137–Blind Beauty 1

ZENA

Rage.

Despair.

Pain.

Those were the feelings that sum up the entire twenty years of my life. I have never gone a full day without feeling either one of them. It was like a stage, one I ascended to or descended down from.

I was more familiar with rage because it was the only way I could express how I felt without feeling weak. Without being looked down on like a mere child with confused hormones, throwing tantrums. I would rather rave and tear the whole world down than let them see through me.

And then when I am alone, I descend into despair.

My loss becomes more apparent and the feeling of hopelessness creeps in. The feeling that nothing would change no matter what I do. That my life would forever remain the same. That I would never really know what happened to my parents and why they had to die like that.

The pain brings tears.

It makes me curl into myself at night. It wakes me up in the middle of the night and it hits me like the waves of a stormy ocean. And then I wake