My heart seems to relax a little as I listen to his words and stare into his eyes. His last words feels a little like a stab to the burnt outside of it, though, making me flinch. I try to move my head, but he won’t let me. He holds my head in place, and he keeps staring into my eyes. He’s way too intense for me to handle right now, even though I’m glad I’m already on my knees. His smoldering eyes would bring me down if not. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and everything I never knew I liked, in a man, but he won’t get me this easily. I still need to leave.
“Why don’t you try to focus on the feelings you have when you’re a wolf?” he suggests, still staring at me.
“Uhm,” I utter, trying my best to word my feelings as a wolf. “I’m free? I don’t know, honestly. I never remember much.”
I clear my throat and look down at his chest. My voice is barely above a whisper, and I don’t know what the heck to do or say next.
“That’s okay,” he says softly. “The smells, then, can you remember any of those?”
His mood swings will give me a whiplash, I swear.. Just a few minutes ago he was yelling, and now he’s running his thumbs across my cheekbones, staring at me like I’m the only thing that matters to him. Which can’t be true, we only met this morning. It hasn’t been an hour, even.
I close my eyes to focus on what he’s asking me in stead of him. I take a deep breath, and feel the skin on my cheeks tingle as he keeps touching me, but I try to zone it out. Images from my memories flash before me, images of me running through the forest, on my four paws. I’m feeling happy and free in the memory, and the smells are amazing. I can smell the wildflowers around me, the damp moss on the ground, and the blueberries growing against the tree stems.
“Yeah, just like that,” Azaire whispers. “Open your eyes.”
I don’t really want to, but I do it anyway. My vision is suddenly kind of blurry, and quick, like my mind can’t really follow where my eyes go. My breathing starts to quicken, and I’m feeling a tightness in my chest I haven’t felt before. I grab onto Azaire’s forearms, holding tightly as I try to find somewhere to look.
“Look at me,” he prompts.
And I do. My eyes move to his, and I feel a lot calmer already. His thumbs keep stroking my cheeks, and he smiles a little. Even though it’s just a small tug on one of the corners, it’s still a smile, and I absentmindedly return it. That makes his grow a little, which in turn makes mine grow even more, and I let out a giggle as my vision turns normal and I can see his teeth between his slightly parted lips. The second I hear my own giggle, I clasp my hand over my mouth and widen my eyes.
“I love that sound,” he says, still smiling. “You know what you just did, right?”
“No?” I question, and I clamp my eyes shut as I realize my hand is still in front of my mouth.
“You just used your wolf-eyes, and you had claws come out, too. You almost hurt me when you grabbed me like that.”
I look down at his arms, and notice his skin is red from my hold. I lower my hands and stroke my fingers over the red marks.
“Sorry,” I mutter.
“No, don’t be,” he says reassuringly, “I’m proud of you, little mate. We’ll keep doing this, and you’ll be a pro wolf in no time.”
He leans closer, and presses a soft kiss to my forehead. Again, my whole body is covered in small bumps, and the hairs are standing out as my spine shivers. He smiles as he pulls back, and then he looks down at me.
“I’m not dangerous, and my family isn’t bad,” he says. “We’re just as scared as you are about this situation. Except for my mom, she’s already totally in love with you, to the point where I was actually jealous when she went up to your room with breakfast this morning.”
“Jealous?” I question, as his hands slide down from my face.
He grips my hands tightly, entangling our fingers, and I look down at our hands together. His are much bigger than mine, but it still feels like they’re made for each other. My small hand inside his big one, as if he’s meant to protect me from everything bad around me. I shake the thought away. I can take care of myself, I don’t need no man.
“Yeah, I kinda want you all to myself,” he says. “Please don’t lie about your feelings again. I saw in your eyes that you were in pain, and I’m sorry for yelling, I just.. It hurt to watch you like that.”
I nod slowly, looking at him like I’m a huge question mark.
“You’ve got the mood swings of a pregnant lady,” I tell him, grimacing a little.
He laughs. Oh, wow, what a wondrous sound that is.
“Don’t tell my sister that,” he says, grinning.
