"Hey sweetie"Mom ask me as I sit quietly at the couch, I just woke up 4pm and I dont know but I dont seem to do what I should do...I just stare outside.I didnt response and I couldnt find myself to talk...I am not sure why and then she sit beside me holding my hand."The last time you were so quiet and preoccupied like that was when you just got here two years ago, and then you keep try hard to avoid me...but when Amber become your friend you sudenly light up...I guess something is not right between you two"She said, which I am not surprised, I may not know her now after dad die but I always know Mom every time I have a problem, I always see her around me if I am not okay, and she is right, I try so hard not to talk to her, to talk about what happen to me."How...how did you accept the fact that the person you love most is totally gone? how did you accept that dad isnt coming back?"I ask then made her hold my hand tight."I didnt... it never got in my mind wether I need to accept
Opening my eyes...my head hurts...bottles of beer scattered all over my pad, damn! I don't know but all I want is to drown myself in drinking. After that moment with Esther, I know I shouldn't be feeling that. I shouldn't be like this...but...I just couldn't help myself last night. As I went home, I saw a store and directly picked up those bottles of beer.All night has been a long night for me...I guess I cried a lot last night as my eyes are so swollen right now, a lot of times I tried to call Esther at that time but I couldn't bring myself to. I just can't.Washing my face can't subside it, my eyes are still bulgy as they are, I hate the cold washing my face and putting ice to my eyes but I guess I have no choice!While doing this ice thingy, my cellphone rings and so I quickly check on it hoping it is the person I am longing to talk to, but it is not, it is Chief Gilbert."Yes?""Just woke up?""Kind of why?""Well, I hope you are doing okay now. You see, drinking alone sometimes
"I was hoping you would text me or invite me to dig your snack"Felisa suddenly appeared in front of me and then sat beside me in the cafeteria."You were busy earlier at the ER and I need to visit Chloe. I have surgery on her later.""Oh, you visited Chloe though she seemed to upset you?""What? No, we are good.""You don't look good."I just stopped for a moment. I know Felisa has an idea of what is going on with me now."I-I ah...saw Amber in her room. We talked outside.""And...""I made it clear to her about my feelings, and I made it clear to myself that whatever I am going to hear from her will be fine with me.""And then...""And then, well, it still has an impact, though so far it is clear to me that she really has a thing about knowing herself first. You see, the point of telling your feelings to someone who means to you and then they will reject you in their most humane way... In the end, you will still feel pathetic yourself.""I never felt pathetic hearing all these thing
When we cook, we mix all the ingredients to make one recipe, we put it all together and we are sure how it will taste and that is how we do cooking. We just mix everything... In human feelings and emotions, we can't just mix everything, we can't do both, we can never do much, we tend to explode within...and that is exactly what happens to me dealing with Esther...I don't mean it, I don't intend to but...I guess I just hate her...but needs to understand her...try to support her, be a friend to her even she don't need it anymore and most is...I just fucking miss her!Pulling her inside the stock room makes it all non-sense to me at first, but kissing her put me into the reality, that I need to do something...I need to fix myself, I also need to understand my inner me...walking out of the stock room, I just can't believe that I have done it again, doing things that I didn't plan, makes me feel better, touching her again soothes me well.I was just exhaling and going to the elevator when
Hate versus love, how are these words so connected as always even if they are totally in contrast? I hate when Amber does shit on everything... When she just dumps me to mind her own situation, when she makes me want to understand her, I just really hate when she sends Felisa away and when she always makes me feel that intense kissing me in nowhere...but when she...she walks slowly towards me and ask me if she should stop it...inside me silently shouting on her, asking her not to stop, I walk angrily towards her office to end all her shits about me but facing her like this...I can see her pain...all her doubt to herself, I am suddenly put back to the past when... when she eagerly asks me to love her again and be with her and now all I can see is her doubting herself if she loves me or not.I just can't hold it; I am now an inch away from her. Caressing her face is the last thing I shouldn't do, but still, I can't help it. Suddenly, all my feelings just got out of me, so I guess this
"Scalpel," I said, and the scrub nurse handed it over.I cut whatever I need to cut. This is my usual day, cutting and suturing, seeing blood and human flesh.My colleagues call me Esth, short for Esther. In my 29 years of existence, I didn't expect that I would end up being a doctor, specifically a surgeon. At first I was terrified of doing all this stuff, it wasn't really my choice but my mother is a die-hard doctor who wanted to be, it's her long-lost dream!The whole day ends with an ill body and blood in my hand. Then after cutting and suturing, I can finally rest and go home.I don't have a boyfriend, as if! Having a tight job, do I have time to get one? Jeez! Even getting laid isn't part of my life, so to my vagina, RIP!Even if I want to mingle with anyone or someone, nah! I cut that thought since it just always ends up worse!There are a lot of times that I try to date anyone, everyone! But then when my profession calls... what can I do? Can I say to the sick person to wait?
AMBER POV"Two VIPs are coming, so prepare for it!"Our manager shouts, I rarely listen to her. That makes her mad so much. I don't like the VIP menu they proposed. Most of the time it didn't pass the satisfaction of the customer."Do you listen to what I say?" Sam annoyingly said.I just ignore her and continue what I am doing, but she holds my arms that makes me look at it. I throw a death glare at her and she suddenly drops her hand off me."Look, Sam, I am head chef here. I know exactly what to cook for the VIP. You see this whole kitchen? This is mine unless you want me to drop this job and pass it on to you? What would you prefer?" I seriously said and I can see how she stopped by that."Fine! Just make sure the VIPs will like it!" she said, then walked out of the kitchen.Suddenly my helpers and cook clap their hands and then tap me on my shoulder."You win the conversation again!" Demi said my youngest cook.I just smile at her, and everyone does their routine.This is my ever
ESTHER POV"You are gorgeous, more than any girls I have been with. Your kiss shook me within. You don't need a man to feel that you are not alone. I am a woman, but I am with you."I know I am a little tipsy now but I still understand what she is talking about, I can even still remember her friends asking me a lot of things though they look nice, and her pad, I didn't know she owned this huge place to live in but she is alone and that is what I supposed to know!Listening to what she just said makes me stare at her. I mean, she is really sweet. For a long time I have been single, and hearing this from someone will surely drop my panty off!I try to stop myself from what I am thinking aside from touching her face. I ended up staring at her lips and later did I know we were now kissing...I must be very drunk now, my mind is now bursting out! What the fuck am I doing!??? Am I really this single to kiss a same-sex!?My mind is trying to refuse but my body seems like enjoying what we are