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RUINED HOPES 9
“Come in.” I smiled, hoping they couldn’t see the strain there.“We brought supplies.” Peyton smiled, holding up a grocery bag.“You didn’t have to.”“We wanted to.” She dropped down in my desk chair. “How are you feeling?”“Okay.”“It must be nice to be home,” Lily said.“It’s… nice, yeah.” I ran my hands over my bedcover.“Sorry, I didn’t—”“No, it’s fine. I just… I saw the photos from prom in the hall and it was like looking at someone else.”“It didn’t help?” Peyton asked.Worrying my bottom lip, I shook my head.Did they expect it would be that simple? That I’d look at a few photos and everything would come rushing back?The doctor said it would take time—if it happened at all.“It’s going to take time,” Lily said with a warm smile. She sat on the edge of my bed, her soulful blue eyes seeing too much.“How’s work?” I asked Peyton, changing the subject.“It’s work.” She shrugged. “I like it and the people are nice but…” She trailed off, not meeting my eyes.“But what?” I frowned.
RUINED HOPES 10
And now… now I’d lost ten months of memories.And the distance between me and Ezra felt bigger than ever.Ashleigh“Are you sure about this?” Mom asked for the third time that morning.“It’s just the store, Mom.”“I know, sweetheart.” She gave me ‘the look.’ The one she cast my way every time I didn’t react the way she expected, as if she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for me to break down.But the truth was, I was going stir crazy.I’d been home three days and hadn’t seen outside the four walls of our house. Besides, it was a trip to the store with my mom.It seemed like a safe option.“Okay.” She breathed. “Okay.”“Mom.” I let out a weak chuckle. “It’s the store. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”“You’re just… you’re so calm about all of this.”Oh, I wasn’t. But I couldn’t let those feelings consume me. Because every time I gave them even an ounce of space, fear put me in a chokehold. And I didn’t have the luxury of sitting around, waiting to see if my memories returned. Not
RUINED HOPES 11
That, for years, I’d desperately tried to break down his walls and burrow my way into his heart.She didn’t know.Few people did.Ezra knew though. He knew and yet, he’d just walked away from me as if there was nothing between us.As if I was nothing.When my dad turned up at home later that day with a brand-new cell phone for me, I thought I’d feel a kernel of excitement.I didn’t.It was a connection, a tether to all that I’d lost. If I logged into my social media accounts, I would be able to relive those memories, but they wouldn’t be mine. Not anymore.It left a deep ache inside my chest as I clutched the shiny new phone in my hand.“We thought it would make you happy,” Dad said, his brows pinched.“It has… I mean, it does. I’m just not sure I’m ready to… You know what, it’s fine.” I’m fine. “Thanks, Dad.” I hobbled over to him using the furniture to steady myself. “I’m going to head upstairs.”“You don’t want to hang out with us?” Mom asked. “I got your favorite ice cream.”“Mayb
RUINED HOPES 12
“Did he… say anything?” There was something in the way she hesitated.“He barely looked at me.” Dejection gnawed my insides. Ezra had never been open, not even with me. But he’d never ignored me so vehemently before.“It’s been a stressful time for everyone,” Lily said. “But now you’re okay, things will calm down.” She reached for my hand and squeezed. “You’ll see.”I smiled weakly…Wishing I could believe her.EzraSweat rolled down my back as I cut through the dense trees down by the river. My feet pounded against the overgrowth, leaves and branches crunching as I pushed harder. Faster. Trying to outrun the image of Ashleigh earlier at the store.Seeing her there had completely thrown me for a loop. I rarely went with Mya or Asher on trips to the mall or grocery store, but she’d asked, guilted me into it really. I’d never imagined Ashleigh would be there, not so soon after being discharged from the hospital.Mya hadn’t expected it either if the shocked look on her face was anything
RUINED HOPES 13
And I needed to keep my head down and stay out of trouble.It was the only way we were going to survive repeating senior year.“Can I go now?”Asher studied me, his gaze like a hundred spiders under my skin. He did this sometimes, looked at me as if he was trying to see past my bravado and cool façade.It unnerved the shit out of me.But this time, he stepped aside, letting me off the hook. “Get out of here,” he said. “I’ll see you in the morning.”I mumbled some reply before heading straight to my room, hoping to avoid Sofia and Aaron. Neither of them appeared, and I breathed a little easier as I slipped into my bedroom at the back of the house.It was so different to any of the rooms I’d had in foster care. Big and spacious with two windows that overlooked the yard, and the lake beyond that. It was still decorated in gray and blue tones from when I’d first arrived. Mya had begged me to let her redecorate last year, to change it to something more to my taste. But I hadn’t wanted it.
RUINED HOPES 14
“She’s worried about you.”Four little words I didn’t want to hear.Four little words I didn’t deserve to hear.She let out a frustrated huff when I didn’t reply. “Seriously, Ezra, what the hell is wrong with you? I tell you Ashleigh is worried about you, after everything she’s going through and you’re just standing there, gawking at me.”“She shouldn’t be,” I gritted out, every word like glass in my throat.“Shouldn’t be what?” She pursed her lips, judgment swirling in her steely gaze.“She shouldn’t be worried about me.” I barged past her, but Lily grabbed my wrist. My eyes dropped to where she was touching me and then flicked upwards. Lily scowled, instantly dropping my arm.“You know, sometimes I wonder what she sees in you.”As I walked away from her, only one thought ran through my head.You’re not the only one.Ashleigh“Ashleigh, Lily’s here,” Dad boomed up the stairs.I checked my reflection again, nervous energy zipping around my stomach. After too many days cooped up in the
RUINED HOPES 15
“It’s good to have you back, Ashleigh.”“Thanks.”But as Lily backed out of my driveway, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a really bad idea.Riverside was crowded. Kaiden and Gav kept close to me and Lily as we navigated the streams of people wandering along the promenade.“What shall we do first?” Lily asked.“I could eat. They have a taco stand.” Kaiden dropped a kiss on her head.He was sweet with her. Always touching some part of her, holding open the car door, and guiding her around the place with a hand to the small of her back.Kaiden was one of the good guys.And I was so happy she’d found him. Lily was a different girl to the girl I remembered. In some ways, our roles had reversed. I had become the shy, uncertain girl afraid of her own shadow. Except it wasn’t my shadow I feared; it was ten months of lost memories and the knowledge that I might never get them back.“Ashleigh?” he asked.“Sounds good.”We managed to find a table and the guys joined the line.“You goo
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“Here, let us help.” Lily grabbed a wad of napkins, and we began mopping up the mess.“Thank you. I didn’t see the table until it was too late. I’m practically sleepwalking.”We finished cleaning up and the woman hovered. “I’m Penelope by the way.”We all shared a strange look, but Lily smiled at her. “I’m Lily. This is my boyfriend, Kaiden, and my friends Ashleigh and Gav.”“It’s nice to meet you. I appreciate the help.” A blush worked its way up her neck and into her cheeks. “Well, I guess I should get going. I’m meeting a friend.”“Have fun,” Lily replied.“Bye.” Penelope lifted her hand in a small wave and walked off, one soda lighter.“Well, that wasn’t weird at all.” Gav snickered.“Don’t be mean,” Lily said. “She seemed nice.”“Nicer than Candice,” I mumbled.“At least you won’t have to put up with her next semester.” Gav stuffed half a taco in his mouth.“He has a point,” Kaiden said. “Candice Willis is a bitch.”“She is,” Lily agreed. “But I heard her sister Zara is ten times
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