1| There's No Place Like Home

I took a large inhale the second I entered the familiar building, the smell of coffee and reheated breakfast sandwiches hitting my nose. Starbucks. My happy place after a long day of classes. I didn't waste any time before placing my order and meeting my best friend and roommate, Melany, at our usual table. We came here almost every day; it wasn't exactly easy on the wallet, but it certainly made me happy. 

"So, Emery, what extravagant coffee did you order this time?" Melany asked as I took my seat. I was known for switching up my drinks because I often got bored of the same ol' stuff. There were just too many good options on the menu to stick with the same one. 

"Nothing too crazy today. I decided to go with a grande latte with 3 pumps of peppermint and 2 of vanilla. Oh, and an extra shot of espresso—it's gonna be one of those days," I explained while patting my backpack dramatically. I had a lot of homework to get done, and I was dreading it.

"Ugh," Mel sighed as she unzipped her own backpack. "That sounds good. I wish I would have waited to order until you got here. I got a lame iced coffee with sweet cream."

I pulled out my laptop and set it on our table as I chuckled at her, "Mel, you get that every time. I doubt you would have changed your mind even if I was here."

It was true. Where I liked to switch things up from time to time, Mel was the opposite. She was conservative and always knew what she wanted. As opposite as we were, however, I knew I was lucky to have her in my life. We both were attending the University of Iowa, and I actually met her at a college party. We started talking, and we clicked instantly.

She was a pretty girl. She was also very small, about 5'2," and had a slim figure. It was impossible not to admire her light brown hair, porcelain skin, unnaturally red lips, and incredible hazel eyes. I had initially gone to the party with my freshman year roommate, of whom I don't talk to anymore. We had a huge falling out around winter break, and after that, I moved in with Mel. It worked out perfectly because her roommate had just dropped out. We've been roommates and best friends ever since.

I tucked a piece of my dirty blonde hair behind my ear and stretched out my neck as I prepared to study.

"Are you going to come with me to Henry's party tonight?" Mel asked.

I sighed and ran a hand through my long hair, "You know that I can't. I really should be with my dad tonight."

She reached a hand across the table placing it on top of mine. "Oh God, Emery, I forgot. I'm so sorry. How are you holding up?"

I thought about it for a minute. This year had been better than most, but today was always a hard day. Today was my mom's birthday. 

About 9 years ago, when I was 12, my mother, sister, and I went out for a girl's day. My older sister, Adeline (or Addy as I called her), who was 14 at the time, and I had been begging our mom to take us to the mall. I remember that we had a great day. There was no drama, and honestly speaking, the members of my family were my best friends. We had each bought so many new clothes; I remembered my mom barely getting everything to fit into the car properly.

On our way back, it was already getting dark and it was storming. The rain was coming down hard around the car, and visibility was limited. The thunder was insanely loud, and to this day, because of that particular storm, every time I hear thunder I freak out. I was sitting shotgun this time, because Addy had it on the way there, and she was sitting behind my mom. I don't remember too much about what happened next—but I remember showing one of my new sweaters to my family, and then I felt the car jerk, and everything went black.

My life was changed forever from then on.

I had woken up in the hospital with some broken bones, but otherwise I was lucky to be alive. My dad was there when I awoke, looking completely heartbroken; I'll never forget the look on his face. He was the one to inform me that the 3 of us had been in a car crash. Someone had lost control of their car during the storm, ran through a red light, and completely T-boned our car. Since it was on the driver's side, my mother and sister didn't make it.

Obviously, I went through a lot back then. My life as I knew it was over, and my father and I were completely devastated. Not to mention the survivors guilt I felt every day on top of the loss. We found our way together though... my dad was my rock, and I did everything in my power to be his.

There were some lasting scars for me, of course. Certain activities I used to enjoy just didn't seem right without Addy, I became a little more closed off; and, to this day,  I was freaked out by thunder storms. A huge piece of my heart was lost that day, but I realized that that's just life, and it isn't always fair.

Not to be a complete downer; Although I was completely lost for a while, I found my way, and I'd come to accept what had happened. I knew I would always have my mom and sister with me in my heart and watching over me.

"Em?" Mel asked, pulling me out of my thoughts of the accident.

I shook my head, "Sorry. Yes, I'm fine. I would just like to be with my dad tonight, that's all."

"I totally get it. I do. I think Landon is gonna miss you there though," Mel said with a wink.

A blush spread over my cheeks. Landon was Henry's roommate. He was cute, I'd give him that, but he and I had gone on a few dates before, and honestly, we just didn't have that romantic spark; or at least I didn't feel it.

