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50| Caught (pt. 1)
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Toxic Paradise 51| Caught (pt. 2)
“Ryan, I'm so, so sorry," I cried. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I couldn't focus on anything other than my overwhelming guilt as the tears spilled over.Ignoring me, he took a step into my room, still hovering near the doorway. "Are you leaving?"I nodded. "I thought you would want me to..."It was like he didn't know what to say to this. He just stood there, staring at my suitcase with a look of contemplation on his face; like he wasn't sure whether he wanted me here or not. And let me tell you, the fact that I was the one responsible for the hurt look on his face cracked my heart in half. I was such a terrible person. No wonder everyone leaves. "Ryan, please let me explain," I squeaked out when he didn't say anything. It made me so sad that he wasn't talking with me; I really hadn't meant to hurt him. Everything I had done to try and push down my feelings for Alec was all so that I wouldn't hurt Ryan. The guilt consumed me again as more tears spilled from my eyes."There's
Toxic Paradise 52| It’s a Date
Ryan and I sat together on the couch. I was relieved that our initial conversation was over, and he said that we were good, but that didn't stop me from feeling kind of awkward as we tried to focus on our movie. It was one I hadn't seen before, and honestly, I couldn't tell you what was happening in it. I also caught Ryan looking over at me several times throughout, like he wanted to say something, but then he changed his mind."Ask me anything, Ryan. I promise no more hiding things from you," I encouraged.He nodded, and it was like this invitation just opened the floodgates to all my thoughts and feelings from the beginning. "When did this whole thing start between you two?" He started.This was a hard question. I took a moment to gather my thoughts before answering, running my fingers up and down my water glass in a nervous gesture. "Um... that's a hard question because my feelings were so complicated, and I tried to push them down for so long because of everything you told me abo
Toxic Paradise 53| Jitters
"Eeeeeeeee!" Maddie screeched into my phone. "Shhhh, Maddie! His room is literally right next door!" I whisper-shouted to her. I was getting ready for my first technical date with Alec, and was feeling super nervous about it. So naturally, I called my best friend for support. "Sorry, I'm just really excited for you guys! The kiss sounds so romantic, and now he wants to take you on a date? This is the stuff of true love stories," she gushed.I shook my head. "Don't get ahead of yourself. I still don't know what this is. Alec has told me that he doesn't do girlfriends, so we really need to talk tonight about what that means for us." "Well, maybe he didn't do girlfriends in the past because he hadn't met you yet," she said. I let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a snort, "You're too much of a romantic." "Maybe," she agreed. "You used to be too."I sighed. I supposed David had ruined that part of me; the part that believed in a happy ending. Or maybe that part was never real
Toxic Paradise 54| Not Some Cliche
As Alec and I entered the restaurant, we were met with the smiling faces of 2 hostesses who were all too eager to greet us; or Alec, I supposed. He told them our names and we were immediately walked through the restaurant to our table. This restaurant was nice, and it was completely indoors, unlike the beach bars and outdoor restaurants we had been going to. I was happy to eat inside tonight though, as I knew I'd be chilly outside without a jacket. Inside was a nice temperature, with a dimly lit dining area speckled with candles on each table. It looked like your classic supper club, and I loved it.Alec pulled my chair out for me, and I sat down as he pushed it in towards the table. Once he had a seat, I was left feeling nervous again. Last time I had gone on a dinner date, I was dumped. "What are you thinking about?" Alec asked, settling in on the chair beside me. "Just about how cute this place is," I lied, not wanting to disclose my thoughts."Yeah," he agreed, "It's one of my
Toxic Paradise 55| The Last Beach Day
Waking up the next morning, I felt great. Alec and I stayed on the beach for hours last night. Eventually, I dozed off and we headed home, but by that time, it was like 2:00 in the morning. I couldn't help but smile thinking back to our kiss... or several kisses. Things didn't escalate given that we were in a public place, but I couldn't deny that I wanted to take things further with Alec. He just had a way of making me feel so great whenever I was with him... and just genuinely happy. That is, when he wasn't being a dick. I wasn't sure what Ryan had planned for the day, but I was up earlier than usual. A glance at my phone told me that it was only 7:30. Briefly, I thought about going back to bed, but then I got an idea. Ryan had been so incredible to me since day one. He was kind enough to bring me here after only just meeting me, he always knew how to cheer me up, he looked after me whenever we went out, and even though I betrayed his trust with Alec, he found a way to forgive me
Toxic Paradise 56| Stay With Me
I took another sip of my red wine, staring blankly at the computer screen ahead of me. My skin slightly stung from forgetting to reapply my sunscreen today on the beach, but I didn't mind. I wanted take whatever tan I could back to Chicago with me. I knew that once I was home, I'd miss the smell of freshly applied aloe and the feel of the slight burn on my cheeks. Ryan had a headache from being in the sun all day, so he turned in around 8:00, but I knew I had plenty of research ahead of me. The problem was, all of these job listings sucked. I knew that the job I had before wasn't exactly my dream job, but it was definitely a great stepping stone to success. Having been fired, I was sure I wouldn't acquire a glowing recommendation for any new job I'd be applying for. I wasn't even sure if journalism is what I still wanted to do. What did I even have to write about? I tipped my wine back, polishing off the rest of it. I was feeling frustrated, and I knew that nothing would be able to
Toxic Paradise 57| Goodbyes and Road Trips
"Text me as soon as you land, okay?" I said, hugging tight to Ryan at the entrance of the airport. He had an early flight, so like the true friend that I was, I got up at the ass crack of dawn to drive him. Okay fine... It was 7:00 AM, but still earlier than I would have liked."Of course I will," he responded, hugging me back as a warm breeze kissed our bodies at the terminal. "And... you're really sure it's okay that I'm staying? I don't want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable..." I questioned, pressing my face to his chest so that I wouldn't need to look him in the eyes. He had already given me permission, but still, I was nervous to bring it up again. Especially after our fight about Alec and I not too long ago."Yes, I promise it's fine with me," He replied, pulling away and forcing me to look up at him with a hand under my chin. "That being said, if he does anything to hurt you, don't be afraid to call me. I can be back here in a matter of hours and I will kill hi
Toxic Paradise 58| The Stuff That’s Important
I nodded, thankful for the dismissal. I was quick to grab my red one-piece out of my suitcase and headed into the bathroom to change. I liked this suit. It was one of my favorites because of the way the cut outs revealed only the best curves of my body. The bright red also brought out my tan skin, and I was pretty sure Alec was going to like the look as well. I didn't bother with a shirt as I pulled my shorts back on. Before exiting the bathroom, I took a moment to splash some cold water on my face. "Snap out of it, Jayna," I scolded. I needed to get a grip. This was the same Alec who I'd been living with for over a month. The same Alec who could be a complete and total jackass. But also, the same Alec who had a way of making my heart beat like I had just run a marathon. I patted my face dry with the scratchy hotel towel, ran my fingers through my hair, and exited the bathroom to join Alec, who was already changed into his swim trunks and a light blue t-shirt. The color looked great
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