11.

and chapter 11.

- - - -

Ripley’s pov

Cas kept his mouth shut, but his eyes revealed everything he was thinking.

I raised my eyebrow, waiting for him to talk, but he focused his attention on Leticia.

“I assume everything is fine."

“Yes, Mr. Hemming. It's nice to see you again. The girls are sleeping very well.” Leticia replied.

“You can go home.” Cas said, speaking like he was her boss. Well, I guess he was.

Leticia looked at me, and I nodded my head, “I have bad cramps, so we decided to head back.”

“I’ll make you some tea and heat up, -“

Cas stopped her, “I’m sure we can manage. Don’t worry, I’ll still pay for the whole night.”

“Cas!” I scolded the huge man in my tiny apartment. God, why did I even invite him?

"Thanks, Leticia, for everything. But I will be fine. The first days are always the worst.”

Leticia nodded, "feel better." She gave me a kind smile and headed to the door. “Good night, Mr. Hemming and Ripley.”

Tomorrow would be my day off from work and from Cas. I was going to spend the whole day with my girls and do something fun.

Cas plopped his butt on the sofa and looked around. “So, this is it?”

“There’s a bedroom and bathroom through there,” I said, pointing to the only two doors in the apartment.

I had an open kitchen, so once you entered the living room, you could basically see my entire place. It wasn’t big, but it was all I could afford right now, and it was all I really needed. A place to sleep, cook, and watch tv and forget about the world.

“I’m going to quickly change, okay?” I told Cas, who looked like he was expecting me to come out in something sexy.

Well, he was going to be very disappointed.

While Cas looked around, I quickly took some Tylenol and grabbed my heating pad. I changed into my most comfortable pajamas. A plaid pair of shorts with a button-up top that matched. Then I grabbed all the snacks I had bought earlier today and put them on the small table in front of the sofa.

“Sit.” Cas said, pointing to the space next to him.

I sat down as far as I could, but the sofa wasn’t really that big. After grabbing the remote and putting the TV on, I found the movie. Grabbing the blanket on the sofa, I tried to get comfortable, hoping the pain would stop soon.

“So, why is this your favorite movie anyway? Because you watched it with your dad or something?” Cas asked before I pressed play.

“We didn’t actually have a chance to watch it together. He died when I was fourteen, and this movie is PG-16. But I guess part of it is because it was his favorite movie. I actually prefer the second one, but you can’t watch the second one without seeing the first.” Winking at Cas, implying he would need to watch another movie.

Cas sighed, “two movies? How many movies are there?”

“If you count the prequels and Alien Vs. Predator, then…” I started counting on my fingers, but before I could answer, Cas was already scoffing.

“There are so many more fun things we could do.”

“Well, sex is out of the question.” I said, pointing to my lower belly.

“So it was an option before….?” He teased.

“No!” I quickly said, holding my belly, when another cramp hit.

“Come, lean on me so you can stretch your legs. I know you’re still uncomfortable.” Cas said very kindly.

This man kept surprising me, but I was sure it was just an act.

“Ley….” Cas said in a threatening manner when I hesitated. He was really not used to hearing no.

I moved my upper body towards him, using his chest to lean on while stretching my legs over the side of the sofa. This was actually a lot more comfortable.

My top moved to the side, showing a bit of skin and a heating pat. Cas put his hand on my stomach, adding pressure to the heating pad.

“How did your dad die?” He asked before I could ask him to remove his hand.

“Are you trying to get out of watching the movie?” I joked.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Cas replied. It was actually easier talking to him when I couldn’t see his expression. He could make you feel small with just a look, and that stupid smirk of his could annoy me so much.

“He died unexpectedly.” I started. I hadn’t talked about my dad’s death in some time. Once I was pregnant, that took all the attention away from everything else. "Mom called me, telling me dad had died. He was sick and had pneumonia, but nothing really serious. Healthy people don’t die from having pneumonia.”

“So what happened?" Cas asked, his thumb moving back and forth over my stomach.

“He was taken to the hospital by ambulance. They actually brought him back a few times, but he was never conscious. When we were at the hospital, they told us it was better to let him go. Honestly, I can’t remember everything from that night. Only that I got so angry that I started beating up a toilet stall. And that I cried a lot. Afterwards, they did an autopsy. It turned out he had cancer, stage four. Nobody knew, because the only symptoms he was showing were weight loss and being tired all the time. “

“Fuck.”

"Yeah," I replied. “Things went downhill after that. It was a mess.”

“How so?”

“You’re still going to watch the movie….” I teased, grabbing the remote.

“Because your mom started dating a criminal?” Cas asked. I forgot that he did a very thorough background check.

“That didn’t help, but it was more. I always thought my mom and dad were so happy, but they actually had some problems. Mom thought about filing for divorce but wanted to wait until I was old enough. When he died, she was left with so much left unsaid. With a lot of anger and unresolved feelings. And she didn’t have many people to talk to, so she started voicing those feelings to me. Painting my dad like such a horrible husband while I was grieving for the father I lost. He was a great dad, but her opinion of him painted him in a different light. Then the money problems started, and she started selling his stuff. I started pulling back, not wanting to hear about the worst parts of my dad. I’d rather remember him the way I do.”

“Which is how?”

I looked up at Cas, who was staring at me with a look I couldn’t decipher.

