Four months later:Tuesday, August 25, 2022 3: 37 p.m.I’m sitting on the couch watching television. I stop at the channel on which people are talking about Masson’s trial. People are saying that either Masson will be hanged or he will get a death sentence. A tear falls from my eyes. It’s been four months since he is in a jail. I close the television and quickly walk toward my room. I cry in my bathroom really hard. I don’t know what should I do. I’m totally confused in my life. I have passed my final year in school and now I’m in my home. I can’t decide what to do after this. I can’t focus on my life. I don’t know what should I do now. I’m really depressed. I can’t take any step in my life. I’m totally broken. I can’t do anything in my life after Masson. Everything after Masson is killing me. I can’t heal. I can’t move on, however Grayson has proposed me many times but I can’t think about him. I can’t think about anyone. I only think about Masson. Grayson is a good guy but
We are both crying. It’s been two hours since we are crying. “Please don’t leave him. You are losing him. Please……please don’t lose him.” She says. I don’t know what to say. I’m listening her but not responding. She leaves me and quickly walk away. I’m still crying really hard. I don’t know what to do now. I have done really bad for both of us. Sky is such a good girl. I have been hating her but she loves me. She loves me the way I am. I really behave bad with her. She is true friend but my behavior with her was really rude. When she leaves my room, I get out of bed and grab the sleeping pills while crying. Wednesday, August 26, 2022 1:00 p.m. I wake up and walk toward bathroom. I take a shower and walk outside the bathroom. I move toward mirror in my room. I see myself after many days. Maybe after a month. I don’t remember. I actually don’t remember anything in my life. I’m like a dead body. I behave like dead body. I haven’t any kind of feelings left in me. I see
“Everyone has some kind of fear, some have fear of death, some people have fear of life and many other fears people do have but I believe that fear of losing someone is a biggest fear.” Wednesday, April 20,2022 2:40 a.m. I stand up from chair and look around the room, controlling my tears and squeeze my eyes shut. “No this isn’t possible.” “I shouldn’t allow anyone in my life.” I say desperately. I start throwing everything across the room. I’m struggling to take a breath but I can’t breath. I throw all the dresses out of dresser. I start weeping, my voice couldn’t come out of my throat. My whole body begins to shake, I kneel down slowly, grip the bedsheet tightly. I head down on the edge of my bed and start screaming. I totally feel hopeless and the fear can easily be seen in my eyes and through my body movement as I’m shaking and my body is out of my control. I want to scream badly. I want to stay away from everyone, everything. I badly want to go far from everyth
Monday, January 17,2022 7:10 a.m.I wake up, but still laying down on the bed for a while.“Oh shit.”“How can I forget that?”I say while putting my hands on my head. Today is first day of my college and I forget about it as I have been on vacation after 12th standard since long. I stand up and rush towards the bathroom. I wash my face and started getting dressed, put on my running shoes and get myself ready to run. I go to kitchen, pour water into bottle and walk out of home. I run for an hour and then get back to home. I sit on chair for a while and then I brush the teeth quickly and quickly take a bath. I get myself ready for school and come out of room to do breakfast.“Good morning dad.”I glance at my father and greet him. My step mother is sitting aside by my dad. She is staring me as I haven’t greet with her. So I also say Good morning to her. She don’t reply. I don’t know why the hell is she ignorant. Anyways I sit on chair and started doing breakfast. I thin
Tuesday, January 18, 2022 6:45 a.m. Today I wake up early in the morning and get ready to run. I walk out of home and start running. I’m thinking about the last day at school. It was really boring, frustrating and such a bad day. Today I’m not in the condition to go school but I have to go. Why I’m not going to school because of some shit people? I will go and I don’t care what the hell they are thinking about me. I stop and drink water as I’m feeling dehydrated. “Hey.” A voice comes behind me. The voice is of a man or a guy. I can’t differentiate as the voice is deep. I turn back to see who’s calling me. I see a guy standing and looking into my eyes and smiling. I look him and notice his personality. He is tall, handsome and looks perfect. His smile is attractive and infectious. The dimples on his cheeks when he smiles. His veins by which he gives hot flash. His tousled dark hair which are lying on his eyes. His brown killing eyes. His lips look soft
I come out of class when I’m done with one class. I want to breath and be away from that guy. I still can’t understand why he is staring me all time. It’s strange.“I told you that I know you”, the voice comes behind me. I look around and see Masson is standing behind me. I become an angry.“There is a difference in knowing and seeing, you just have seen me, you know nothing about me”, I say in an anger.“We could know each other, if you want”, he say while smiling. I feel like if I stay for one more minute, I will kill him or myself. I run from there. I run as much as I can. I run to parking area, start my car and started driving. I drive really fast. I leave all my classes. Because if I stay there I will be more irritated. I enter home and walk to kitchen, drink water as my throat is too dry. I then go to my bedroom and lay down on bed. I sleep whole day.Wednesday, January 19,2022 1:51 a.m. I wake up. I still feel restless. I see my phone. There are ten calls from Ange
Wednesday, January 19, 2022 2:40 a.m. I’m still standing near my home where he left me and looking at a side where he left. I regret on my rudeness for the first time. I never felt regret on my rudeness before. I enter in my home still thinking about him. How stupid I am. How could I do that. He has saved me and I insulted him. How could I do that to a handsome good looking guy, who cares me and save me. I’m so silly girl. I don’t know how to behave with people or with handsome guy. I’m so arrogant. I enter in my room and lay down on bed. I don’t know how will I face him tomorrow in school. I think I should take a leave from school tomorrow. But no, I already have missed yesterday’s classes. I can’t take a leave. I’m so punctual type girl and I also want to see him tomorrow. I think I should apologize him for my behavior. I don’t know why I’m too attracted towards him. He is too handsome guy I ever have seen in my life and he gives me seductive feelings. I never felt se
Angel comes there and meet me. I’m too happy today. I don’t know this is right or not but this feelings. I like these feelings, instead I love these feelings. These feelings let me fly. I want to feel these feelings. I don’t want to let them go. I never have these kind of feelings in my whole life. “Why are you blushing Emma?” She asks in curiosity. I look at her and say nothing for a while. She is still looking at me, waiting for my response. So I shake my hand and say nothing. I don’t want to share these feelings with Angel or anyone else. I usually don’t share any thing, any feeling to anyone. And I think it’s my good habit. We move toward class to get our class. I see Masson sitting on his seat. As I enter in class, he look at me and there is something different in his eyes which I never have seen in his eyes. His eyes are clean and he is also feeling the same feelings which I feel. I think. I go back to my seat and sit. He turn around and staring at me. He stares at me whole