I stood at the window watching. A part of me glad that she would be gone soon. Not that I could comprehend for the life of me why it mattered. I told myself it was because she wasn’t good for him. She had nothing to offer him, no personality and she was possessive over him when she had no right to be. Hannah didn’t know Zain. She knew the energetic party guy that everyone else knew. She didn’t know are care, as far as I could tell, about the gentle, kind man with a dark past he kept hidden away. She wasn’t worried about his mental wellbeing. She needed to go home and leave my friend alone. She was constantly showing up everywhere he was. Which meant everywhere I was because we do almost everything together. Really only spending time apart when we have work. Nights and weekends are ours. It never fails, within 30 minutes of him posting from our location she shows up. It almost always leads to her needing to talk to him in private. Dragging him off from our fun.
Finally, her fluffy blonde head ducked into her car and she backed away. Zain heads for the house without looking back. I quickly step back from the window and tip-toe run back to the table and took a seat. The last thing I wanted was for him to know I was watching. I would look like a fool. Everyone else has gone to bed so no one was there to witness my ridiculousness. Thank the heavens.
“Hey” I said looking up from my phone that I had quickly opened as Z came through the door. Zain looks tired and a small bit of guilt hits me at the thought of me causing him to have to reassure or comfort her. Only a little bit because although I hate to admit it, the rest of me was glad I spoiled her plans.
“Did I cause a problem between you and her?”
“No, she isn’t happy, but it isn’t a problem. It’s not that serious.”
“What is she asks you to choose?”
“Choose what? Between you and her? There is no choice.”
Why did I open my mouth? Why was I worried about this? Stupid drunk, traumatized brain. I know I am just afraid of loosing my anchor right now. I don’t want to be left alone in the dark again. I promised Ryan I wouldn’t break and there is part of me worried that if Zain chose her over me, it would break. He was my saving grace. His friendship meant more to me then I could ever say.
“Yes, what if she asks you to choose between me and her?”
“Love, as long as you stand at my back and choose me, there will never be a choice. It will always be you.”
Shit, that hit different. Surely he just means as a friend. Zain has never acted in any other way towards me. Never stepping over any lines. Nor has he ever made any comments to make me feel he was thinking of me in any other way. Stupid overthinking drunk brain.
“Let’s go to sleep.”
We climb in Zain’s bed and he quickly falls asleep. I turn to my side away from him. My mind is going a million miles a minute. I am still trying to figure out why I am acting the way I am. Suddenly Zain’s arm wraps around me. We have slept in the same bed many of nights. His couch was uncomfortable and there was no way either of us was sleeping on that thing. Add to that the number of people that come in and out of the house all night. We both have too much trauma for that. Listening for his breathing, I realize he is dead to the world, unaware of his actions. It doesn’t take long before I succumb to exhaustion and pass out.
“Want another one?” The cute bartender asks me while holding up my empty bottle. I smile at her and nod and she bounces off to the bar for me. I like Sam. She is bubbly and sweet. Her dark hair is in two buns on the top of her head and her ever present spiked goggles sit on top of her head like a headband. She completes her look with tight red pants and a black T with fishnets sleeves. We got close when the band was still a thing. She was dating the then guitarist, so we spent a lot of time hanging out together.“So where is Zain?”“Oh, I am sure he will be here. He was pregaming at the house with everyone before coming. We are kind of doing our own thing tonight.”“Cool.”I prop my feet up in the empty stool next to me as I chat with her. These damn boots are sexy as hell, but so uncomfortable.“Tell me how you are really doing.”Sam doesn’t pry, but she has been a constant s
I sink lower into the warm bath. Letting the water and the music try to do their job to relax me. Work sucked today. Nothing crazy, I have just had enough for the day. The heat of the water turns my pale skin pink. My toes peek out over the bubbles and I inspect them for any chips in the dark polish. I am terrible about keeping up with them. Hell, half the time they are covered up so does it even matter.If I am being real with myself, I don’t have much care to give anything anymore really. When Ryan died the only emotion left inside of me was grief. Man, I did not know that that level of grief was even possible. I couldn’t eat and barley slept in the beginning. The first week the grief stole 15 lbs from me. My parents were worried sick. They were always hovering and checking on me. It meant a lot considering I could not seem to make any decisions about anything. We were never super close, but they stepped up and we grew closer. Dad was extra protective of me duri
