“Want another one?” The cute bartender asks me while holding up my empty bottle. I smile at her and nod and she bounces off to the bar for me. I like Sam. She is bubbly and sweet. Her dark hair is in two buns on the top of her head and her ever present spiked goggles sit on top of her head like a headband. She completes her look with tight red pants and a black T with fishnets sleeves. We got close when the band was still a thing. She was dating the then guitarist, so we spent a lot of time hanging out together.
“So where is Zain?”
“Oh, I am sure he will be here. He was pregaming at the house with everyone before coming. We are kind of doing our own thing tonight.”
“Cool.”
I prop my feet up in the empty stool next to me as I chat with her. These damn boots are sexy as hell, but so uncomfortable.
“Tell me how you are really doing.”
Sam doesn’t pry, but she has been a constant shoulder in the last year. I appreciate her friendship and her easy acceptance of me. She never judges me.
“Hey Sam…” Before I can finish my sentence, the back door opens and in walks Z. As always, he is dressed in all black. Tonight he has add a black cloak with a hood, black boots, silver chain and his usual spike protrudes from under his lip.
“Hey Love!” Z wraps his arms around me and catches me in the neck with his spike.
“Ouch, you got me!”
“Oh shit, I’m sorry Ash!”
“It’s…..okay”
Seeing Hannah twist up behind Zain makes me pause for a second. The timing was too on point. Which means she was at the house pre gaming with them before heading over here. He gives her a hug like they hadn’t just been partying together. They are not as slick as they think they are. Z likes to keep his business private. Hannah is a different story. I roll my eyes and Sam gives me the same exact look. Hannah isn’t popular with most of the females on the scene. From what others say it’s because of her personality or lack thereof.
Zain takes off to say hello to someone else he knows and Hannah trots along behind him.
“What’s up with that?” Sam asks with her eyebrow raised.
“Who the hell knows…actually we all know, but I am not going to even speak on it other than to say that he says it’s not serious.”
“Of course, it isn’t serious, no one gets serious with her.”
“Wonder if she knows that?”
Sam and I exchange a look and giggle together.
“I am going to wonder off back. Looks like you have some customers and I want to say hi to people. Thanks for the beer!”
I stand up and take a second to balance on these stupid heels. I grab my purse and my phone and suddenly there is warmth on my back that I wasn’t expecting.
“I see you, those boots look great.” Z’s deep voice rumbles through my back and whispers into my ear.
He kisses my cheek before taking off to visit with more people. I feel a blush creep into my cheeks and shake my head trying not to read too much into it. Z isn’t a flirt and he often gives genuine compliments. It means nothing. Grabbing my beer, a take a hard pull before sauntering off to see what’s going on outside.
After saying high to everyone I find a couple of the old band members.
“Hey Ashton, want a shot?” Mark hollers at me.
“Hell yes!”
I should have asked what it was first. Three Jager bombs later and I am feeling nice and wavy. We here the band start playing, and all make our way in. I stand at the front next to Z for a while listening and dancing. They are good, but the crowd is getting a little two excited. Z keeps having to stand between me and the crowd to keep me from getting knocked down. I can tell he isn’t getting to pay as much attention to the show as he would like so I duck out to find a seat. I need two seats. One for my ass and one for my feet.
And that is how the night went. Wondering in and out, visiting with people, and taking shots. The last band was finished, and the crowd was getting thin. I was once again perched on a stool crowd watching. Z slid up beside me and gave me a hug.
“Are you having fun, Love?”
“I am.” I say with a sloppy smile.
“Are you good to get yourself home? It’s just, well everyone is going back to the house to party and I was going to go with them.”
I look up to spot Hannah hanging back just out of earshot with her eyes on us. My heart instantly sinks a little. Fuck it. He can do what he wants. He doesn’t owe me anything, I can handle a night of being on my own.
“It’s whatever. Go have fun.”
Zain gives me a little frown, but he is too drunk to give much thought to my reaction.
“Are you sure, can you get yourself home safely?”
“I’ll hang out and sober up with Sam before I leave.”
“Okay, I trust you.” Zain give me a squeeze again, looks back at Hannah and I swear I hear him whisper “I’m sorry” to me. Sorry for what? I must have imagined that. Why would he feel he needed to apologize? It's not like he is in any position to see me safely home.
He gives another wave as he heads out the door with Hannah in tow. A stupid grin across her thirsty face. I am not upset, really I am not.
