[TW]: implication of rape
[Flashback]
"Is there anything wrong?" Eunae asked, quite warily. The atmosphere during the car ride home was unfamiliarly cold and distant. It was both terribly and questioningly odd that even though he was just right beside her, she felt as if he was a mile away out of her reach.
Yunoh furiously went inside their new home and banged the door shut, "You don't know?"
"I don't know why you're so angry. Tell me what's happening," Eunae almost begged, letting the hem of her wedding dress lick the floor as she chased after him.
"Fuck off!" He yelled, pushing her forcefully that she fell to the ground. "I trusted you, I fucking trusted you! Goddamn it!"
"What are you even saying? I don't understand!"
"Cut the bullshit!" Yunoh roared, forcefully pulling her up by the arm. He pushed her against the door and pinned her wrists above her head. "You planned all of this, didn't you? I can't believe you would stoop this low and take advantage of my family's misery to get what you want."
"What are you saying? I don't understand what you're accusing me of. Why would I even do that!" Eunae countered. Angry tears swelling from the corner of her eyes and fear wrapping her heart. "Yunoh, you know me! Why would I even plan this!"
His tongue poked the inside of his cheek as he gripped her wrists tighter, "Right, I know you. Aren't you in love with me?" was his striking words that rendered her immobile. Her pupils trembled restlessly just as much as her whole body did. "And I guess you already know that I don't fucking love you the same. I know you so well, those fake tears won't get into me anymore. You've become so manipulative, huh?"
One second, then two, then probably a number before seven, Eunae bit her trembling lips and inhaled sharply as she took in everything he just said. She had been his best friend since time immemorial and that was what he thought of her? Someone manipulative who would desperately use his sufferings just to selfishly be with him?
Did he possibly think of her that low?
The mere thought of the answer being a yes almost had her throw up.
"Cat got your fucking filthy tongue?"
"All the-these years, you think I've been emotionally blackmailing you?" Eunae struggled to ask as the tears began to drip to her cheeks one after the other. Her heart excruciatingly twinging as he let out a sardonic mocking laugh.
"If the shoe fits, then feel free to wear it."
"I can't believe you."
"I can say the same," he roared, pushing her against the door even further that her whole body bounced painfully against it. "You've always dreamt of having a kid, haven't you?"
Without saying anything more than he did, her blood instantly ran cold, and her hands trembled as she struggled from his hold, "Yunoh! Stop! Don't do this to me!" Eunae yelled loudly as he dragged her to a room. The undeniable strength he had was incomparable that she found herself being dragged easily even with all her might of struggling. "Let me go! Don't do this! Stop!"
"Shut up! You fucked my life, I'm just returning the favor," he said, sounding almost like a promise before pushing her on the bed and turning into the monster she had never imagined facing.
That was the day her pleads began to fall in deaf ears. The day the man she had ever loved ruined her to grotty bits and pieces like irreparable glass shards yet to be disposed.
The day that the marriage she had always thought to be her happily ever after, frightfully turned to the vicious nightmare and lonely battle she was never prepared for.
The day suffering had molded into her life and for the past to haunt her back.
It was day of the beginning of the end.
[End of flashback]
As the sky began to weep just like she did, Eunae finally decided to go up to the bedroom. Her body had been relentlessly screaming for a good rest for the last hours with tiredness creeping into her bones. It was close to midnight by the time she went inside the house and the party had been long over with the caterers cleaning up the space.
Walking towards their bedroom, she abruptly halted her steps and felt her world crumble down before her feet.
Tears began streaming down face overhearing the filthy moans coming from the bedroom and knowing fully well who they were. Eunae covered her mouth as sobs wracked her body. Strength, for a brief instance, left her body that she found her legs wobbling weakly until she slumped on the floor helplessly.
It was not the first time it happened, yet here she was, struggling not to feel the pain.
This had always happened ever since Yunoh stopped seeing Daeun behind her back and rather brought her home. This was his constant reminder that he would fuck her life-that he would never love her the same way he loved Daeun-that she was merely a toy he would play with.
And Eunae could not help but wonder just when she could eventually get used to all of these-to finally be numbed from everything that had been hurting her since the start of her marriage.
Maybe if Eunae was wise enough, she would have rather went upstairs. Maybe even covered her ears and let slumber engulf her mind and body until the abominable affliction ceased to exist.
But Eunae stayed rooted in front of door and continuously watched as her heart broke into a million pieces, she could never put back together. She chose to hear the sins of her husband; she chose to stay-to suffer agonizingly as always.
And the only time she decided to run upstairs was when anxiety rattled her bones: her mind close to blacking out, her lungs losing every sac of air it needed, and her eyes delirious that she almost threw up.
Eunae needed to get away and save herself. She needed to flee and not let him see her like this.
Because little did, he know that his infidelity, his atrocities, every pain he had been inflicting on her had already taken a toll on her-to her mental health just exactly as what her mother went through.
History seemed to repeat itself with how she had to suffer the daunting horrors of the past, but the only difference this time around, was she had to face it alone-how she had to wear a mask of a soft endearing smile, while she died little by little in the inside.
Maybe if Eunae was wise enough, she would have already left him the very first time he tormented her with an unbearable pain. Maybe she would have done that without second thoughts. Maybe only if she was wise enough.
But she was not-she was as a pitiful fool for the sake of love.
Because until now, she was still clinging onto the wishful thinking that maybe someday, somehow, somewhere along the rugged path they were taking, they might hopefully find each other again.
