Amaija
I walk out of my meeting feeling nauseous. This is the third time I’ve felt like this in a week. I feel my forehead to check for a fever, but it isn’t warm. I take two more steps before I sway to the side. I grab the glass wall beside me, steadying myself.
“Are you alright, Ms. Klein?” Amy, my assistant, asks.
“I’m fine, just a bit nauseous.”“Nauseous? Was it the food? Should I...” Amy sounded very concerned. I laugh.“I’ve been raised in Japanese food, my mother has an unhealthy obsession with the culture, so I doubt it’s that,” I reply.
“If it were any other woman, I would think pregnancy was possible, but you’re so focused on launching this game I....”“Pregnant?” I pause.The word hits me like a bucket of ice-cold water. I close my eyes swallowing hard as I try to figure out the date of my last period. The last time was the week after Xoi's birthday...which was two months ago. My heart echos in my body. Pregnant? I’m not ready; I just launched a new game, I’m constantly traveling, and Xoi is barely 21. Xoi, how would he take the news? We’ve been playing house for two years, and I love him, I do, but I'm sure he's not ready for kids.
“No? No, I can’t be pregnant, I can’t,” I panic. I start pacing back and forth.
“Are you sure you're okay?” Amy asks.“I'm not pregnant.”*****“おめでとうございます、あなたは妊娠6週間です (Congratulations, you're six weeks pregnant),” exclaims Dr. Sun.My stomach sinks. I'm pregnant. She's asking me questions, but all I can think about is what I should do. My phone suddenly rings, pulling me from my thoughts. I look at the caller ID; it's Jaden. I press the answer button immediately.
“Hi, my beautiful sister, how's Japan?” Jaden gleefully asks.
“Jaden. I'm pregnant.”The line goes silent.“Jaden...”
“Con..grats?” he’s undoubtedly unsure of what to say.“Oni Chan (big brother), this is not the time to be shady; I need my older brother.” I plead with him.“I’m sorry, Imoto (baby sis), but I don’t know how to react. Are you happy?” he replies.“I’m...” I should be strong and put on a brave face, but this is my only brother, after all. “I’m dread...”“(赤ちゃんの鼓動を聞きたいですか? (Would you like to hear your baby’s heartbeat?).” Dr. Sun interrupts our conversation. Did I want to hear the baby’s heartbeat? Wouldn’t that be too real? That would make it too real. I’m not ready for reality.
I’m about to shake my head no when Jaden speaks. “Go ahead, listen to your baby’s heartbeat.”
“It makes it so... real,” I whisper, nerves on edge. I am perplexed about everything that is happening.“You’re already pregnant, Imoto; it can’t get any more real than that.”I sigh, knowing he’s right.
“Stay with me?” I tell him.
“Even in death, I would be with you,” my brother declares.“Morbid much?” I tease him.He laughs as I climb on the table and lift my shirt, eyes closed, hands gripping the phone, and my heart slamming in my chest. I wait for the doctor to perform the ultrasound.
“I am my mother’s son.”
“That is very true,”I feel her putting the gel on my stomach a minute later; it feels cold to the touch. Immediately proceeding with the gel is the ultrasound machine. She spreads it all over my stomach in search of the baby’s heartbeat.
“It feels weird,” I say, eyes still tightly shut.
“It should,” Jaden, still on the other line.“Should it? Are you an ultrasound expert?” I tease him again. He chuckles, which relaxes me a bit, and I realize I’ve been tensed the entire time she’s had the machine on my stomach.“I googled; it says first time is always weird for new moms,” he continues.“Mom. I can’t believe I’m going to be a mother.”
“You’ll be a great one; you have the best example,” Jaden proclaims.Amused by him, I say, “You never miss a chance to praise mom shamelessly.”“Well, I am a momma’s boy,” he answers.I laugh when the sound of the heartbeat comes on the monitor. Loud and strong, my eyes shoot open as I listen to the vigorous pounding, that’s my baby. It’s finally hit me; I’m having a baby, who I have to love and protect. A wave of emotions washes over me, anxiety, fear, dread but most importantly, joy. I’m having a baby with the man I love, so what if I didn’t plan it? Some of the best gifts are unplanned.
“That’s my niece or nephew,” Jaden exclaims. “Yeah,” I whisper.“They’ll be perfect, so...who’s the father?” he asks, ruining my emotional moment. I wipe the tears that had rolled down my face.“Jaden...”
