Chapter 9

It's been two days since Matt raped me. Two days of constant pain and constant crying. I felt disgusted not only with Matt but myself as well. I felt dirty, violated and used. I have never experienced self hate as much as I did at this moment.

I have been avoiding Matt and Tyler for the last two days I just didn't have the energy to do anything so I locked myself in my room. I haven't had the strength to eat or even take a shower the last two days. I tried sleeping but the memories of Matt raping me kept me from it. I am falling deeper and deeper into a state of feeling numb and not caring about anything.

I could end this suffering and join my parents. A voice kept telling me inside my head.

As much as I wanted to be strong I couldn't. So here I am laying in the bath tub filled with water. Hands clutching my knife I always carry with me. I stare at the blade in my hand and a feeling of calmness settles within me. I know in this moment it's the best option for me.

I take the blade an