“I um, thank you?”Z chuckles, “You are all wet.”“I uh, yeah…I was in the bath.”“I saw.”Oh my god I think I may just melt on this floor and die from embarrassment! What is wrong with me. I am a grown ass woman standing in front of my friend stuttering all over myself. The floor can just open up right now and swallow me whole.“I thought is was a safe picture, just my legs and my feet.” I say into the floor.Z tilts my chin up with his index finger.“Would you like to take it back?”“I, I don’t know. I…well…no. I just…I”Z shuts me up with another kiss. His lips drop to mine unexpectantly. This time it isn’t a soft peck. The pressure increases and his tongue licks my bottom lip asking for entrance. My lips part and his tongue finds the entrance it was seeking. His hands clutch my hips and he
He has some thoughts; this I must hear. What in the world does he think will help me get through all of this? I hope he doesn’t say therapy. I don’t want to talk about my feelings. What’s the point? I am sick of talking about my feelings. I am tired of hearing everyone telling me he is in a “better place” and it will get easier. Shit I know all of that. Doesn’t make it easy right now. There are no point in all these words when I know all of it and I also know there is nothing that can be said to make me feel better.“What did you have in mind?”“To be honest, I have not thought of how to present this to you. It was not a thought until you sent that picture.”“Come on Z, it was just my legs.”“Ashton your legs are sexy as hell and I wasn’t expecting it.”“I am sorry, I thought it was safe. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or step over any lines
What is that noise?! I peel my eyes open and take in my surroundings. I am still on the couch. Shit that is my alarm. I scramble for my phone to shut off the annoying noise coming from it. I must find a better sound to wake up to. I have not had time to find a new sound since getting this new phone.“Zain wake up we got to get moving. We are both going to be late for work if we don’t.”Zain mumbles something and stretches his arms above his head and cranes his neck to the side. The popping sound that accompanies the movement is loud.“Shit, you okay?”“Shut it, I am getting old.” He chuckles in response.“You make coffee while I shower and then you can have your turn.”I take off to the bedroom to take a quick shower. I strip while I wait for the water to heat up.“Shit I uh..”I spin around quickly at the sound of Zains voice.“Oh! I uh….what
Concentrating at work is proving difficult. My mind keeps wondering back to Z. Back to our kiss and back to my embarrassment over the photo. It’s going to be an incredibly long day. Lunch time comes and I decide to close my project for the day. There is no point to keep working on it when I’ve had to redo my work twice because I am unfocused. I save my work and close everything out. My phone dings as a message comes through. It’s Zain.“To make things fair, and for you to stop being embarrassed….”I wait, what is he…ding. Well now. A picture comes through. My checks flame and a heat ignites in my belly. His muscular chest and exquisite abs stare back at me. I can see water droplets sprinkled across his gorgeous dark skin. Making trails all the way down to that perfect V. That is where it stops. I shake my head at myself when I open the photo to full screen to see what else may be visible. I can admit to myself I am a little d
Heading home for the day. I did manage to get some work done, but barely. My mind kept wondering back to Z and the turn our text had taken. I catch the longest red light ever, so I grab my phone and shoot Zain a text.“Headed home. Any plans for the night?”“Not sure yet….I’m sure we will get into something”That’s how it was for us. We spent some part of almost everyday together. He kept my mind occupied and I kept him company. We have spent countless nights drinking and talking. Connecting well beyond the surface of things. What worries me the most is what happens if we take this a step further? What happens when it inevitably ends? Zain is a perpetual bachelor. Never staying in a relationship for more than a month. Our friendship means the world to me. Can I handle letting this be just a fling? Ding. A new text from Zain. I can’t help the small smile now planted on my face.” What are you doing?&rd
My heart nearly stops, and an involuntary squeak escapes my lips.“It’s me, Love.” Zains velvety voice rumbles through the room.“Sweet baby Jesus Zain, you nearly gave me a heart attack!”“I thought you heard me knock.”“Um no, and what are you doing here?”“Thought I would stop by.”“No, I mean in my bathroom?”“Well, I came in here for this.”The shower door opens and Zain’s arm snakes around my waste and pulls me to him as his lips crash down on mine. I can’t help the small gasp that escapes me, and Zain takes advantage of that moment and slips his tongue between my lips. My arms wrap around his neck as I give into the moment. The near heart failure forgotten. Zain deepens the kiss and an almost growl rumbles in his chest vibrating throughout my body. The tingles start and butterflies start fluttering in my stomach. We brea