I sigh, pulling down my shirt and walking out of the office after thanking the doctor and receiving her notes. Jaden is not a fan of Xoi; he thinks he’s lazy and using me. He doesn’t understand that building an online gaming audience is lucrative in today’s world. People make millions on YouTube, yeah, Xoi might not be there right now, but he will be one day. I believe in him.
“Please tell me you got drunk at a bar, and the father is a stranger.”
“No, my hoe days passed in college,” I tell him.“Unfortunate...so it’s definitely Xoi, he’s going to be in our lives forever?” he sounds pretty hopeless.“Oni Chan, I need your support.”He sighs.
“Okay, fine, I’ll support you; I haven’t killed him in two years; what’s sixty-five more?” he says.
I laugh.
“Thanks for always making me laugh,” I sincerely tell him.
“That’s my job, Imoto.”I smile, thankful I had him to lean on.
“So, have you told your baby daddy?” he inquires after a while.
“He’s not my baby daddy; he’s the father of my child.”“Same thing, have you told him?” Jaden, repeating his question.“No, I just found out,” I honestly tell him.“Can you not?” he asks.“Jaden, I’m hanging up now,” I tell him instead of answering.“Okay, okay, I love you, Imoto. Call me if you need anything.”“I will love you too, Oni Chan. Oh, and don’t tell mom and dad, I want to break the news to them myself.”He gasps. I sigh; he’s so dramatic.
“I can’t keep secrets from my mother,” he retorts.
“Did you tell her that you were the one who broke the window in the sunroom when you were 15 because you snuck out on a date?” I reply, threatening him with a decade-old childhood memory.“Now that I think about it, it would be best coming from you...” Jaden answers. I laugh.“Right...you can tell Brin if you must tell someone,” I tell him.
“Great! Brin will be so excited, well, until she finds out Xoi is the father.” He really can’t get over the fact that Xoi is the father of my baby.I do not reply anymore. “Bye!”I quickly hung up the phone, annoyed. They will have to get used to Xoi; he isn’t going anywhere. I sigh as I walk out of the doctor’s office, making the short trip to my town car, and nod to Peter, my driver, before getting in the car. Once I’m in the car, I breathe. I’m going to be a mother. I should tell Xoi; I grab my phone but quickly put it down. This wasn’t the news you shared over the phone.
“I’m going to be a mommy,” I say out loud, needing to hear how it sounded. Pretty good; I smile, rubbing my stomach for the first time. My heart feels warm and fuzzy as I think about holding my baby in my arms for the first time. I’m looking forward to meeting you, my sweet, sweet akachan (baby). I smile fondly, recalling the nickname mom called me until I was 15. I hope I’ll be half the mother mom was. “Baby, I’ll try my best.” Without another thought, I start talking to my stomach.
“Hi baby, Momma has to level with you. You weren’t planned, and I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’ll do my best. Plus, I have the best mom in the world, so she’ll help me to… but anyway, don’t ever tell her I said she’s the best mom; she’s already a narcissist.”
I chuckle, rubbing my stomach until I drift off to sleep.
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I walk to the door of my penthouse nervously; I’m about to tell Xoi that we’re about to be parents. I’m nervous to see his reaction; looking at the bear in my hands, I inhale and exhale, trying to steady my pounding heart.“Okay, buddy, you’re up.” It wasn’t much, but it was the only thing I found at the airport since I rushed back to tell him the news. “Don’t look at me like that football; you have to tell him.”
I chuckle to myself as I search my purse for the keys. Once I locate them, I quickly open the door as nerves take over. I drop my bags on the floor then walk to our bedroom; he’s lying in bed sleeping. I can make out the outline of his face from the moonlight coming through the window. I sit beside him and kiss him gently on the lips.
“Babe..,” I whisper, rocking him gently before kissing him on the neck.
“Babe,” I whisper again; this time, he wakes up. He’s disoriented initially, but then he smiles.
“My heart,” he says.
I turn on the lamp beside the bed to get a better look at his face: my man, the father of my child. We share a passionate kiss before reluctantly pulling away.
“I love you,” I tell him.
“I love you too.”I smile as he sits up.
“How did your live streams go?” I ask him.
