Why the human mind is so complicated? Or is the heart? Does our heart really have the ability to think differently from our mind as people say?
Because my mind knows what I shouldn't do but my heart craves for it. Just because I listen to my heart, am I considered weak in this world?
I don't know how long I cried that night before drifting off to sleep. I spent that night thinking a lot about which path I should take. After an ample amount of thinking and considering a lot of scenarios, I came to a decision that is good for everyone.
I need to get rid of these feelings for Vian if I don't want to mess up my friendship with Vian and Jay. To do that, first I need some distance from Vian, and I need a distraction. Only one person can give me both right now.
The next day although the thought of Vian being with Hazel on a date tortured me, I didn't let it take over me. I spent every minute of the day making up my mind about letting Vian go and not getting hurt
Every year we celebrate the day our school was founded as Foundation day. It feels like a festival and everyone at school looks forward to this day.We have so many clubs at school and each member of the club chosen as a leader takes responsibility for an event conducted by that club on that day.I was in Eco Club, and I was chosen as a leader this time. We planned to plant trees all over the town on that day. Jay and Vian volunteered to help me.Other clubs also organized a food festival in the afternoon and a party by the music club in the evening. Jay and Haze were in charge of that party."So you are not going to talk to him ever?" Jay asked me lying down on my bed lazily watching me rummaging through my wardrobe for a nice dress for the party tomorrow.Jay came back earlier than expected from London. I don't know what Vian said but once he found out that we are in a fight he started pestering to talk it out with Vian."You guys are mise
Dear diary, It's been a long time since I wrote but now I am here since I feel good about everything that's going on. I guess I finally conquered my emotions. I know it's stupid, but I feel like I am doing ok around Vian. He doesn't affect me much anymore.It's been a month since that fight with Ryan or should I say a misunderstanding? Vian and I were keeping our distance at school even though we didn't talk about it.I didn't tell him what happened with Ryan that night. I am pretty sure if I told him he would do the opposite just to rile Ryan up.I also understood Vian was doing it for Haze. He must have liked her a lot. That thought itself sent a million daggers towards my heart a few weeks ago but I guess I am sensitized to it now. Nowadays I could at least smile when I see them together. All thanks to Ryan.He is good at distracting me from my reality. We went out on dates a lot, and I always had fun when I was with h
I tried so hard not to move and preparing myself for the kiss but I couldn't do it. I turned my head slightly at the last second, making his lips touching the corner of my lips."I am so sorry," I said in a croaked voice. I felt so bad to the extent where I was on the verge of crying. I don't know why I can't do it. I want it, but I can't do it... it's like my body has a brain on its own.He didn't let me go immediately. He rested my head on my forehead. "It's okay. I am sorry. I shouldn't have rushed you." He apologized.I nodded my head 'no' since I couldn't form any words. I wouldn't feel so bad if he got angry instead of apologizing."It's just that you make me go crazy sometimes especially tonight. Looking at you in that dress..." he stopped before he could say anything and slowly released me."Let's go watch that movie." He grabbed my hand and pulled me to his bed.He played the movie and joined me on the bed cuddling me. For the first
FAST FORWARD 7 YEARSVian’s POVI was standing on the 24th floor, the roof of our company wearing a mandarin collar shirt and crisply creased dark blue trousers paired with a blazer of the same color. I threw my blazer on the wooden bench at the near corner since I was feeling stuffy in it. The wind was strong making my styled hair go wild. I was supposed to be at the photoshoot with my band members, but I didn’t know where to go to escape from my manager. I knew he will find me eventually, but I just have to get some air before that.I looked up at the sky and noticed a couple of moving clouds.“Did she send you? Do you have her message for me?” I talked to myself looking at them imagining that they would a
“Remember this, Ava. Remember I am your first and I intend to be your first in everything.” He said stroking my cheeks and took steps backward… further away after a kiss on my forehead.Have you ever felt like erasing something from your life? It was the one thing that you have wanted for your whole life yet when it’s in your hands you feel like abandoning it and run away. Something inside you keeps shouting at you to turn your back and walk away.That’s how I felt that night after Vian left my bedroom. I walked away to get to the door after begging him with my eyes not to leave. I looked back one last time before I turn the knob of the door somehow knowing that he wouldn’t be there. As expected I heard a loud thud outside my window and I know he is gone… just like that.“Hey, Aves.” Jay was standing in front of my door half asleep with disheveled hair. 
I couldn’t concentrate on anything else after that. My mind was a mess thinking about the events of last night and that morning. I was confused with my action and ashamed of myself.So I sneaked out of my school during the third period unable to withstand Ryan’s good mood and his questions about my low spirits. I just needed some space, from everything. Suddenly my life felt so stuffy.I wandered around the streets aimlessly trying to run away from my problems. I know they will catch up to me eventually, but I just needed this feeling to be free… however short it might be.I came back to school after hours once I know there will be no one at school. I sat under my favorite tree and started writing my journal to unfurl the complexity of my mind. I always felt like I could think clearly after I wrote everything in my journal.“I thought I would find you here.” I heard Rya
Finally, the day arrived, the day that my boyfriend and my best friends were looking forward to. The Interschool basketball competition. They are competing with our rival school, Hilton high school. Like I’ve mentioned before our school has never won for the past ten years but they have been practicing hard to win the cup this time.Vian and Jay haven’t talked to me yet. They’ve been avoiding me since that day using the excuse of practice for the game. I tried to convince them that it won’t happen again and apologized for it numerous times for what happened, but they still avoided me like I am an infestation.I know why they are angry. It’s not that I wasn’t there for the party but I forgot to spend time with my friends after I started dating Ryan and gave them the wrong idea that Ryan’s more important to me than them.I realized my mistake, and I have been trying to make amends since then but they are being stubbo
I have been thinking about what Hazel said to me. What did she mean when she said don’t trust Ryan? I was racking my mind to at least guess what she meant but nothing.Since the day Ryan and I started dating, he didn’t give me a single reason to doubt him. I thought he was always sweet and a gentleman. There is not one thing to point out something about Ryan to doubt as far as I know. He is a perfect boyfriend.But now as my mind was thinking all kinds of possibilities after I talked to Haze, I can’t help but think that what if he was just acting perfect. Jay and Vian warned me numerous times to stay away from him but I never once thought why. I always assumed that it was just because that they don’t like each other.We drove in silence to Jackson’s house where the party was going on. Ryan was drowned in his happiness of their victory, so he didn’t notice my change of mood or he let me be because he thought that I was upset ab