Probably a good idea.
I take another deep breath, and look down at the ground between us, before I meet with his eyes again.
“Azaire,” I start, but then I regret speaking, so I keep my mouth shut. I’m not even sure where I was going with that..
“Yohanna?” he retorts, arching an eyebrow at me.
Well, I guess I can tell him what’s on my mind, then.
“I’m not sure about this ‘mate’-thing,” I say, making air quotes when I say the word, and then I bite my lip a little.
“I know,” he sighs, and his head falls. He looks devastated, and I feel so guilty about it, but there’s no pain in my chest right now, so I guess I’m telling the truth. And if it is, in fact, true, he deserves to know. “I really don’t want to force this on you, but you’ve got to remember that we’re in this together.”
“Are we?” I ask him, longing for his eyes to meet mine. “I feel like you just want me to stay because we’re mates. You wouldn’t look twice at me if not.”
“Of course I would,” he defends, raising his head to look at me. “You’re fucking gorgeous, Yohanna.”
“No, I’m too skinny, and my bones are sticking out. I’m not pretty,” I state, and then I get up. I let go of his hands, and sniffle a little. I’ve found a way to distance myself from him, and I’m going to use it for what it’s worth. “You deserve better. Everyone deserves better. So I’ll get out of your hair.”
I send him a soft smile, ignoring the glare he’s giving me, before I turn around to walk back towards his house. Alone.
My ears are still focused on him, and I sigh as I hear him standing up, too, as well as a growl. He’s fucking growling at me.
“You can’t just fucking leave because it’s inconvenient for you to share a real bond with someone, Dani. I don’t know you, but you’re an idiot if you’re walking away now. Don’t think I won’t find you and make sure you know you’re better than this. I won’t let you reject me, little mate. Do you hear me?! I’ll make you care about something other than yourself!”
A tear runs down my cheek as I pretend not to listen to his words. I hear them as clear as day, even though I’m already far away. This wolf-hearing is really making me insane, especially when I can’t control it.
I’m gonna pack my backpack and get the hell away from here. Away from him. Love only brings heartache, soulmate or not.

“Sweetie, how did training go?”I look up from my packed backpack to see Soraya standing right next to me. I didn’t even notice it, because my hearing is focused on Azaire in the other room. Just behind that wall. He’s pacing back and forth, growling now and then. It’s distracting as hell.“Not good,” I admit, and send her a small smile. “Thank you for everything, Mrs. Kaios, but I should go.”I sniffle, and look back down at my backpack. I’m about to close it, when Soraya snorts next to me.This time I hear Azaire snort on the other side of the wall. He apparently didn’t think it was that much fun doing that fucking puppy-training on me. I roll my eyes and look up at Soraya again, with a kind smile.“I appreciate it, but I just heard him laugh at that. He doesn’t want to train me,” I say, and rea
I stop to put on the shoes Soraya let me borrow earlier today, but Azaire seems to have other plans, as he spins around with his back towards me.“Hop on,” he ushers.“What? No!” I protest, and bend down to put the shoes on.“We don’t have time for this, I’ll carry you,” he says, pulling me up again. “And I think you prefer a piggyback ride instead of me carrying you bridal style.”He smirks at me, and I scrunch my nose up. He is right, but we’re wasting time. I could have put on my shoes by now if he didn’t complain so much.“No,” I tell him firmly, and rip my hand from his hold.He sighs excessively, but waits for me as I slip them on, and I send him an over-exaggerated smile as I’m done, and brush past him to exit the house. Once I’m a few meters away from the h
I stare at my two hole cards for a moment, hiding them with my hand so Azaire won’t see. He’s tried a few times already, but I always shoot him a glare. One time I even slapped his arm to get him to look away, and that seemed to work for a few rounds. Alexander is awesome, though. He’s loud and dramatic, but he’s amazing. He’s got the most chips right now, while Aiden is almost out, and Azaire and I are about the same.My cards are actually kind of good. I have the ten and Queen of spades. I can only hope the community cards are just as good, and that I’ll end up with something awesome, so I can beat Azaire and take all his chips. I’m quite competitive, which I had forgotten during these past five years, being on my own. We all place our bets, and Aiden eventually flips over the first three community cards, the flop, revealing a Jack and Ace of spades and a three of diamonds.Hope builds inside me as