I smiled, thinking of my dad. “The dad who cried during movies. Who could act so silly. The dad who came when I yelled out after having a nightmare. My dad always held my hand when we crossed the street, and he was the one who made my sandwiches for school. He used to talk way too much, like I am right now. Especially when he went to pick me up from a playdate. He used to tease my mom when they did groceries and bought toilet paper. She hated walking around holding the toilet paper. He would tell strangers that it was all for her. That she pooped so much that she needed the family pack.”

Cas chuckled, “that’s fucked up.”

“We would tease him back. It was our love language, I guess. We weren’t really the types to tell each other we loved each other, only when we wouldn’t see each other for a while.” I explained. I remember when my dad told me he loved me when I went camping with a friend and her parents. I cried when he said it, because it was such a big deal.

Shit. Don’t think about that now. I don’t want to cry in front of Cas.

But it was too late. I could already feel tears pooling in my eyes.

“Let’s watch the movie.” Cas said, probably not in the mood to see me cry.

I put the movie on, grabbed some chocolate, and took a sip of tea to get rid of the lump in my throat.

Why I told Cas these personal things were beyond me. Maybe because I knew that he wouldn’t care anyway. He wouldn’t use them against me because all he wanted was sex anyway.

Or maybe because I was extra hormonal and just wanted to remember my dad.

“So how old is this fucking movie anyway?”

"1983, I think?”

“You weren’t even born….”

I scoffed, “it’s a classic!”

“I don’t get the whole point. They’re doing nothing, and, fuck!” Suddenly, the face grabber stuck to someone’s face.

“I know, right? It’s only going to get nastier. It’s amazing.”

“You’re one sick individual.” Cas said, but he sounded like he was admiring me.

“Movies are supposed to make you forget for a while. Make you think about something else. Or just entertain or scare you. They’ve always been there for me when I needed them.”

“Ripley is a fucking badass. And she looks good in her underwear." Cas said, admiring Sigourney Weaver.

“She is cool, right? She only gets more badass with each movie.”

Cas sat up straight. He seemed to actually enjoy the movie. Just when the alien came around the corner, I heard the girls talk through the baby monitor.

I didn’t pause the movie; I had seen it countless times and quickly ran towards the bedroom.

“Roro, do you need to pee or need a hug?” I whispered to Rose.

I whispered, “a hug, mommy.”

“Who is the best?” I whispered.

“I am.” she said in her sleepy voice.

“And how much do I love you?”

“A million and five hundred," Rose replied, whispering back. It was the bigges amount the twins could imagine together. It was adorable to me.

“I do. I love you a million and five hundred. Now go to sleep, baby.” I said, while softly touching her forehead to make her eyes close.

As soon as Rose fell asleep, I checked on River, who was snuggling against the wall. I don’t get why she always likes to sleep so close to the wall, but it’s been this way since she was a baby. Maybe it reminds her of being smushed in my belly.

When I got out, Cas had paused the movie. “You do tell her you love her, unlike your parents.”

He must have heard everything through the monitor. I sat back down, using the blanket to cover me and Cas.

“When I got pregnant, I decided to tell my girls I love them every day. I don’t ever want them to doubt my love for them.”

“I’m sorry I asked about your dad earlier.” Cas said, putting his arm around my body.

For some reason, I left it there. This was stupid, but it felt so nice to be held.

“It’s fine. It was actually nice to talk about him. I feel guilty because I barely have time to think of him. Sometimes I think I’ll forget him. I already can’t remember what he sounds like. And sometimes I forget the way he smelled. And then I feel guilty because I don’t think about Oliver enough.” I half-joked.

“That’s a lot of guilt.”

“Don’t even get me started about the mom guilt….” I replied with a chuckle.

“Mom guilt? It sounds like the only thing you don’t feel guilty about is turning me down.”

“That’s right. Not an ounce of guilt about that.” I said, turning my head and facing Cas with a big smile.

He just rolled his eyes at me, and I turned back. “Mom guilt is when you feel guilty for not being there enough, and when you are there, you feel guilty for not doing enough with them. For working too much, not buying enough toys, or too many toys. For saying no or not being strict enough. It’s doubting yourself and feeling like a failure because you want to be the best mom there is.”

“That sounds like a fucking lot. I’m sure my mother never got “mom guilt." Cas said, scoffing.

“Why would you say that?”

Cas was quiet, as if he was considering telling me the truth or not. “She has never said she loved me. My father never does either. They never hugged me or—fuck it. I don’t fucking care now anyway. But I don’t even think she likes me. My parents care about how I make them look. What I can do for them. But they don’t give a fuck about me or what I want.”

“Really?” I asked, but before I could say another word, Cas put the movie back on, clearly not in the mood to say more.

I snuggled up to Cas without thinking. He was so warm, and with the blanket covering us, I was getting sleepy. It had been a long day. A long week.

Maybe I could close my eyes for a second. River hadn’t woken up yet. She would probably need to pee soon, so I would wake up when she called out for me.

So I closed my eyes, knowing I would wake up soon anyway. Strangely, I felt safe.

While I knew Cas wanted to sleep with me, I also knew he wouldn’t force me. He would not make a contract to date me if his plan was to touch me in my sleep. It was all about the conquest for him.

Just a few minutes of sleep.

It is fine....