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Chapter 41 - A line has been drawn
“How are you this glorious Monday morning?” Zach says walking toward me in the school corridor. He looks so happy, I know he’s an all round happy guy but he looks particularly joyful today. Or maybe I’m the happy one and I’m seeing happiness where there isn’t. I smile at him to show him that I’m having a pretty good morning too.
“I’m doing well this morning thank you for asking.” I say and we start walking to homeroom.
“Where’s Leo?” He asks noticing he didn’t come in with me this morning.
“He texted me...” I start to explain to him when Amara comes walking our way full speed.
“Well if it isn’t the fake little Miss Golden and her minion… uhm… what’s your name again?” She says standing in our way. The whole corridor falls silent and they watch what is about to go down. Some of them take out their phones and start to re
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The boy I should not love Chapter 42 - Through the Turmoil
I sit at the kitchen island staring at her. I can’t believe she’s here, I look at her trying to figure out if I’m dreaming. Or if I’m dead and this is my hell; all of my demons are haunting me. “I know this is a lot but I was hoping that we could talk. You know try to figure out a way forward.” My mother says moving to sit next on the chair next to me. I look at her my heart in my throat; I wasn’t prepared to see her.I guess I had made peace with the fact that I would never see her again. I had convinced myself that she was dead. How could I think otherwise? She left her three children to fend for themselves without any thought. In my mind no sane, normal and human being would do that their children. She left us alone, three kids under the age of 18. We should be dead; it’s a miracle that we’re all still breathing.“How did you find us?” I ask when my brain starts working
The boy I should not love Chapter 43 - Curve ball
Zach“Where is my brother?” Mina asks looking at me her little face wrinkled with worry. I can’t get over the fear I saw on her face when I showed up to pick them up instead of their brother. She looked like she saw a ghost, my heart broke for her but I’m all she’s got today. When Jon saw her face he started crying, I had to think quickly and calm him down.Mina did a good job of helping me calm him down. She switched so quickly from being worried to comforting Jon. She’s so young but she has such grown up reactions to stressful situations. I get that it’s because of how they are growing up but it’s unfair that they have to go through this. Every kid deserves to be just that, a child.I hate that Leo is hurting this much. I didn’t tell Golden but I saw Leo’s mom leave his apartment when we got there earlier. I recognized her from when we were young, it took everything I not to fre
The boy I should not love Chapter 44 - What now?
“Why didn’t you come to pick us up at school today?” Mina asks me when I take her out of the bath tub and dry her off. I do the same with Jon and then look at her, She looks so worried and concerned. She’s too young to have that look on her face.“I… had to do something very urgent, so I asked Zach to pick you up instead.” I say and she pouts at me.“I thought something bad happened to you.” She says her eyes welling up a little. I look at her and my heart breaks. She must have been so worried when I didn’t show up. I sometimes forget how much they war used to our routine. One change like today and that fragile safety I created for them is shuttered.“I’m sorry you got scared, I really wanted to come and pick you up but I couldn’t make it. It won’t happen again.” I say and watch tears fall down her face. Seeing her cry makes me sad because I didn’t mean t
The boy I should not love Chapter 45 - Emotions
“How are you feeling?” I ask Leo when we leave Mina and Jon’s school. He’s been quiet since I picked him up from his house this morning. He said hi when he got into the car with Mina and Jon and that was it. I don’t blame him he’s going through a lot. He sent me a text last night explaining what got him so messed up yesterday. I’m still recovering from the shock.His mother is back.He explained that seeing her took him by so much surprise that he broke down.We’ve never really talked about that part of his life; he’s mentioned her maybe twice. He never talked about her in depth and I never asked because I didn’t want to overstep. I was waiting for him to talk about it if ever did but it’s not something I was pressed to know about. But now he didn’t really have a choice but to talk about her. His mother forced his hand by showing up the way she did. I didn’t feel li
The boy I should not love Chapter 46 - Threats
This week has been a week from hell; I dragged myself through school and work. Everything is draining; I’m putting so much effort to do things that didn’t faze me before. I thought I would be over the feeling I had on Sunday by now but I can’t seem to shake it off. I feel lost, like I don’t know who I amI am so angry; I have all these negative emotions coursing through my body. I’m over it. I want to dispel all of it now. I feel like the anger is dragging me back.“Hey Leo, can you please clear out the empty out the cardboard boxes in aisle 27?”Mr. Brown says to me from across a meat fridge.“Sure.” I say and finish off packing the last of the meat trays I have in the trolley. Mr. Brown stands there looking at me, he wants to talk to me about the incident with my mother but I don’t want to. He tried to ask me about it on Monday and I told him I’m not interested in talking about her.I can&
The boy I should not love Chapter 47 - Secrets
Zach and I sit at a park bench and watch Mina and Jon run toward a merry-go-round. I watch Mona help Jon get on and they try to move the big metal circle. And it doesn’t move, I watch her struggle with it and then she decides they should get off and go play somewhere else.I love that she’s problem solver, she doesn’t just sit there and cry.“How are you man? And please don’t say fine. Tell me what you’re feeling.” Zach says looking at me. We talk the kids to the park so they can play and run around. And I needed to get out of that house. It has become oppressive and uncomfortable.The last time I felt that way I was living with my mother in a small dirty apartment in a dingy part of town. Not to say the place I live in now is a palace but the old place was way smaller. I never felt safe there. And now that she’s been to my place, I feel like she has awakened those feelings I had as a kid.“I’m t
The boy I should not love Chapter 48 - A new perspective
Zach pulls into Golden’s driveway and she comes out of her front door when he parks the car. She stops in her tracks when she sees me and the kids in the car. I look at her my heart racing, all the feeling I been shoving down in the deepest part of my soul come rushing back up. They hit me like a ton of bricks. “You didn’t tell her you were coming?” Zach asks me when he sees Golden’s face. She looks like she doesn’t know what to do. I wave at her to check if she’s alright, she looks stuck in one place. She waves back at me but her wave is so sure. Zach and I get out of the car and help Mina and Jon out of the car. She finally moves closer to the car, she has a smile for Mina and Jon, who are happy to see her. “Hey” She says when she stands next to me. “Hey” I say to her and she smiles. “I thought you weren’t coming.” She states as we walk to the front door of her house. “I had a change of heart, I hope you don’t mind.” I sa
The boy I should not love Chapter 49 - Over due
About 2 months later “There’s something I’ve known for some time, that I have to tell you but I don’t know how to tell you.” Zach says looking back at me from the passenger side of his car. Leo is on driving duty today. I look at Zach and my heart starts racing. I hate when people start a sentence with I have to tell you something. It’s like why not just tell me and see how I react instead of setting me up for a heart attack. Now my brain is running going through all the possibilities that could go wrong. “What is it Zach?” I ask and see Leo give me a glance on the review mirror. I guess he knows what’s going on because he seems a little tense all of a sudden. “I… uh...” He says but doesn’t finish the sentence. I look at him frustrated, he’s killing me here. “Just spill it out. You’re killing me here.” I say a little louder
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