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When the bully falls in love Thirty-one
I walked into class slowly careful not to move fast, because I would fall gain. This was my school; I paid my school fees and no one was ever going to make me feel small towards when I was inside it. Not even the bullies. I felt like killing someone, strangling anyone. Most importantly the sassy girls in my class who felt like they deserved heaven anything even if it was a small cat or even a flower. An eye for an eye and the whole world ends up blind. Perhaps a blind world was better because that way we couldn’t see each other’s faults, when the whole world was blind, no one could judge the other or measure their worth because of beauty that was physical. I craved for a world where people didn’t struggle to fit in. A world where you didn’t have to worry about pimples on your sin, or freckles on your face. A happy and peaceful world where no one judged you for being fat and you didn’t haver to worry about your tummy fat. A society with no standards for physical beauty. I craved for
When the bully falls in love thirty two
Fear is paralyzing. It holds your limbs down and locks them with invisible keys. Until you can’t move, or crawl or do anything, it takes a hold of you and makes you, its prisoner. I was afraid, more than ever, as I lay on the ground. Somebody had tripped me with their leg making me fall face flat on the ground. My insides were turning and churning from the terrible feeling that I felt. I felt low, down and awful. A swamp rat felt better than me. At least moss could brag of being decent and growing up freely in sewages where no one could disturb or bully them. I didn’t want to be a failure, not anymore, I want to be brave, to be a woman, to embrace my feminine side and urges. I wanted someone to look at me like I was a girl. Courage always came from having a belief in your own abilities. That’s what the numerous motivational speakers in guidance and counselling aways said. I didn’t have any abilities. My biggest and best ability was sleeping and eating. I didn’t even have the abilit
When the bully falls in love Chapter 33
Sometimes, I stop to think and wonder who is left in hell. Because it seems all the demons and sinners have escaped, and are living on earth camouflaging to be people. It seemed the devil was on vacation too, posing as someone else. All the residents of hell were here on earth as my classmates, all the demons that escaped hell were living right next to me pretending to be people. The sooner I had unearthed their identities, the better. But I couldn’t help but think that the angels were involved too. Why didn’t angels in heaven ever intervene when everything was getting worse. Why didn’t they ever intervene? Or perhaps all the demons were craving for peace and it was the angels who were craving for chaos. I just wanted to figure it all out. Perhaps I was the real devil who was supposed to be in hell but had lost memory. What if I was really the devil and Vince an angel from heaven, here to remind me that I was needed in hell to bring order? People around me seemed to have all their af
When the bully falls in love Thirty four
I picked the strong liquid soap that I had stolen and poured it aimlessly on my face, then scrubbed it vigorously in anger with my fingers. After rinsing my face, I poured it on my body and closed scrubbed my shoulders with my hands too. For the first time in ages, something felt different. The soap had a different smell, or is it scent? If felt different on my skin, oddly different and good. Maybe I should steal more and carry home to use as my shower gel, who knew how much I could push my fate and take risks before it tried to stop me. I pored more soap on my lower body and immediately regretted looking down. I had resorted never to look at myself naked because it made me feel sick. The sight of my body that Vince described as gigantic and huge made me feel bad. I couldn’t blame Vince for being so honest. He was to some extent right, he had called a spade a spade, he didn’t to cover it up like everyone else did. At least he was real even if that made him look bad, her was real and
When the bully falls in love 35
‘‘One two, three, ‘’ I counted and took deep long breaths as I looked at both sides of the hallway. All I needed to do was to get away and exit the building before anyone could see me. It wouldn’t take so long, I was sure. Everyone in the world is afraid of admitting that a great and large part of life depends on luck. Its scary to even think of how much that is out of our control. You go to school and graduate with good grades, but still need luck, you are pretty and kind but still need luck. It’s all just scary. If vampires really existed with their special hearing than I was sure they could hear my heart beat from kilometers away. I looked like a scene from a horror movie. I was holding y towel to my chest because I didn’t have any bag, on the other hand was carrying the remaining liquid soap that I had stolen from the school. I wasn’t going to live it behind, it wasn’t even labeled for me to find out what it was called, all I knew was that it smelt nice and I wasn’t ready to let
When the bully falls in love 36
There is a glimmer of light in the dark caves within us that show us the way every time we lose ourselves. We follow the light, we let it lead us, when the dark confines of our soul are too thick, too flawed for us. There is always light, everywhere, for anyone brave enough to see and follow it. Life is a series of ups and downs. The absolute highs and ups that make us happy, make us feel like we belong. The ups that become happy memories and a few decades or years later turn into bad and pathetic memories. The downs that strike us straight in the heart, the downs that make us want to stop living, the darkness and sadness that hits you so hard, that you realize you can’t even breathe, you have to let it in. Let the sadness and gloom soak your soul. Then sometimes you realize that depression and sadness has always been a part of you. So, you stop fighting them, you let them wash over you, and you feel how dark and lovely it is, to be free, to let the tears flow. To make peace with
When the bully falls in love 37
My eyes were closed and I was drifting off to slumber, dreaming sweet dreams. For the first time there were no nightmares in my life. For the first time there were no dark spaces in my dreams. It felt peaceful, quiet, happy and real. A few rustling sounds came into my imagination and I kept on sleeping. Not yet ready to let go of my new profound happiness or the buzzling feeling of belong with nature. The sun was scorching hot too but I didn’t care, I didn’t want to let go of this moment. I wanted it to be there forever before the bullies and dirty humanity tainted and spoilt it. Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words and never stops at all. That was my favorite line from Emily Dickson and her poems. She was a poet and someday I wanted to be a poet like her too. No matter how dumb I was, cramming her lines and relating to them had never been a problem to me, she was my hero. I related to her in every way possible. My life was a mir
When the bully falls in love 38
‘‘Calm down, someone will get to hear us,’’ a male voice called out as it laughed deeply in a heavy masculine voice. ‘‘What no, no one can hear u, we are at the furthest corner of the school, I could scream for all I want,’’ a lady voice that was awfully familiar called out. The excitement in the voices was evident as they came closer. I looked around for a place to hide. The trees around weren’t too being for me to hide behind them. They were tall and slim which only meant that I would be more than visible behind them. If I decided to sprint to another corner, it would be too late. They would have spotted me already. The male voice wasn’t Vince or the bullies that I knew about. Did he send different scouts, or were they the thieves who stole my clothes. ‘‘How dare you look down on thieves when you are the grand one, remember Sandra’s clothes, the washing soap, this is karma kissing you hard and fast,’’ my subconscious warned and laughed at me. No person could ever be sane when di
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