I wasn't sure if the accident affected this aspect of my life, but I just had a hard time getting close to people. I knew I was decently good looking: long curly blonde hair, small button nose, bright blue-green eyes, olive skin, athletic build, and I stood about 5'5." The problem was, after the accident, I learned how quickly someone can disappear from my life, and because of this, I was kind of closed off. I had friends and was nice to everyone, so it wasn't like I was unpopular or a loner, but I wasn't prom queen material either. Guys had shown interest in the past, but I'd be lying if I said I ever felt a romantic connection with anyone before, no matter how much I craved one.

"Landon will be fine. He could have any girl he wants," I stated flatly.

Mel scoffed, "Yeah, aside from you."

Just then, the barista brought out our coffees. We gave her a quick "thank you" before turning back to our conversation.

"I gave him a chance. I really do like him, but I don't have those romantic feelings for him. I'm starting to think I never will for anyone," I admitted. I took a quick sip of my coffee, slightly burning my tongue in the process.

"That's not true," Mel interjected, "He just isn't the right one."

"I suppose," I agreed. I didn't actually believe it, though. I knew the trauma from my past had probably ruined this aspect for me for good. "We should probably get started on our homework if we wanna finish. I want to leave for my dad's in 2 hours."

Mel took a large swig of her coffee. "Yeah. You're right. Let's do it!"

********

2 hours later, or closer to 3 since Mel and I kept getting distracted, I was on the road heading to my dad's house.

I didn't live far from him. After everything, I didn't want to go to college far from home and leave my dad all alone; especially in our same house. After the accident, we both contemplated leaving— it just seemed too painful to stay.

However, we chose to stay and push through the pain. It was our childhood home, and it just contained too many good memories to leave behind.

Thus, I chose to attend a university that was 40 minutes from him; Far enough to give me my needed space and have a classic college experience, but close enough for frequent visits and home-cooked meals.

I had just barely made a dent into my "oldies" playlist when I soon arrived. I pulled into the familiar drive, taking note of the sad looking, unused basketball hoop my dad refused to get rid of.

I had barely shut off the engine of my car when I noticed my dad standing in the doorway. He must have heard the brakes of my car squeak— it wasn't in the best of shape.

I pulled my small duffel out of the passenger seat, briefly getting caught on the gear shift before ungracefully stumbling out of my car.

"Emery, hey! How are you sweet pea," my dad greeted when I reached him, holding the door wide open as I entered.

"Hi dad," I returned the greeting, slinging my duffel further over my shoulder to give him a hug. "I'm doing alright. How are you?"

"As well as I can be," he said as he returned my hug, "Come on in and get settled!"

I pulled away and followed my dad into our house, dismissing myself briefly to put my things upstairs in my room.

As I emerged up the familiar staircase, I took in the surroundings. I came home often, but it didn't change the fact that every time I walked upstairs I would get emotional. Addy and I didn't share a room, but hers was located next to mine. Now as I entered my room, I needed to pass by her door, which used to be decorated but has since become bare. Leaving Addy's hand-made sign up on her door was too difficult for us to look at every day, but seeing it empty and plain didn't feel right either.

I stopped for a minute in the hallway, staring at the door. I wasn't sure how my dad did it... staying in this house alone; sleeping in a bed where my mother once slept by his side. He was strong, but I wasn't sure if I would have been able to do it.

I shook my head, walking into my bedroom. It was simple; I was a fairly simple girl and lived a minimalist lifestyle. I never asked my dad for anything and bought whatever I needed myself through working as a waitress. I guess I just didn't want to burden him with anything after all he'd been through. I had what I needed, and often my dad would surprise me with a gift, but I didn't ever want to ask unless it was an emergency.

My bed sat against my back wall in the center of my room, with a large wooden dresser and small TV sitting on top. I had small night stands on either side of my bed with candles scattered around my room. I loved candles and would light them by mood or activity— eucalyptus when studying, fresh linens when cleaning, floral on a hot summers day, sugar cookie in the winter. I had many more candles throughout the house, but my room contained most of them.

I set my duffel bag down on my light grey bed spread, leaning it against my rose gold accent pillows. I walked over to my dresser, picking up a picture frame and running my fingers along the edges. I loved this picture. It was a family portrait taken one day when we were at the beach. It was taken a few months before the accident, and I liked to reminisce on how things once were. We were so happy; everyone's smiles so effortless.

I gently placed the frame back onto my dresser, taking a quick look at myself in the mirror. I wasn't an unhappy person anymore, but sometimes when I looked into my own eyes, I didn't see the happiness that I once had. I had come a long way, but I knew I still had some healing to do. I just wasn't sure how to get there.

For now though, I ran my fingers through my hair, cleared away any makeup smudges from my eyes, and headed back downstairs.

I came home to be with my dad on a difficult day, and that's exactly what I intended to do. Little did I know, that this trip home would, once again, change my life completely.