I sink lower into the warm bath. Letting the water and the music try to do their job to relax me. Work sucked today. Nothing crazy, I have just had enough for the day. The heat of the water turns my pale skin pink. My toes peek out over the bubbles and I inspect them for any chips in the dark polish. I am terrible about keeping up with them. Hell, half the time they are covered up so does it even matter.If I am being real with myself, I don’t have much care to give anything anymore really. When Ryan died the only emotion left inside of me was grief. Man, I did not know that that level of grief was even possible. I couldn’t eat and barley slept in the beginning. The first week the grief stole 15 lbs from me. My parents were worried sick. They were always hovering and checking on me. It meant a lot considering I could not seem to make any decisions about anything. We were never super close, but they stepped up and we grew closer. Dad was extra protective of me duri
“I um, thank you?”Z chuckles, “You are all wet.”“I uh, yeah…I was in the bath.”“I saw.”Oh my god I think I may just melt on this floor and die from embarrassment! What is wrong with me. I am a grown ass woman standing in front of my friend stuttering all over myself. The floor can just open up right now and swallow me whole.“I thought is was a safe picture, just my legs and my feet.” I say into the floor.Z tilts my chin up with his index finger.“Would you like to take it back?”“I, I don’t know. I…well…no. I just…I”Z shuts me up with another kiss. His lips drop to mine unexpectantly. This time it isn’t a soft peck. The pressure increases and his tongue licks my bottom lip asking for entrance. My lips part and his tongue finds the entrance it was seeking. His hands clutch my hips and he
He has some thoughts; this I must hear. What in the world does he think will help me get through all of this? I hope he doesn’t say therapy. I don’t want to talk about my feelings. What’s the point? I am sick of talking about my feelings. I am tired of hearing everyone telling me he is in a “better place” and it will get easier. Shit I know all of that. Doesn’t make it easy right now. There are no point in all these words when I know all of it and I also know there is nothing that can be said to make me feel better.“What did you have in mind?”“To be honest, I have not thought of how to present this to you. It was not a thought until you sent that picture.”“Come on Z, it was just my legs.”“Ashton your legs are sexy as hell and I wasn’t expecting it.”“I am sorry, I thought it was safe. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or step over any lines
What is that noise?! I peel my eyes open and take in my surroundings. I am still on the couch. Shit that is my alarm. I scramble for my phone to shut off the annoying noise coming from it. I must find a better sound to wake up to. I have not had time to find a new sound since getting this new phone.“Zain wake up we got to get moving. We are both going to be late for work if we don’t.”Zain mumbles something and stretches his arms above his head and cranes his neck to the side. The popping sound that accompanies the movement is loud.“Shit, you okay?”“Shut it, I am getting old.” He chuckles in response.“You make coffee while I shower and then you can have your turn.”I take off to the bedroom to take a quick shower. I strip while I wait for the water to heat up.“Shit I uh..”I spin around quickly at the sound of Zains voice.“Oh! I uh….what
Concentrating at work is proving difficult. My mind keeps wondering back to Z. Back to our kiss and back to my embarrassment over the photo. It’s going to be an incredibly long day. Lunch time comes and I decide to close my project for the day. There is no point to keep working on it when I’ve had to redo my work twice because I am unfocused. I save my work and close everything out. My phone dings as a message comes through. It’s Zain.“To make things fair, and for you to stop being embarrassed….”I wait, what is he…ding. Well now. A picture comes through. My checks flame and a heat ignites in my belly. His muscular chest and exquisite abs stare back at me. I can see water droplets sprinkled across his gorgeous dark skin. Making trails all the way down to that perfect V. That is where it stops. I shake my head at myself when I open the photo to full screen to see what else may be visible. I can admit to myself I am a little d
Heading home for the day. I did manage to get some work done, but barely. My mind kept wondering back to Z and the turn our text had taken. I catch the longest red light ever, so I grab my phone and shoot Zain a text.“Headed home. Any plans for the night?”“Not sure yet….I’m sure we will get into something”That’s how it was for us. We spent some part of almost everyday together. He kept my mind occupied and I kept him company. We have spent countless nights drinking and talking. Connecting well beyond the surface of things. What worries me the most is what happens if we take this a step further? What happens when it inevitably ends? Zain is a perpetual bachelor. Never staying in a relationship for more than a month. Our friendship means the world to me. Can I handle letting this be just a fling? Ding. A new text from Zain. I can’t help the small smile now planted on my face.” What are you doing?&rd
My heart nearly stops, and an involuntary squeak escapes my lips.“It’s me, Love.” Zains velvety voice rumbles through the room.“Sweet baby Jesus Zain, you nearly gave me a heart attack!”“I thought you heard me knock.”“Um no, and what are you doing here?”“Thought I would stop by.”“No, I mean in my bathroom?”“Well, I came in here for this.”The shower door opens and Zain’s arm snakes around my waste and pulls me to him as his lips crash down on mine. I can’t help the small gasp that escapes me, and Zain takes advantage of that moment and slips his tongue between my lips. My arms wrap around his neck as I give into the moment. The near heart failure forgotten. Zain deepens the kiss and an almost growl rumbles in his chest vibrating throughout my body. The tingles start and butterflies start fluttering in my stomach. We brea
The reality of what just happened hit me like a ton of bricks. Guilt engulfs my heart and a tear slips down my cheek.“What are we doing?”Zain’s head swivels around to me and he props himself up and studies my face.“We are distracting you.” He says as he leans down and softly kisses the tear on my cheek.“Am I a terrible person?”“You have never been a terrible person. Everyone deals with grief in their own ways and in their own time.”“I know that he wouldn’t want me miserable. That he would want me to find happiness again, but I am I betraying him and the love we had?”“This doesn’t change your love for him. It doesn’t change what you had. You still carry him in your heart. Nothing and no one will ever change that. We do not have to go any further than this. This can all stop now, but you can’t live in your grief, Love. No more than you