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CHAPTER 54: AUSTIN
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TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 55: MAGGIE
My eyes scaned the room, and I sighed in relief when I saw I had beaten both Austin and Jack to class. Every part of me wished it was a day where we didn’t share a class, but it just doesn’t work that way. This is real life, and as my Nanna always said, real life likes to kick you when you’re down.I sat down at my desk and remembered who sat with me. Shit. I dropped my head, resting it on the table.“Crap,” I muttered.The chair next to me squeaked. “If you’re trying to hide, babe, then you’re doing a shit job. I can see you.” Austin’s words curved around me, wrapping me in a smooth caress, and my throat went dry.“Why would I be hiding?” I sat up and forward, determined not to meet his eyes.He shrugged a shoulder carelessly, grabbing his pen and twirling it between his fingers. God – I hated it when he did that. I caught his every movement from the corner of my eye. His eyes were burning in the side of my head, begging me to turn, begging to look at him.“Because you want me so bad
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 56: AUSTIN
I glared at Jack. “For the tenth fucking time, I did not sleep with Maggie this weekend.” But not for a lack of damn well trying.Jack folded his arms across his chest. “She seemed more pissed at you than usual in class.”I shrugged a careless shoulder. “Probably because I pissed her off more than normal on Saturday night.”Josh grinned. “She did look like she wanted to wring your balls after you spoke to her at the bar.”“Yeah well, even if she did wring them, I wouldn’t have been hard pressed to find someone to kiss them better afterwards, would I?”“Shit, man.” Jack shook his head and sat down. “Was I really this much of a fucking asshole before Sandra?”Josh threw his cell in the air and caught it. “Yep.”“Difference with me and you, dude,” I said, “is that I can admit I’m an asshole. You thought you were fuckin’ Jesus or somethin’.”“That’s because I am – behind closed doors.” He grinned like the smug bastard he was. “At least you didn’t try it with Maggie.”“I don’t know why you
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 57: MAGGIE
“He really is an asshole,” Kayle said, spying Austin across the yard.He was standing in front of a girl with more highlights than my e-reader, and she was doing her best to push up her chest into his face. He smiled slowly at her, resting his arm against the tree next to him. She twirled some hair around her finger, attempting what she thought was a demure smile, and looked into his eyes.“I see he took the conversation we had two days ago to heart,” Leila remarked.“What conversation was that?” Sandra asked.“I told him he needed to find a nice girl.”“You obviously have different definitions of the word ‘nice’,” I said, harsher than I meant to. “Because the only thing nice about her will be when she turns around and leaves.”Kayle snorted. “I freaking love it when you guys get jealous.”My head snapped round. “Who said I was jealous?”“You’re so green you’re practically blending in with the grass.”“Right. Because being jealous of anyone with Austin is so likely.”Yet I was jealous
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 58: AUSTIN
Time went too fast. Too fucking fast.Since I kissed Maggie, I had slowly retreated into my own mind. Every day brought a fresh set of memories, slicing open a fresh set of scars. Every day cut open a new wound that bled for hours. Every set of memories started a fresh onslaught of cuts inside my mind that would never heal. Each one had its own shape, it was own meaning, it was own pain.Each one was a reminder of why I couldn’t give Maggie what she deserved. Each one was a reminder why I should have stayed away from her in the first place and why I should now.Broken. Shattered. Mismatched.They were the first three words I thought of when I had to describe myself. They sprung to mind instantly.Useless. Worthless. Nothing.They were the next three. The words that were drummed into my mind so many times, by so many voices, for so long. They were the words that crept under your skin, worm their way into you and never left.A good word can linger with you for a few fleeting moments whi
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 59: MAGGIE
My bed smelled like him, and I was being a total teenage girl by snuggling under the covers instead of getting up. It was a spicy scent that was so out of place in California, but so right for him.I felt a little like Juliet right now, secretly in love and holding onto it desperately. Of course that was probably much more suitable for a thirteen year old to do than me, but I’ll take it because it was all I had.The idea of telling Jack crossed my mind. Why not? That was the decent thing to do – the right thing to do. I should just tell him and get it over with. He’ll probably ignore me for a few days and okay, punch Austin, but surely that would be easier than pretending?No, it wouldn’t. Telling him would mean admitting that both of us lied about last weekend – kind of. A lie of omission. Telling him would just cause unnecessary pain for all of us. It would tear Jack up and it would tear Austin and me apart before we’d even been together.But were we even together? I had no idea. No
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 60: AUSTIN
You’re worth nothing. You’re no better than your whore of a mother.Her body against mine. Hand on hand. Skin on skin.You think anyone will ever want you, you brat? They won’t.The softness of her hand against mine.You are nothing.The gentle aroma of vanilla that was settling on her hair.No one will want you. Maggie. You’re no better than her. I’m not there. Little rat. I’m here. With Maggie.Maggie.The warmth of her body against my back grounded me, holding me in the now when all my mind wanted to do was give in and go back. Give in and go back to the time of my life I didn’t want anyone exposed to. The time I didn’t want Maggie exposed to.I knew I needed to leave. Now. I needed to push her window open and climb down that fucking tree.Instead I turned and held her to me.My hands splayed across her back, my fingertips digging into her skin, and she wrapped her arms around my waist. Her face pressed into my neck and she brushed her lips across my collarbone, a feather light tou
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 61: MAGGIE
“Come on!” Kayle begged. “It’s Sunday. Who the fuck does school work on a Sunday?” “I do,” I told her. “It has to be in tomorrow, so I have to do it.” “Didn’t you stay in last night to do this?” She raised her eyebrow. “Yes.” “So why didn’t you do it?” Because I was busy with my sort-of-almost-boyfriend. “Because I fell asleep early.” “You never go to sleep early.” “Oh my God! What is this? Interrogate Maggie time?” I slammed my pen down and looked up at her. “Do you want me to tell you my turn-on spot while you’re here? Shit, Kayle!” She snorted. “No offense, babe, but I’m not really into you like that, so we’ll pass on the turn-on spot. But why were you asleep early?” “Gee, I don’t know, Kayle. Why do people usually go to sleep? Could it be because they’re tired?” I sighed. “Shit the bed, someone is expecting Mother Nature!” “Not for two to three weeks.” “Then you must be pregnant … Oh wait–” “Kayle? Go fuck yourself.” “I’m going,” she muttered, pulling the door open. “
TOXIC LOVE CHAPTER 62: AUSTIN
“Remember where you’ve been to see how far you’ve come,” I mumbled to myself, pushing the psych paper aside. “Yeah alright, Gramps. Fuckin’ helps if you’ve actually got somewhere, though, doesn’t it?”I pushed the heels of my hands into my eyes, rubbing harshly. Hear something enough and it’ll be burned into your body, scarring your skin and tattooing itself in your mind. It didn’t matter how long ago the words were said. It just mattered that they were.Thirteen years and I didn’t feel like I had got anywhere. So what if I was not the scared little boy in the corner anymore? He was still inside. He was still afraid, still shivering. He was still bruised, he was still broken, and he was still beaten.Just because I appeared not to give a fuck didn’t mean I actually didn’t. Not everyone was what they seemed, and I was one of those people. I didn’t even know who I was, because I spent so much time fighting against who I didn’t want to be. I had no time to be who I wanted to be. I had no
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