“Good, I had a hundred thousand views today...wait, why are you back already? I thought you were back next week,” he asks, wondering.“What, you’re not happy to see me?” I pout.“Of course I am. You’re my heart, babe. I love you.”I smile. He started calling me that after meeting my parents and their obnoxious love for each other. Dad calls Mom ‘My love,’ and she calls him ‘Hanibanchi’ (honey bunches). After hearing dad calling Mom ‘my love,’ Xoi started calling me ‘my heart.’ It doesn’t make me smile like Mom does when dad says ‘my love,’ but it gives me a warm feeling. However, I shouldn't compare my relationship to my parents since; those two are obsessed with each other.“I have some news,” I begin.
“News? Good or Bad?”I answer him, “Well, it depends. It’s either it’s good, and I kiss you, or I cut you.”He laughs, wraps his hands around me, and pulls me into the bed, on top of him.
“So violent,” he retorts.
I smile, snuggling into him.
“Okay, now that we’re nice and comfortable, tell me what it is,” he continues.
“Ahh...” I don’t know what to say. Then, remembering the bear in my right hand, I shove it on his face. He grabs the bear and looks at it, confused.“Number one, dad?” he asks; confusion is shown all over his face.
“Congratulations, you’re going to be a dad!” I shout, rolling off him to the other side of the bed. I stuff my face into the pillow awaiting his reaction.“You’re pregnant?!”I slowly lift my head and nod; he grins. “Oh my god, we’re having a baby!” He jumps out of bed and starts to dance as I sit up.
“You’re truly okay with this?” I ask, surprised by his reaction.
He stops dancing then walks over to me.
“Of course I am; you’re my heart; the baby is something we created.” He smiles as he leans in and kisses my lips; when we pull apart, I laugh. The uncertainty is gone; I now feel nothing but pure joy.
“We’re having a baby!” I jump to my feet on the bed; he pulls me into his arms, swinging around: “We’re having a baby!!!!”
Amaija I roll out of bed the following day excited. Xoi is streaming today, so he’s getting ready to go to the apartment he rents downtown. He walks in the room dressed and kisses me on my cheek. “Goodbye, my heart.” He rubs my tummy. “And my little heart.”I smile as he leans in and kisses me on the lips, then pulls away. “Goodbye, have a great day at work,” I tell him. “Thank you, I will,” he winks at me and walks out of the room. Once he’s gone, I walk to the bathroom, pull my hair in a loose bun, wash my face and brush my teeth. I walk past the floor-length mirror and stop, my stomach is still flat, but it will be round in a couple of months. “I wonder what will it look like?” I say to myself. A brilliant idea comes to mind, so I run into the room, grab a pillow and stuff it under my t-shirt. I look at myself from all angles. “It suits you.” I jump and shriek, then stop when I see Jaden's face. I walk over to him and punch him. “Hey, no beating up, Oni Chan
Two months later Amaija I sit by the fridge with a pile of food laid out before me. It’s after midnight. Xoi is streaming late, so he’ll probably sleep at his office tonight. I woke up starving; this little one keeps me on my toes. Thankfully, my morning sickness had now passed, but these nighttime hunger surges are in to replace it. “You’re a greedy one, aren’t you?”I scoop another chunk of ice cream in my mouth, savoring the taste. “My heart…”I jump at the sound of his voice; he’s talked to me about having these nighttime meals, but he’s not the one carrying his big head baby, and mama gotta eat. I turn my face to the side to hide, then scoop another spoon of ice cream and swallow it. Xoi laughs as he walks up to me. “Babe, we talked about this; the doctor doesn’t recommend it.” He says. "Babe, you do want our child to starve, do you? The little one wants ice cream,” I tell him. “
An hour later, we are walking through the mall downtown. Zara’s bought a couple of lingerie pieces and a teddy bear for the baby. She’s also purchased a couple of gender-neutral baby clothes that look too cute to pass up. A little exhausted and hungry, we stop at an ice cream stand to get two cones. "So, do you think Jaden will be happy if I showed up in a trench coat and lingerie?” she’s not yet done with her ‘Jaden questions.’ I sigh. “What if you show up and he has someone over?” I ask. She shrugs, “I would just leave.” “Wouldn’t it break your heart?” “No, I’m not in love with him... I’m just trying to see what that mouth does,” she replies. I groan. “That is my brother, so I don’t want to know that.” She laughs. “All of y’all are nasty, mom and dad, Brin, you, every single one of y’all.” She is still laughing as something, or someone catches my eyes. I tilt my head to the side, staring at the person who looks a
