A warm and soothing feeling slipped inside my heart, a strange thing that I've never felt from another person, it's all I can get in his arms.The anxiety, and the fear is still there, but it lies deep inside my heart. Because I know that this is something else: a calm that I crave and want to ease my head. Even though the only one who can give that is the same man who messed me up.I don't know what happened to me.. how can I get peace and chaos in the same person. It's all mixed up, and even I have mixed feelings. Rhysand really is the definition of gray line for me.It was the same as I was doing right now, on top of him, our naked bodies touching and I rested my cheek on his strong and athletic chest, hearing his strong but comfortable heartbeat. His hand stroked my bare back, and his slow, lazy movements let me know that he was enjoying this too. I stared at the heavy rain behind the balcony glass door which had washed away the large amount of remaining snow from yesterday's snow
I widened my eyes as the words left his mouth, and disbelief filled me. I bit my lip, and took a deep breath. Calm myself down and try to deal with him with my common sense. I don't want a commotion to happen."You agreed not to—""And the man who's become your reason, violence to me. You think I can accept it?""I know that he was wrong, and there are other ways of revenge that you want to him." I replied with a calmness that surprised me. I resumed. "I won't accept that, I don't want the engagement.""Unfortunately you can't do anything.""Reagan," I took a step forward, shaking my head. "Don't be like this, please. I—you are my best friend, and this is not like the real you."I once understood that Reagan never liked anyone crossing a line with him. His demeanor was more or less like Rhysand's. Never liked being defeated, and disliking others made them helpless. It is seen as hurting their pride. But I know that Rhysand is more terrible, he can do anything to Reagan if Reagan is s
"What are you cooking, Princess?" the voice and the hug I felt from behind me made me flinch a little in surprise.Rhysand's warm cheek touched mine, and he placed a quick peck on my cheek. I already feel that this is like a habit for him. Wherever we were he would take the opportunity to just hug me, peck me, or give me a kiss.And something inside me is still doing the same thing, still beating loudly, and on the other hand I'm used to it.I just kept quiet, and didn't do anything about it. Because that's the thing he wanted to do, and I'm just going to be quiet to accept anything because that's the deal we made. I will not refuse it.Besides, I'm tired of pretending in front of him. Imagining that our relationship would end and also that he was a bad guy made my denial feel pointless. It wasn't necessary, but I still put up a high wall to save myself in the future and put boundaries. Never spent the night at his place, or made room for him to sleep, really sleep, with me without ha
"I have to go." I said behind my hoarse throat, I stopped in front of Rhysand who was still sitting on his chair. It's already office hours, but he's still here, and I'm guessing that he's not doing companies work, but some other things. "My father is here, and he wants to see me."Rhysand leaned against the head of his chair, only his white shirt remaining, and he folded his arms. Staring at me expressionlessly, and slightly indifferent. "Why are you asking permission?" he asked, his voice cold. "I don't really care."My heart made a painful leap, but I pushed everything down, to the bottom of me so I couldn't show the pain on my face. I shrugged, and sighed. My heart didn't accept the change in his gesture for me, but my logic told me that this was a good thing, and had to be done. His cold demeanor is just what I need."I'm your assistant and I'll ask permission even if it's time to go home."Rhysand didn't answer anything but nodded behind his cold face. I sighed, and nodded while
I entered the toilet cubicle in a hurry, and chose to sit here. Maybe for the next few hours, until everyone leaves and the fucking party is over. I took a breath and let it out slowly. Unable to control myself, and unable to calm myself down. Rafaella isn't here and I can't say anything without her.Everything feels so chaotic, more chaotic than yesterday, and I can't help it. My tears came out and I didn't bother to wipe them away.Why is everyone playing with my life so easily? Why am I unable to do anything but surrender to everything they do for me? Rhysand wanted me to be his bitch, and make threats I couldn't resist, and Reagan... purposely made me a tool to exact revenge on Rhysand, which meant absolutely nothing to me.I'm just a tool.A tool to their satisfaction, and I may be less than the bitch they have.I looked down, wiping my face and squeezing my hair a little strong when the throbbing in my head felt so great."Amanda? Are you in?" That familiar voice made me stop so
I've told myself several times that I should be able to fight back, shouldn't let myself sit back while people feel entitled to my life and control me as much as they like. I've done this many times, and scolded myself. Cursing myself, but nothing has changed.I'm still that kind of woman, even when I feel free, I still don't realize that there are many people behind me controlling me like their puppets. Like a scared caged cat doing self-protection, I couldn't do anything but hug myself in a corner, and then let someone stroke my chin and comfort me.I don't want to do that anymore. I want to stand alone, and fight whatever they all have planned for me.I want to be brave and also be firm with myself so that they don't control me around like I can't do anything on my own.And because of that I always have a very big envy of my twins. And I want to be her. She never let our father or anyone else control her. Standing beside me is like the bold side of me that never existed with her co
The journey to where Rhysand took me was a mass of hazy images, fragments of dreams in a wave of pain so terrible that ran through my body.There is sound.Voices I recognized, that were tinged with worry.And then there are gentle strokes that touch my skin and over me until I fall back asleep and then Rhysand's warmth and voice is a whisper heavy against my skin, and then nothing.When I opened my eyes again, confusion swept over me. I recognize the open ceiling and the scent of dark spices and pine lingering in the blankets tucked around me, but I can't remember how I ended up in Rhysand's room in the castle. My gaze shifted to the soft sunlight that was creeping in through the large window that was obscured by heavy silver curtains. The last thing I remember is Rhysand hugging me, and then everything is blurred in a broken image."Amanda?"A sudden heartbeat hit my ribs, I turned towards a female voice.Gabriella.She stood up from the couch with a grand accent in this room. Her e
This morning New York has been pelted with snow again, and, to hell, if I don't mind it. I sat back at the head of my hospital bed and watched the snow rain through the glass doors that led to the balcony. My gaze remained there for a few minutes and I thought of nothing but one thing behind the emptiness in my heart.Everything's been fine, though. I'm already fine. Some cuts and bruises have healed and the effects such as dizziness and fever have also disappeared. Daddy said I might be able to get out of the hospital tomorrow. I'm thankful about that and then about a few things.Apparently Daddy really has decided not to continue the engagement. Rafaella said that Daddy had even taught Nicholas de Sanctis' younger brother a lesson. Rafaella wasn't even sure if that guy would bother me again because this time Daddy gave me more protection and gave some warning to that motherfucker. I know that Daddy loves me very much, and it's not just based on those feelings, but regret and guilt.