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CHAPTER 42
I could feel my nervousness and my heart were beating so fast. I did not know what would happen this night. I just wish that this will be over as soon as I can bear because I might collapse here, in front of Mister Adonis and madame Lucia. Damn it.
When Jinx asked me about the dinner, I have no choice but to face them. I had to respect them because they were the parents of Jinx. I should and must respect them. They were a parent and they did not deserve to be escaped from.
I stopped my hands from shaking and pretended that I was okay here.
I will be fine.
"So, would you tell me if you really love my son?" Madame Lucia asked while raising her brows. I gulped. Jinx was about to say something when I stopped him.
I want him to stop from defending me. I will be better. I want to face a challenges alone, because he will not be always here beside me for a support. No one would stay forever.
"Astra," Jinx warned me but I just smiled at him. I then t
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Just how really the time flies fast for us to notice it.I was smiling to the employees and business man and woman the whole event. I did not even know what my purpose is for attending because I was just silent and following to what Madame Lucia tells me to do."You want to go home now?" Jinx asked and leaned over to whisper. We were just sitting in a round table and looking people around. They look so happy and it will never be the same for me.It was awkward here. I did not even know someone here except Sew and Jinx."Nah, I should finish the event," I said, not looking at him."Alright, just tell me if you might change your mind, hmm?"I just nodded my head. I sipped on my drink and forced a smile at him. We just continued the night. Whenever his mother calls him to introduce himself to a friend, I always get left alone. I just kept on being silent."Hey," someone sat beside me.I smiled when I saw that it was Simon. "Yeah,
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Wretched Self CHAPTER 45
Wait, what? You two kissed?!"I almost cover my ears when Sew asked that thing so loud. I just whisper that to her because I was too shy, but then, here she was, screaming triumph but somehow surprised. My cheeks was already getting red and I know, she clearly saw how I blushed."Yes, but please, calm your voice down," I almost plead. She covered her mouth and let out a small laugh. I diverted my gaze off her because I am already shaking.Jinx just brought me home and it was already 3 hours after morning came. I couldn't sleep because his lips seems like stayed with mine. I mean, I still could feel it! Damn that man, he was making me go fucking crazy again.I gulped and stopped myself from touching my lips. If I could only not wash my lips forever."Why did you let him? You said you will just let him kiss you when you turn 18, right? What happened now? You could not resist it?" Sew said while I was not looking at her."What? No! It's my damn
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I still could not get what happened.As far as I have known, Madame Lucia hates me. She does not like me for her son. She does not like the way I wear outfits, and she see me as a trash. But then, now was different. The way she looks at me, it has something to do with my euphoria.I smiled in my inner me. I want to scream, I want to hug her, I want to tell nor show to her how happy I am. But maybe, she does not like me do such a thing. I think I am still a disgusting woman she first saw.I could not tell it by just her eyes!I know, eyes cannot lie, but I did not want to give myself false hope because I will just be the one who would be hurt.I should know my place.We went to the backyard of their mansion. I was a bit shy because Jinx did this for me. This is their house and funny how I celebrate my birthday here. It was theirs and it felt very awkward!"Hey, calm down, please?" Jinx looked at me, worries written all over his face.
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"I apologize for every bad things I do to you."That was the first thing Madame Lucia let out as we both sat in the bench behind the flowers covering their background. I have been here with months already but funny how I could not memorize the place and how this mansion go flow. This was kind of maze.I looked at her with my pleading eyes. I did not like the thought that she is being sorry. Yes, she did wrong, but I do not need her apologies because I already understands her from the start.I gulped as my chest tightened. "You do not have to...""But I want to, Astra."She sounded so damn serious and I could sense her feeling guilty. I sighed and shook my head. God, this is so awkward and embarrassing at the same time. This is torture for me, fucking damn."Anyway, if you want to, then I will just accept it. It is my pleasure to be thrown with your sorry, but really -"I was cut off because of her sighs. "I want to say sorry because I
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"What are your plans now?"I was busy eating in the table when Sew appeared. I really avoided her for many weeks because of shame. I am feeling so embarrass because of my immature act these past few days. I really scold myself big time for making her worry and feel bad. I just gave headache to her."What do you mean?" I asked in monotone. Good thing I didn't stutter. I sipped on my water while not looking at her. I am really ashamed. I don't have the face and guts to look at her in the eye."I am asking if what are your plans," she repeated."I... I don't have..." I said and shook my head. "I don't know what to do. B-But maybe, I will just continue living and wait 'till death..."She almost stomped her feet. "Come on, Astra. You are being selfish! Think of the people who loves you!""There is?" Tears started to form in my eyes."Of course
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JINX'S POV"Please, marry your fiancee. Stop loving me... Your feelings towards me is just... is just useless..."That remarks from the woman I love is like a pointed knife keeps on tugging my chest through my heart. It hurts a lot. It was like breaking me. It was like I am slowly falling down and the time I touch the floor, I will be nothing but a debris alone.I should have told her the truth before I confess my feelings towards her so it wouldn't be so much hard like the current. I should have told her that I have a fiancee and I am willing to cancel the marriage for her. I should have told her before she get hurt. But fuck this Cowardliness.I was about to... but I thought that she might push me away and hate me.It was all my fault..."Jinx, do your job correctly," said mom. But I was too preoccupied with my thoughts that I didn't bother to look at her. "It's over! Don't be too much driven by that Astra! You have Jane, okay? She is bett
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