Amaija “Oni chan!” I whine. It’s been a week since I found out Xoi is a two-timing piece of shit. Since then, Jaden has discovered that the apartment he films in he, well I own it, he bought it with my money, signed my name on the mortgage, and lives there with his girlfriend of 5 years. I was the queen of idiots in this relationship, but the worse part of it is that I miss him. How do I miss someone who lied to me and used me? I feel the tears coming again, but I push them away. He’s not worth my tears. “Oni chan,” I call Jaden again. “Imoto?! Are you okay?” “Yeah, can you pass me the remote?” He frowns but grabs it. “Imoto, I have a lot of work to do,” he tells me. “Oni Chan, l need a hug,”He sighs and sits beside me on the couch, and pulls me into his comforting arms. He pulls away slowly. “We changed the locks on your apartment,”
Amaija I’m lying on the couch in my apartment. It’s been a month since I moved back in, and all I do is go to work, come back and watch movies. My family has been bugging me to go out, but why would I need to? Everything can be delivered nowadays. Well, everything except a man, but I’m off those for the next few years. It’s Saturday, and I’m in my mid-Saturday routine of ice cream and N*****x. I chuckle at a joke on the tv when my doorbell starts ringing. Ugh. I know it’s someone from my annoying family. I know they mean well but trying to drag me out of the house every weekend is not helping. Ding Dong! Ding Dong! I turn up the tv; they will leave eventually. Ding Dong, Ding Dong! My phone starts ringing. I ignore it. It vibrates. It’s a text message from Brin, ugh, not her. Anyone but her, she and Federico just got engaged, and while I am happy for her. I can’t sho
Eriq I sit naked, my balls freezing as this man pays me to pose for him. How are we in the same profession, but he can pay someone while I can barely afford rent? “Higher, lift your leg higher,” Pavlo instructs me. “This is the highest it can go, Pavlo,” I tell him. He scowls, gets up and walks over to me then leans in. “Hey, hey, no touching,” I remind him. He smirks. “Having fantasies about me, Enrique.” “It’s Eriq, asshole; you’re the one paying me to look at my ass,” I glare at him. “True, your body is a work of art. Now spread it wider,” “This doesn’t feel right; I already feel a cold draft on my balls,” I tell him. “And what Magnifique balls they are,” Pavlo says. I want to punch him in his face, but I’m two months behind on rent, my paintings aren’t selling, and I don’t want to ask my parents for money again. So I clench my fist but follow his instructions. He nods, then re
Amaija “Are you sure about this?” Brin asks. I nod as we scan through pages of information about sperm donation. Krystel emailed me a couple of days ago. It’s been two weeks since I’ve decided I wanted to have a baby. So far, I’ve only told Brin. “I’m positive, Brin; stop asking.” She sighs. “And what if you meet Mr. Right, but you’re pregnant by some stranger?” she prompts. “If he’s Mr. Right, he won’t care,” I respond. “What man wouldn’t... Frederico!” Brin calls her fiance, who pops his head out of the kitchen. “Si Belleza (yes beauty)” He comes in and kisses her long, passionate kiss. Why did I even come here? I should have told Zara we could wallow with ice cream and N*****x in our singleness. “Miele (honey), would you care if I was pregnant by another man when you met me?” “Of course not, Belleza. You are my soulmate. Even if you were pregnant, you were mine.” “ahh,” Brin says before they ki
Eriq I grab the painting and head for the door. I have to meet the buyer in ten minutes. I should have already been on my way, but I was up all night completing it, and I overslept. “F**k!” I grab it and dash out of the house as Glen walks up the stairs. “I don’t have time for the shit today, Glen; I told you no.” I walk past him down the stair to my car. I open the door of my beat-up old 98 Charger. It was my dad’s car until he gave it to me when I was sixteen. I was so proud of my car; I drove it everywhere until I got my bike. I still love it to this day, but I miss the rush that comes with riding my bike. I place the painting in the backseat as he walks up to me. “Come on; it’s easy money.” “For you, but I don’t want a bunch of kids running around with my DNA that I don’t know.” Having a kid is something special to me. I can't do it carelessly because I'm low on cash. “The likelihood of someone selecting you is low.