Chapter 59

"I do not know what you want me to say Zee." But I knew exactly what she wanted me to say and I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I wanted to say something, anything that had some type of substance. I wanted to say something that represented how I felt inside. I mean I knew what she wanted, but I was not sure if exactly that, that I could give it to her. I was still conflicted as to how and why I did that. I was in such a trance like state that it did not even cross my life who or what that I would be living behind. But regardless, what was done was done. Now all I could do was fathom how and if that gun contained the real bullets, then what? What would happen then? And what would I do then? I would have left everyone and everything I love, I would have left all of them behind. Godness, I can not even think about something like that, it was almost too much and too hard to bear. 

"I know that you know what you want to say, Alexis. I know how you feel. Truly, I do. But if