It took me a second to find the strength to get up, he wrapped his arm around me, as he began to lead me to his car. I don’t know what was happening because my head felt heavy and I’ve cried so much that I didn’t even know how I could see where I’m walking. Elliot put the seatbelt on me after getting inside his car and he waited for a second to look me over before getting inside the car driving off towards my house. We got out of the car once we arrived then walked to the front door and he searched through my pockets to grab my keys.
“I’m sorry.” I began to say once we’re inside the house.
Maybe because I’m back in the comfort of my home that made me able to talk, but my emotions began to build up again like I was trying to catch my breath after running a marathon.
“For what?” He asked, making our way to my room.
“Of what I said. What I felt and all that was going on in my head. I was
I closed my eyes as I rested my head back on his shoulder again and he moved slightly as he grabbed his phone to make the phone call. “Hello… yeah, he’s fine now. He says that he needs you… Okay.” Elliot pauses for a second and talks to me now. “She wants to know if you want to go to the hospital?”I can feel my fingers slowly grab his shirt as if desperately making sure that I’m not being pulled away and I shake my head. “I’m not going to do anything, I promise. I don’t want to go so they can force me to stay by myself.”“He says no… I-I know..” He says as he goes back to talking to my mom. “I’m not sure. Okay, I will.”I can feel Elliot lowering his arm as he hangs up and I open my eyes to look at him. “What did she say?”“She’s coming in… Actually, I had already called her when I made my way to the park and she&r
I didn’t go back inside until I heard his car turned on and I made my way back to my mom’s room laying down beside her pulling the covers over myself. I decided that I wanted to sleep a bit more since it was still early and I believed I slept for another two or three hours when I woke up again and my mom was still laying beside me as she was on her phone.“Mom,” I called her.She put her phone down, “You're finally awake.”“Yeah, about what happened…”“No, there’s no need to tell me. Elliot was able to explain everything that happened and I think I understand what was going on,” she said as she moved to sit up. “You should have told me. When you saw Chris, the panic attacks, or how you were feeling about school or college.”I shook my head, “I’m sorry. I was going to tell you, but I never found a good time or it felt like maybe you wouldn't want to know
I continued eating until my plate was empty and we spent the rest of the night watching anything that was on television and I got another serving after a while realizing that I was a little more hungry then I thought. At nine, my mom decided to go to bed and I went to bed a little past ten, finally able to go to sleep after an hour of laying in bed. By morning we got ready to head out of the house after having breakfast and it seemed like the only psychiatrist that was available was at the local hospital and it made me nervous just thinking that we still had to go to the hospital in the end. My mom had to do a few paperwork while we waited and gave them our insurance information before they could call me in.I was trying to not be nervous because it’s not my first time meeting a psychiatrist, but it was still unnerving, and played with the rubber band on my wrist hoping the fidgeting can help calm my nerves. It might have taken us almost an hour just waiting to be calle
My dad didn't see me the rest of the day late at night when he saw my face and assumed that I had gotten myself in a fight so I wasn’t allowed out for a few weeks. He didn't ask how or why I had the bruises aside from his assumption, but I couldn't even bring myself to explain what happened if he did ask. I spent the weekend in my room feeling as if I was hiding myself away and I tried to call Caesar, but he wouldn’t answer my call and Chris only messaged me trying to apologize about his behavior. I wasn’t too sure how genuine his apologizing is and how much of it I can accept at this point. By Monday, I was walking to school when I saw Caesar reaching the front gate and I took a deep breath hoping that he would listen to my apology or hope that he wasn’t too angry as well.“I’m sorry,” I said, walking over towards him.“You didn’t even fucking defend me.” He said once he saw me.“I was scared and
Weeks passed by, I was laying in bed reaching for my phone after hearing ringing five minutes ago and I saw that I received a message; I hardly get one unless it’s from my dad or it can be Chris checking to see what I was doing. Our conversation never lasts long after a few text messages between each other and the only reason Chris bothers to text me now is because we have summer school together; no surprise we have the same class. It seemed like we were both failing in math, but he was spending more time with me to help him pass the class, and being home more was the only thing that could relax me. I didn’t mind summer school until I walked into the classroom to see Chris sitting there and I felt myself catch my breath feeling like I had no choice but to sit beside him like the day we first met. Chris’s friends weren’t in the class, which made me feel at ease since the bullying, but I still remembered them coming after me during the end of the school year. There were times
My mom had to stop by the front desk again before we could leave and I thought about everything that we talked about during our session. I thought about all that Dr. Brown said and I wondered about the word ‘high functioning anxiety’ and her explanation of the possible suicidal tendencies. We went to the pharmacy as my mom put in the order for the medication prescription and I walked around the store trying to distract myself while we waited. I came across a large three-section notebook and I reached out to grab it to take it with me. After some time, we finally left the store and while we sat in the car my mom was looking over the new medication that was prescribed: Benzodiazepines.“I don’t think I’ve heard of this word before…” she mumbled.I reached for my phone and googled the medicine. “It says it's to relax and ease chronic anxiety disorder… Side effects can be dizziness, headaches, and nausea.” I rea
Elliot stayed for another hour after dinner as we sat in the living room with my mom as he told her about his volleyball game that’s coming up and the plan for the hang-out on Saturday. For a second, I could see the concern on her face as we talked about our plans and I had to reassure her. I feel like I’ve been using that excuse far too often that I’m not sure she’ll believe it anymore but she was more at ease knowing that Elliot will be there and I’m honestly fine if my mom has more trust with Elliot compared to me at this point. I’ve felt a bit more at ease with how I’ve been feeling and I’m trying not to be worried about anything else that could set me back.“Okay, I’ll see you in the morning,” Elliot said as I walked him to his car.“Let’s buy breakfast and pick up Luis on our way to school,” I suggested.Elliot raised an eyebrow, “You want to?”I nod, &ld
During the rest of the class period, the teacher had everyone group together to work on the project so I just sat with Jennifer and Karen while they worked together while I was on my own trying to catch up on the two-day missing work assignments. Elliot only stopped by when Jennifer had a question since he’s the student-aid and stuck around for a bit longer until he was called to another table. I watched him for a second before going back to my work and once class was over it felt like I was caught up with my assignments before turning in the work. Elliot had to stay behind so I went ahead to my next class and the rest of that period was a lot quieter because we were doing a lot of reading questionnaires as we prepared for a quiz on Friday. By lunch, I waited for Elliot at the usual spot by the library and we walked together to get in line; where we also ran into Brian. We all made our way to the table and I looked over at my meal as I still wasn’t so hungry after our br