I don’t know what else to say. Maybe I feel like I can trust him because he knows what it’s like for me.“Azaire told me you couldn’t mindlink because you weren’t a part of their pack,” I say, not really sure where I wanted to go with that. I bite my lip and stop, as I look at a painting on one of the walls. It’s got a lot of yellow, and a few other colors faded in the corners, but the star of the show is a black heart, dead in the center of the canvas. I love it.“I’m not,” Alexander sighs, and scrunches his nose up again. “I don’t know where my pack is. Aiden has been trying to help me find it since we met, but there’s no luck. It’s like they’ve disappeared from the face of the earth.”“I’m sorry,” I mutter, and look into his black-as-night eyes. I smile a little, and press my head into his shoulder, for a
I’m pacing back and forth inside of the guest room, in Azaire’s family home. I don’t know what to do. Should I ask Alexander what his birthmark looks like? Should I keep my mouth shut about that until I know more? Uno probably knows something, right?“Holy shit, Yohanna, can you sit down? I’m trying to sleep,” Azaire’s voice cuts through my thoughts as he speaks from his own room. I sigh, and sit down on the edge of my bed.“Sorry,” I whisper, knowing he can hear me.My ears still perk up whenever my wolf-instincts know he’s near, but it’s not anywhere near as intense as the first day. We’re just now sitting on opposite ends of our shared wall, while I’m trying to figure out what to do. I’ve kept my distance from him ever since I saw it in his eyes that he wanted to kiss me yesterday. His gaze haunted me in my dreams, and I already dreamt
“How do I mindlink my pack?” I ask him, and look down towards the flowers to distract myself from him.“Why don’t we do the basics first, huh?” he says, putting his arms around my waist now. “You used your vision, right? And your hearing is getting better, so why don’t we focus on smelling today, and if you can do that, maybe we’ll see if you can use them all together.”I take a step away from him, pushing his arms away from my body, and sigh.“I just want to know where my real family is, and my pack,” I say, “I never knew this was how any of this worked, but now that I know, I just want to know if they’re out there, and if I can mindlink them, I can find them.”“Yohanna,” Azaire sighs, and closes his eyes for a second, as if he’s trying to figure out the exact words to use. “Mindlinking is pre
I have been with the Kaios pack for a little over a week, now. I’ve become a little closer with everyone, but I’m still not sure who I can trust. Alexander had quickly become my best friend. It wasn’t exactly hard for him to earn that title, but still, it feels good to have someone close to me that I can talk to. I’ve actually talked to him about how well my training with Azaire seems to be going, and I’ve tried to get him to tell me what it means to be “fully mated”, but he wants Azaire to be the one to tell me. I’m pretty sure it has something to do with sex, though, so I’ve tried to keep my distance from him outside of our training. I’ve gotten better at everything, actually. I can even tune Azaire out, if I want to, now, and I can listen for the other people in his house pretty easily. Not that I’m eavesdropping or anything.Azaire said a few days ago that we can start to work on my shifting s
She eyes me suspiciously, but lets it go. For now, I suspect. She is ready to pop at any second, I think. She and Marco has been spending a lot of time in their room, planning for the baby, probably. I haven’t seen much of them the whole week I’ve been here, and I haven’t really seen or talked to Calithea, either, or Alessandro. Ha, I still think it’s funny that their names are Alessandro and Calithea. I know Alessandro prefers to be called Alessandro, but Calithea calls him Alessandro, and that’s so cute..The people around the table starts to talk to each other again, and I smile, still, before picking up the slice of bread on my plate. I take a bite out of it, and hum a little as I chew. It’s really good. Soraya got up early to bake bread this morning, and it’s still warm as I bite into it. I have brown cheese on top, and it’s really fucking delicious. I didn’t know how much I had missed brown cheese until