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RUINED HOPES 1
ProloguePain.That’s all I could feel.Excruciating, blistering pain.“H-help…” I forced the word from my lips in an agonizing breath. My lungs felt tight, burning me from the inside out.Something was wrong.Very wrong.I tried to shift against the crushing weight, but pain lashed up and down my spine, exploding inside me.A whimper tore from my throat.“A-Ashleigh,” a voice called out to me from the darkness. “Fuck.”Something crackled. Heat licking up my skin. I tried to strain against the darkness again, but it was futile.I couldn’t see.I was powerless. Alone.Except, I wasn’t alone… was I?“H-help,” I choked out again, blindly trying to reach out and find something—anything—to help me.Think, dammit. Think, Ashleigh.But it hurt too much.Everything hurt.My limbs, my muscles, my head. At least I could feel everything. My arms and legs, fingers and toes. Everything felt whole.That was a good sign, wasn’t it?Wasn’t it?“Ashleigh,” a voice cried out from the darkness. “Hold on
RUINED HOPES 2
“Everyone’s worried sick,” Mom said, eventually breaking the heavy silence. “Avery spent the first three nights camped downstairs in the family room. He point blank refused to leave.”“H-he did?” My brother was supposed to be in Indiana, so it touched my heart knowing he’d rushed back to be at my side.“I don’t want him jeopardizing his junior year,” I said. Avery played football for Notre Dame and had a real shot at going pro. “Once he’s seen I’m okay, he needs to go back. I won’t be the reason he messes up his—”They shared a strange look.“What?” I asked.“Nothing, sweetheart.” Mom squeezed my hand.Just then, the doctor came into the room. At least, I assumed he was the doctor given his appearance. “Ah, Ashleigh, it’s so good to see you’re awake.” He greeted my parents before his attention came back to me. “I need to examine you, Ashleigh, if that’s okay?”“Yes, of course.”“It shouldn’t take long. Did your parents fill you in on what happened?”“I was in an accident.”“You were.
RUINED HOPES 3
Finals.Prom.Graduation.My entire high school experience had been blown wide open, leaving a gaping hole right at the heart of what should have been the best year of my life.Mom and Dad had tried to talk to me about it, about college and all the important things I’d missed, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie there and be a bystander to almost a year of my life.So I’d faked a headache and asked them to let me rest. But sleep didn’t come, and I’d been lying here for too long, trying to will the memories back into existence.The door opened and my brother peeked inside.“Avery,” I breathed.“Hey, Leigh Leigh. Mom and Dad said you were sleeping but I had a feeling you—oh shit, Sis, don’t cry.”But the floodgates had torn open, big fat ugly sobs spilling out of me like a torrent.“Hey, it’s okay.” He rushed to my side and took my hand in his. “It’s okay.”“Is it?” I choked out. “I can’t remember, Ave. I can’t remember any of it.”“Fuck,” he hissed. “I… I don’t know what to say.”“The
RUINED HOPES 4
“That’s great, sweetheart. I’ll tell her you’re ready for visitors.”“Jeez, Dad. Don’t make it sound so weird.”He smiled but it slipped. “You’ll get through this, Ashleigh. I know you will.”I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Because there was no guarantee. Even if my memory returned, the doctor said I might have permanent gaps.Parts of my life… vanished.Forever.It was a lot to wrap my head around.But what choice did I have?“Ashleigh?” My cousin peeked around the door, and I smiled.“You’re here.”“I am.” She came over, pulling a stuffed toy from behind her back. “For you.”“Thank you.” I took the bear from her, running my hands over its soft fur.“How are you feeling?” Lily sat down in one of the chairs beside my bed.“I feel okay. The whole memory loss thing is weird but I’m dealing.”“I’m so sorry.” Tears glittered in her eyes. “I can’t even imagine—”“Please, don’t. I just want to talk. Mom said you and Kaiden are getting ready to move to Penn State. I can’t believe you
RUINED HOPES 5
“Yeah, they were so happy about it.”This was hard. I wanted to see Ezra, to make him tell me everything. But he didn’t handle change well. And everything was different now.Not to mention the fact he’d walked away from the accident unscathed, and I hadn’t.“I’m so pleased for them all. Ezra needs family,” I said. “He needs to know he belongs.”But Lily wasn’t smiling. In fact, she looked downright miserable.“What is it? What’s wrong?” I asked.“There’s something else, something about Ezra…”Oh God.My heart ratcheted in my chest.Had he finally met someone? A girl he wanted to open his heart to?I’d always held out hope that one day I would burrow through his walls and find a way inside. But that dream would wither and die if he’d found someone else.“Did he… did he meet someone?” My stomach twisted, anticipating the pain that would follow if she confirmed my worst fear.“What? No. No, it’s nothing like that.”“It isn’t?” Sweet relief slammed into me.There wasn’t someone else.Whic
RUINED HOPES 6
I knew what he wanted—he wanted things to be okay between all of us.But it was easy for him. He was Asher and Mya’s biological son. He was a part of them.I was… different.I appreciated everything they’d done for me over the years, appreciated that they’d cared enough to want to keep me and make it official by adopting me.But I wasn’t like them.The Bennets were a close-knit family. Aaron, his twin sister Sofia, and their parents Asher and Mya. They had a tight group of friends and family. A whole network of people in Rixon who had their backs.I’d been a part of their lives for seven years, but the truth was, I’d always been on the outside looking in. The piece of the puzzle that didn’t quite fit.And now I was the bitter disappointment.But that was my M.O., and no matter how hard I tried to break the cycle, I ended up back at square one. Sabotaging everything good in my life.“I keep thinking about Leigh, about what it must be like, waking up with ten months of your life just go
RUINED HOPES 7
I couldn’t think of anything worse than training with the Rixon Raiders under Coach Ford’s leadership. Ashleigh was his niece for fuck’s sake. It was a disaster waiting to happen.One I wanted no part of.“Here you go,” one of the regular servers, a sweet girl called Penny, said as she delivered our drinks. She flashed me a warm smile. “Your food will be out in a minute.”“Thanks, Pen,” I drawled.“Any time, E.” Her cheeks flushed as she hurried away.“Friend of yours?” Aaron craned his neck to get a better look at her retreating form. “She’s cute.”“Sure, if you like that kind of thing.”He snorted. “And you’re telling me, you don’t?”“Pen is… cool.”“Cool, yeah. The way she was looking at you, bro, so cool.” He smirked, glancing back over to where Penny was wiping down the counter. She glanced over and flashed us a bright smile.“I don’t recognize her from school.”“She’s at college, asshole.”“Nice. Where does she go?”“Rixon Community College.”“You should ask her out.”“What?” I
RUINED HOPES 8
And I hated it.But I had two choices. I could choose to succumb to the gnawing devastation and grief I felt every time I let myself go there, or I could face this thing head on.As Mom and Dad walked me out of the hospital, giving me time to go at my own pace, I was somewhere in the middle. I didn’t want to let my new reality overshadow my future. But I also wasn’t ready to embrace the possibility that my memories—the last ten months of my life—were lost.“Ashleigh?” Mom touched my arm and I blinked up at her. “The car…” She motioned to where Dad’s SUV pulled up in front of us.At least some things were the same.A small smile played on my lips as I climbed into the back seat.“It’ll be good to get you home,” Mom said, glancing back at me as she buckled up. “The doctor said being in familiar surroundings might help.”“Hailee,” Dad said, quietly.“It’s okay, Dad. You guys don’t need to do that.” Whisper and confer as if they were plotting behind my back. I understood my diagnosis, the
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