"Place it down, you're going to tire yourself.""I can handle this, it's not too much work."Yunoh took the dirty plates from Daeun and shook his head, "I don't want to risk it."Baffled with the unusual view before her, Eunae weaved her brows together as she quietly scrolled down her contacts. Yunoh had always been protective towards Daeun, but it was too bizarre to see him become way overprotective overnight."Babe, it's fine, I'll do the dishes."Shrugging, Eunae continued to scroll down her contacts before sending a text message. She had to move the family dinner since Daeun did not seem to have any plans on leaving any time soon.It would be too much work to push through with the simple gathering when Yunoh would most likely cancel it if he were too preoccupied with his mistress. She would just be wasting her time on nothing.Swiftly
L I E F D E S V E R D R I E T(Dutch) (n.) the sadness, depression, or pain one feels about a love unanswered or love that is gone.As the sun left the horizon and the moon and the stars stole its rightful place, Eunae found herself still crouched in the corner of the dark hotel room without any food in her stomach nor any blink of sleep.Her mind continued to race with the miserable events that took place in her life, her heart falling into irreparable pieces remembering the news she received earlier on that stabbed her like a knife, and her throat closing in with the lump of breath caught up within.She basked in pain as she berated herself with multitudinous questions about the choices she had made, actions she had done, opportunities she did not take, feelings she had suppressed,
C W T C H(Welsh) (n.) a warm, affectionate hug, cuddle or snuggle that gives a feeling of a safe place or home.Eunae was strolling by the beach and basking in the morning sun when she met a little girl playing in the sand.After spending days of crying her eyes out in the hotel room, she finally decided to go out and relieve everything she had been feeling. The space had been nothing but suffocating, and she knew she had to go out to breathe. Locking herself in a four-walled confined space almost drove her crazy. She knew she needed to escape."Hi, sweetheart, may I know what you're doing?"Crouching beside the little girl, Eunae wondered as to what must have taken her interest. There was nothing, but millions of particles of sand shaped into di
[Flashback]"Tell me who forced you to marry Eunae because the last time I checked, it was you who you wanted to marry her out of your own will." His mother taunted, and it only made him angrier."Out of my own will?" Yunoh scoffed. "Do you honestly think I could just watch the business to crumble down without doing anything? I might have chosen to marry her, but it wasn't out of my own will. It was out of helplessness and desperation!""Then you could've told us," his father started with a strained voice. "You could've told us the truth instead of lying that you've been meaning to marry her because you love her. Damn it, Yunoh! She was like our own daughter too, and you had the audacity to do this?" his father yelled indignantly.And almost instantly, Yunoh flinched seeing him shake in anger. Never had he heard him talk in such a manner and never did he see him this exasperated. Steam was practicall
"A-ah, I think I-I have to go-""Don't leave, Nana, Riri sad," the little girl cut her off, placing her little fingers above his hand, seemingly sealing it for her not to leave.Conflicted, Eunae subtly nibbled her lower lip and internally contemplated. She surely wanted to run away and never see them again, but at the same time, she did not want to leave the little girl who stayed by her side, while pain engulfed her whole.She did not want to be an ass by leaving them abruptly after benefiting from their kind acts. She was not the kind of person Yunoh had always thought of-she was not, and she did not want to be the manipulative bitch he had tagged her as.Slumping back on the sand, Eunae finally made her choice. She sat comfortably beside the two strangers, who were having triumphant smiles painting their lips."Yehey! Nana stay!"Eunae failed to stifle th
Eunae grinned, feeling incredibly sanguine. She wanted to learn more about love, and she was happy to find someone she could ask about what it really meant.Because above all, she was desperate to know if everything she had went through were bits and parcels of love all along like how she believed in. Or more so, like how she wanted herself to believe in."Did love mean giving everything you got?" She started excitedly, ticking one question after the other in her mind."Probably," he shrugged. "We usually tend to give everything for the person we love," he stopped as she looked at her with a smile. "But of course, not entirely to the point where you won't have anything left."Suddenly, color seemed to drain from her face and the excitement rushing through her bloodstream popped like a bubble that ceased to exist. And as if seeing through her, his smile slowly vanished as he looked at her with n
M A M I H L A P I N A T A P A I(Yaghan) (n.) a look shared between two people experiencing a private moment, in an expressive and meaningful silence, when each knows the other understands what is being expressed.Eunae woke up still sitting by the shore. Her head rested on his shoulder and one of his arms now wrapped around her torso."Feeling better?"Slightly squirming from his hold, she squinted her eyes just right in time for her jaw to drop.The beautiful sunset had now sat perched on the horizon, embracing her with so much warmth and hope. It was a welcoming scenery of tranquility, reminding her that whatever misery she had gone through for the day would somehow end in a few coming moments."Hmm."Without any word u
E P I P H A N Y(English) (n.) a moment of sudden revelation.It had been a few hours now since Eunae stood by the shore and watched the sun do its leaving ritual.Settling her feet on the grainy sand and focusing her eyes on the dancing yellow ball of light, her mind was somewhere else, digging answers on what to do next.It had been a week or so since she ran away, and she honestly did not have any clues on what to do next.Trying to find any sort of answer, she backtracked the conversation she had with Stephen and strived to understand the heaviness of each word he uttered.And as she did so, Eunae found herself pondering on one question:Did she really love Yunoh?With everything she had been through and finally