella, I don’t even know any children. Don’t get me wrong, I want them, whenever I think of my future it involves children but this? This is not
37 Days Gummy bear
POV Millie Of course, the pregnancy test comes back positive so I’m sent down with that dark-haired nurse again down the long hallway to get an ultrasound. I feel like my legs could betray me at any step and allow me to fall to the ground. The dark-haired nurse opens the door to the ultrasound room, “this is Emily, she needs a dating for early pregnancy,” she tells the ultrasound technician. The tech takes some papers from dark-haired nurse and leaves the two of us. “Hi Emily, I’m Nina, have you ever had an ultrasound before?” She asks so sweetly but I’m not falling for that shit again. I shake my head. Nina explains to me how it’ll all go and that she’ll explain things throughout the process. I lay down on my back as she gets things prepared for the ultrasound. She squeezes some gel-like substance on a probe-like device and faces the screen between her and me. I’m indifferent about this, I don’t think I even want to see, I want to close my eyes and pretend this isn’t my reali
37 Days Dropping the bomb
POVXI place glasses into the sink, throw away cans of beer, and tidy up whatever else got messed up over the weekend. I spent all of yesterday sleeping. I drank way too fucking much Friday and Saturday night. The partying didn’t end until six in the morning yesterday. I feel like a corpse at this point but Millie will be coming over soon and the last fucking thing I want or need is a fight. Saturday night Antonio, Julian, and Dani came over after a night at the club. When I say Antonio could party, he could fucking party. We stayed up into the early hours drinking to the point of forgetting our names. Millie would probably be disappointed but I didn’t do anything other than drink too much that would upset her. I was a good boy, kept to myself, and immediately shooed away any female that tried to get too close. I fucking miss Millie, which still feels strange considering it’s a new feeling for me. We didn’t talk or text much while she was gone, which put me on fucking edge all wee
37 Days Convince me otherwise
POVMillie As soon as the words leave my mouth he goes white but there, I said it. I planned the whole thing out in my head and then with Steph on our way here but that obviously went to shit. It was going to be delicate but no, he was a dick so I decided to be one back. “You’re what?” He whispers like he hasn’t heard the words correctly. “I’m..” but he puts a hand up to stop from saying the words again. He stands up to his full length, “how?” He demands, his appearance changing to grim. “We had unprotected sex X, how else?” I ask but I know he’s ignoring me. “How far along?” He asks through angry gritted teeth and eyes losing pigment. “Between seven and eight weeks,” I say intertwining my fingers together on my lap, palms collecting moisture.“Are you sure it’s even mine?” His words tear through me like a slow-motion jagged knife. “What?!” I ask standing up myself now. “Did you fuck Nico? Chase? Or some other fucking prick?” He asks, the white flesh turning red. “You’re jok
37 Days Fucked
POVXI watch her leave and then she’s gone but I haven’t moved an inch in minutes. Then convince yourself to forget you ever met me. The fuck I will..that’s like asking me to survive without oxygen. I don’t want a fucking baby, it’s a bad idea. I knew one day she’d come asking for one but fuck I didn’t know it’d just happen out of the blue like that. I release myself from the stone position I’m in and sit on the couch with my elbows resting on my lap and my head occupying my hands. “Fuck!” I say aloud to myself. I want to go after Millie and tell her everything will be fine, that I can do this for her and whatever she wants in life I’ll deliver it, but I don’t. I don’t do it because like I’d said before, we are not living in a fairytale. …It’s now the next night and I haven’t talked to Millie since she left yesterday but I also haven’t reached out either. Julian throws a pillow at the side of my head from the other side of the couch. “What the fuck man!” I yell and throw it
37 Days The things I’ll remember
POV Millie I’m a shell of a person. The guy I saw yesterday was nothing more than a vile creature. I can understand it was a surprise of a revelation but my god, did he have to be so eerily cruel? I stare up at the blotchy white ceiling in my bedroom as I’m sprawled on top of the white comforter with jumbled thoughts. I haven’t talked to X since yesterday and although that hurts me, I’m pissed at him and he could shove it where the sun don’t shine. Asshole..“I guess it’s us against the world little gummy bear,” I speak to my belly and rub it. The sun has long set but I’m not tired, not even a little. I turn on the Bachelor but it’s just not doing it for me right now, I can’t concentrate. I don’t know where X and I stand anymore and it’s eating me alive. I won’t sacrifice this child to please him and he’s set on not wanting one so where does this leave us? As if he can read my mind I get a text from him. X: yo!!!! Needa talk Uhhh..Me: Okay, when? X: I dnt no Is he drunk?
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