005: Lost

Lara

It's been raining for about an hour and I'm soaked.

I'm not allowed entrance to the hotel. I don't think I've ever felt this kind of humiliation before. Everyone who walks past the hotel sees me standing right outside, soaked to the bone. I wonder if they know who I am and whether they're gossiping about it.

Who cares, anyway? That's not my biggest concern at the moment. I have to convince my father that last night was a mistake and anyway, things weren't as they seemed. I didn't think he'd judge me for what happened, especially after he understood that Vaughan and I could never be together.

I wish I'd explained to him earlier but panic made me shut down. My face is still stinging from his slap, but I try to convince myself that he's just angry. He'll apologize once he understands.

I'm putting my faith in that.

So, I wait. Some of the guests have already started leaving so soon enough, they'll walk through the doors. All I need is a few minutes to explain my situation and maybe even convince my brother to tell the truth. Maybe that's happening right now. I doubt Finch would let our father do this to us. He was flustered last night but he's good. I know him.

He won't let me down.

It keeps on raining and I'm shivering uncontrollably. Still, I keep waiting. When my father finally strides out of the hotel, sunglasses on his face, I rush toward him. His security guards block my way, which makes me confused but I don't have time to deal with them.

"Dad! Dad, please. I just need you to listen to me."

His car rolls up and another security guard opens the door for him. No. Panic seizes me immediately. I can't let him leave without explaining this. What am I supposed to do? He can't exile me.

"Dad!" I exclaim, rushing toward the car. "Dad, I didn't do it on purpose! I can't be with Vaughan. He and Finch...Dad? Dad!"

He gets in the backseat, closes the door, and the car immediately speeds off. I stare in disbelief, my heart breaking into tiny pieces. He didn't even look at me.

How am I supposed to explain?

His security guards are still holding me. I know these men. I grew up with them around. I shoot them both a venomous glare and then rip my arms from their grasps. "Let go of me! What the hell is wrong with you!?"

Their eyes are on me as I step back angrily. I can't believe this is happening to me. The guests leaving the hotel are all looking at me. Heavy judgement lingers in their eyes, and I suddenly realize that they know what happened. Somehow, they know. No, this is a nightmare. This can't be real.

My thoughts are interrupted by Finch and Vaughan walking out, side by side. I can't read their faces. Then again, I don't care to. I approach them and this time, no security guard holds me back. I spot Vaughan's family behind them, and they're all looking at me. No, glaring so the better word.

"What the hell is wrong with you two!?" I yell. "How can you let this happen to me when you know the truth!?"

Finch barely looks at me. I can't process the disappointment I feel on time because Vaughan steps forward, an envelope in his hand, which he holds out. "The truth? Yes, we know the truth. You're nothing but a filthy whore and I won't have a spoiled mate!"

I stagger backward. "What? What the hell are you talking about!?"

He flings the envelope at me. It hits my face. Photographs fall from it, landing all around me, some of them catching rain. It takes me a moment to register what I'm looking at. They're photos of me and that man on the rooftop. It's very clear that we're having sex. The photos show my face clearly, but only the back of his body is visible, not his face.

When I look up, the Dabrowskis and my brother are already reaching the car. I abandon the photos where they are and rush after them. "You know damn well that these photos don't change anything! Finch!"

My brother turns to me sharply while his lover and his family get in the back of their SUVs. Neither of them look at me. It's like I don't exist. Finch practically rams into me; he's emanating an aggression that I've never seen in him.

"You fucked up, Lara. That's all there is to it! I told you to fucking keep your mouth shut but you didn't want to listen! You're the one who started this fight, not me. Dad won't see you. You're out of the pack. From now on, you're nothing to us, so don't show up at the house and don't fucking open your mouth and talk about Vaughan and I because nobody will believe you! To everyone, you're nothing but a whore who slept with a man on the night of her engagement. Your sullen face at the party didn't help either. It was clear that you didn't want to be there. I won't even mention the photos."

I blink back tears. "But you know the truth. How can you let this happen when you know? You're my brother! My brother!"

