Overdose

Danielle - 7 years ago 

“I’m glad that you are feeling alright.” The man I call uncle is sitting at my hospital bed with worry still glazing over his eyes.

My throat hurts as I move my dry lips to speak. “Thank you, zio.”

“What were you thinking?” He whispers as he leans in, shaking his head. “Your father would have been absolutely destroyed by this.”

My father.

Like he cares for anything going on in my life.  

Marco Scamarcio isn’t a man someone like me would expect to find nearly crying at her hospital bed. But my father was one of his trusted soldiers, so I guess this gets me a bit of a special treatment.

I don’t remember much of last night, but I remember that I took as many drugs as I could, breaking one of the rules Giovanni had imposed on me.

I took them alone.

Without even notifying him.

I remember that I didn’t want to overdose. But of course, nobody believes me. Why should they?

I simply wanted to drown the pain that I felt, cancel the feeling he left on my skin, and go out stoned enough to be able to hook up with another guy.

“I didn’t want to kill myself, zio.” I gulp after pushing out my raspy statement. “I am sorry if I made you worry.”

He nods, squeezing my shin, but I can see that he doesn’t believe me. “I have talked with your father.”

I close my eyes as shame wafts over me, and I empty my lungs with a deep exhale.

“We thought about how it would be if you could go away for a little bit.” He says calmly, making my heart skyrocket.

“Go away?” I swallow a sob, tears filling my eyes.

Doesn’t anybody want me?

Flashing me a sad smile, he shifts in his seat. “You finished high school with very good grades and have now come down the right path. But you have only lost a year. Nothing to be worried about.”

“I have a family who emigrated to New York. They will help you through rehab in a specialised clinic over there, and after you are feeling better, you will be able to start to study without any problem.” He tries to comfort me.  

“A rehab? New York?” I ask, completely dumbfounded.

Nodding repeatedly, he gets the happy expression back that I’m used to getting from him. “I know how you always wanted to study law. And I have a good friend who looked at your curriculum and was happy to take you to his prep school. After these years you will be just as new.”  

My curriculum. Sure. My 100/100 score at a no-name high school in the countryside of a little city in the south of Italy is certainly impressive.

He must sense my internal conflict because he squeezes my leg again, bringing me back to reality from my mazy thoughts.

“Just think about it, okay? No pressure. We are all here to help you.” I smile thanking him.

After staying a few more moments as an awkward silence falls upon us, he stands up. Pressing a kiss on my cheek, he wishes me a good recovery before leaving my hospital room.

Laying back down, I push out a deep sigh.

I can’t leave my home…

How would I survive without seeing his frown every day?

Also, a boss wanting you to leave a territory is just another rejection I wanted to hear.

***

After a few days, when I was finally discharged from the hospital, I was set on declining the offer that was made to me.

I didn’t want to leave my friends, I didn’t want to study in a prep school, I didn’t want to study law, I didn’t want to get off my drugs, and as stupid as it sounds, I didn’t want to leave him.

Even if he had ignored me completely since our night together.

I had called him on my first night out, but as he didn’t pick up, I called another friend of mine to get my shot. Roberto nearly didn’t come over as he felt uncomfortable, but as I started to cry and plead because I needed my next dose urgently, he gave in.

He wore a fearful expression during our entire transaction, but he wouldn’t leave me hanging.

After having taken my dose, I decide to go out. Feeling wobbly on my feet doesn’t keep me from stumbling into the club that my best friend was telling me she would go to with everyone that evening.

 As soon as I enter the club, my senses get overwhelmed by the colours and lights flashing around me and I nearly feel as if I could reach out and touch the music. 

“Here you are,” Loredana giggles as she leans onto me. 

My best friend wraps her hands around my neck and smacks a kiss on my cheek, making me laugh. “Hey, baaabes. Sorry, had to sneak out.” 

We crack up, and as we get ourselves more or less in check again, we make a beeline to the bar.

After having gotten our drinks, we are just about to go onto the dancefloor when I see a gloomy figure in the corner of my eye. 

My heart stops in my chest as Giovanni grabs my arm and pulls me to the side. I whistle as I try to hold my balance. 

“What the fuck, Danielle. Are you high?” He snarls at me and I pout. 

“Wasted!” I giggle, swaying. 

“Who gave you your shot? Who the fuck made you break my rule,” he shouts over the blaring music, his eyes flickering with rage.

Shrugging, I try to free myself from his hold, by pushing his fingers away from my arm. But my strength isn’t quite a match for his as he just pulls me closer. “I’m bringing you home.” 

His snarl vibrates through me and gets me to stand my ground as he starts dragging me through the club. “What the fuck, Gio! Let me go!” 

I finally get to free myself from his hold and stumble backwards. 

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I shout at him, not sure if he is able to hear me over the pumping music. 

But as I look up at his disparaging frown, I suppose he is able to hear me very well. 

He just isn’t accustomed to people telling him to fuck off. 

“What the fuck, Danielle. What do you think you are doing?” He asks, and I act like I can’t hear him. 

As I’m putting my hand behind my ear with a stupid expression, he clenches his jaw. 

He is just about to pop off again as a woman puts a hand on his chest. 

I freeze on my spot as I see them moving in slow motion. She seems worried about him as she moves her lips with a questioning expression. I can’t hear what she is saying, but something seems off about their interaction. Nor had I ever seen someone touching him so intimately. 

Just as I meet his intense gaze that is still burning into my skin, he smirks and leans in to shut her up. 

By fucking kissing her. 

My already shattered heart gets its last kick that it needs to have its pieces catapulted through my entire chest. 

I try to gasp for air but my lungs seem to be paralyzed just like the rest of my body, making me feel like he is pushing me underwater. 

As I’m watching them sucking each other's face off, I finally get to free myself from my trance and turn around to burst out of the club. 

Stumbling through the parking lot, and reaching the rails, I lean myself over them, emptying my stomach onto the lawn on the other side. 

I fight for air as the retching alternates with the sobbing and make sure that I’m stabilised enough to take my phone out of my pocket. 

Taking deep breaths, I close my eyes as I wait for someone to pick up. I don’t even care as my voice breaks as I stutter into the phone. 

“Zio Marco, I’ve changed my mind. I want to go to New York.”