If anybody had told me six months ago that Dani and my dimwit brother would become an item, I’d have questioned their sanity. She’s sophisticated, intelligent and witty. And, well, he farts like a flatulent rhinoceros and is refined as those hillbillies on The Hills Have Eyes. Yet, they got together two weeks after the fire, when Dani expressed a sudden and mysterious desire to join me when I popped round to Steve’s to loan him The Walking Dead box set. I stayed for fifteen minutes. Dani stayed for four days. Her theory is that I am blind to Steve’s charm because he’s my brother. That he’s fun, loving, amusing and attentive. She also tried to tell me that he’s great in bed, but I acted like a grown up and stuck my fingers in my ears, while singing “la-la-la-can’t-head-you-la-la-la” until she stopped. As for Steve, well, he’s smitten. Honestly, she’s turned him into a puppy dog – albeit not a very cute one. Despite my reservations, they seem to be enjoying themselves. And for the
Chapter 1 - The Hangover Waking up with a pounding head, a dry mouth that has to be drier than a nun's downstairs, aching limbs and a random arm draped over my waist, I struggle to get up and then stumble to the bathroom. I rub my eyes and stare at the hungover, half dead panda-eyed loser staring back at me.How on earth is this my life? Who is that in my bed? Why can I not find Mr Right? Why do I always choose Mr Right-Now? Why am I always finding Mr Wrong? Surely I have dated them all - skinny boys, fat boys, still live with their mummy boys, sorry I can't stay boys and it's not you, it's me boys. When will I ever learn?And what is that damn smell? I quickly smell under my arm and then cup my hand and breathe into it, then smell. That smell would be me - holy shit. It's horrific, it's like something actually crawled into my mouth and died. How glamorous is my life?I’ve made it to the grand old age of 31 alive, a semi-decent job as a mortgage advisor, kept myself in reas
My head is pounding as I walk through my local area, it used to be a small area, however developers had thought that Kingswood was a desirable area and continued building new home after new home. I can’t complain too much. It’s become a self sufficient area, local shops, bars, restaurants, schools and even a health centre. What I care about now though is the lovely little cafe/restaurant that I’m heading to. The Village Green. They have a lovely breakfast and lunch menu. Just what I need, along with a drink to wash down some ibuprofen to ease this headache. I check my phone and see several messages from the girls. Laura, Ellie, Pavan and Katie are already there, having driven rather than walked. I don’t know how they dared, I must be at least three times over the legal drink drive limit still. Unless they didn’t put as much away as I did. There are messages from Heidi and Shelly saying they can’t make brunch, but let’s do drinks and takeaway tonight as they have to hear about my mo
Some might say that I don’t need another pair of heeled black shoes with a to-die-for heel. Particularly when, to the untrained eye, there are several similar pairs fighting for space under my bed. Others might point out that the success of a first date is never to do with the quality of footwear. That you’re just as likely to meet the love of your life in 99p flip-flops as in glorious sling-backs that cost . . . well, let’s not dwell on the cost. Let’s dwell instead on Rich, with whom I’m going on a date this evening. The gorgeous, intelligent, chisel-jawed, tight-arsed Rich. That way, you’ll understand about the shoes – and why, despite my strict rule that a first date will never result in sex, I have removed all trace of body hair so that my bikini area now resembles that of a French porn star. Just in case. The to-die-for shoes and enthusiastic depilation are but elements of a routine with which I’ve been a stranger to for the past eleven months.It was then that I was thrust b
*** CHAPTER TRIGGER WARNING *** “It was a disaster of epic proportions,” I declare. “I’m sure you’re exaggerating,” says Katie. “I’m not. By the end of the night, the look on his face was exactly the same as Daniel’s”The girls look at me blankly. “The accountant from before Christmas,” I add. “Which one was he again?” Pavan asks. “You know – the one who looked like a skinny Jason Mamoa.” Pavan shakes her head, still baffled. “The one whose nose I broke doing my “YMCA” routine,” I say reluctantly. “Ah. Well, The Village People always have had a lot to answer for.” Despite the quip, I can’t help noticing Pavan’s sympathetic look. It is a look with which I am tragically familiar. “Do you think you’re going to see him again?” She ventures. “Not unless he is run over, suffers a catastrophic head injury and he has a bout of amnesia and forgets what a moron he went out with.” “It can’t just have been the thing with the shoes, surely,” Katie says. “I mean, the thing with the shoes so
* * * One Week Later * * * “Let me get your bags,” I say as Scott struggles to get out of the car. His leg is in pot and he’s struggling to use his crutches. “I’ll help,” Pavan says. “You really don’t need to do this, Miss Emma,” he says shyly.“I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve considered you a friend for a long time and you also saved my life. It’s time for me to step up and be the friend you need. I should have done it sooner,” I tell him honestly.“I wouldn’t have accepted it before,” he replies truthfully.I know I’ll be eternally grateful and indebted to Scott for several lifetimes. Once Pavan leaves, I tell Scott I’m going for a shower. I spend what feels like hours sitting in the bath under the torrent of water as my tears escape. This is what I’ve resorted to since it happened, crying in the shower and letting the water wash my tears away. “Miss Emma, can we talk?” Scott says as he taps on the bathroom door.“I’ll just be a minute,” I tell him and turn off the shower
* * * One Year Later * * * * * * Emma’s POV * * * A year after starting at Herman Brown and I’ve just finished a huge career changing presentation. Something I never thought I’d have achieved two years ago after he who must not be named almost ruined my life. I thought I’d never be happy again, but today I feel life is finally going in the right direction. “How do you think it went?” I’m buzzing with adrenalin after one of my most important presentations ever. “I can’t believe you have to ask,” replies Danielle, perching on my desk. “The panel couldn’t have been more convinced if we’d bent down and given each of them a deep throat blow job.”I suppress a giggle and skim through the notes I scribbled during the meeting. I’ve worked for weeks on this pitch but if we win the client – a massive sports brand firm – it’ll be worth it. “You weren’t thrown by the question about contacts in the China?” I fret. “What’s with the lack of self-belief, Emma?” says Danielle, stuffing her red ha
My careers now on track, my life is moving forward and I’m order to stop Mark continuing to affect my life, I’ve decided it’s time to jump back on the dating wagon. But I haven’t practiced any self love since that night and my waistline shows it. My love-life will never get off the ground unless I endeavour to become thinner. Scott looks at me as if I am certifiably insane when I share this conclusion with him. I then explain that there is some logic behind the theory and I am not simply some Hello magazine-reading idiot who is obsessed with the size of her thighs, at which he points out that I love Hello magazine and spend more time contemplating the circumference of my legs than most people do inhaling oxygen. My argument is this: first, had I the bum of a seventeen-year-old gymnast champion and a washboard stomach that made Kate Hudson look like a pork-pie addict, I would radiate a level of self-assurance that would be irresistibly attractive. Secondly, were I possessed of such