Finch steps back and shakes his head. His baby blue gaze is stone cold. "If you try to say anything, you'll die. Vaughan isn't playing around. He'll have you killed. So, leave the city and go somewhere far away from here and forget we ever existed if you want to stay alive. I'm not your brother anymore. Like I said, you're nothing to any of us now."

With that, Finch steps away from me. I'm at a loss for words. I watch him disappear like everyone else and feel so lonely. So impossibly lonely. I glance around. Where do I go? What do I do? I don't have any money. I have nothing but this wet dress, these heels, and that man's semen on my stomach.

Someone approaches me. The hotel's manager. His face is tight as he says, "Madam, I'll have to ask that you leave the premises. You're giving us a bad look. If you don't remove yourself, I'll be obliged to call the authorities and have you physically removed."

He then stands there and waits for me to leave. Wasn't he the one who received us when we got here? Yes, I remember it clearly. He shook my hand and congratulated me on my engagement. Now, he's kicking me out.

I turn away from him and cross the street. The wet dress clings to my legs as I move. The sky is gray and thunder rumbles in the distance. It won't stop raining anytime soon, and I have nowhere to take shelter.

This city isn't even familiar to me. I'm so far away from home.

Tears well in my eyes as I walk down the sidewalk. Some people walk past me under their umbrellas. They're ordinary people who know nothing about my ruination and scandal. I wish I was like them. Ordinary. Oblivious. Wearing warm, dry clothes and under an umbrella.

I've never wanted to be ordinary more than I did now. Look at where my luxurious life and important acquaintances led me.

I reach an alleyway and spot a blue tent. Its flap is blowing in the wind but it seems to be solidly on the ground. It's not going to blow away. Plus, the rain wouldn't reach me under there.

I hesitate for a moment before crawling into since it's vacant. The smell is horrible, so much that it makes me gag. What is this smell? I can't even identify it. Nevertheless, it's shelter, and I don't have to be in the rain. The blankets under my body are torn and I'm getting them all wet, which makes them stink even more, but this is better than nothing.

I shiver and cry for the longest time as the rain beats down on the tent. It's so cold, so bitterly cold. I tuck my hands between my thighs and cry for the disaster that is my life. I'm not sure how much time passes. Maybe it's an hour. Maybe longer.

I hear a gasp that makes me open my eyes and look up. A woman in her fifties is staring at me through the gap of the tent. She's wearing a bright yellow raincoat. "Sweetheart, are you alright?"

Her amber eyes are wide and warm. I feel no fear when I look at her. She continues by saying, "If you're cold, I have a place for you to stay. The shelter is much warmer than this tent, and you can have a cup of soup to warm you up. Won't you consider it?"

So, I leave the tent and go with her to the shelter. It's just around the corner. She's right; it's much warmer than the streets. I'm given a new change of clothes, clothes given to the shelter as donations, and a warm bed to sleep in.

I don't know how long I sleep for. I lose track of time in this place.

When I wake up, the kind woman who helped me, Melissa, asks me basic questions. She asks me who I am and whether I’m lost. Before answering her, I think very clearly of my answers.

I’m a Lycan but can’t tell anyone that. As long as I keep that to myself, nobody will know. I’ll be safer that way. So, I give her a fake name, one of the many I’ll use throughout my life, and ask her how I can get to Elwood.

It’s the only place I can think to go.

“It’s quite far from here,” she tells me, her hands clasped under her chin. She’s looking at me with so much pity in her eyes. “It’s deep in the woods, and you’d need a lot of help to find it.”

Elwood is a small town where mostly rogues live. The reason why I’m interested to go there is because there’s someone there I can trust; the only person I can think of during my time of need.

My father rarely talked about her but I know enough to try to find her.

My grandmother.

“It’s the only place I can think to go,” I tell Melissa. “I have a relative there. Do you know how I can maybe try to get there?”

And so, Melissa arranges for me to be taken to Elwood, where, for the first time in ten years, I’ll see my grandmother. It’ll be good to leave this place and all these memories behind.

The load will be too heavy to carry all the way there anyway.