KRISTEN

I have always wanted to be part of a group, to have ever lasting, intimate friendships and now I have that and more.

When Mckayla said she's throwing a slumber party for my initiation I thought she was just being metaphorical. I had no idea there was going to be an actual initiation.

The five of us are seated on the carpeted floor of Mckayla's vast bedroom, surrounded by lit scented candles. We are all wearing matching red silk pajamas.

My new red silk pajamas are a courtesy from Mckayla of course. I have a feeling she's the mastermind behind all but anyway,  if I had known this was going to be fancy I would have done a little shopping of my own.

In true style we are all brushing each other's hair, something Mckayla swears is therapeutic. We are also playing secrets and sins, a game the girls invented. 

It's a game which involves talking about, you guessed it, your deepest and darkest secrets and right now it's Tatiana's turn.

"I think it's no secret that I hate that loser my mother calls a boyfriend," Tatiana begins. "But lately my hate has turned into something more, I want him gone forever, I want him to disappear and never come back." From the tone of her voice it's pretty obvious that she really does despise this man, I wonder what he did to deserve such hatred.

"Like kill him?" Max jokes, trying to lighten up the mood.

But Tatiana is not joking. "Yes. I want to kill him, slowly because I want it to hurt. He deserves it for how he treats my brother and I." She says.

I'm shocked, never would I have thought that someone like Tatiana could have such dark thoughts and actually voice them out loud with so much passion. 

But it seems I'm the only one horrified because my other friends don't seem to mind. I guess it is just a game after all and besides, we all have those few seconds of anger where we feel like we can actually kill someone.

"Wow, Tatiana that's dark." Max says.

Tatiana shrugs. "What can I say, it's just a dark twisted fantasy of mine."

"Well I guess I'm just as twisted as you because I would totally help you burry his body." Max starts to laugh and for some reason it makes me laugh too, I guess I'm twisted also.

"Well I think that's enough secrets and sins for one night." Mckayla announces and abruptly stops brushing my hair. I guess the game and the hair brushing go hand in hand?

"Are we going to play another game?" We are now sitting in a circle, wondering what Mckayla has in store us next. Well at least I'm wondering because unlike Max, Ashley and Tatiana, I haven't done this before.

Mckayla looks at me. "There's something we have to give you." She says.

"Like a present?" It's the only thing I can think of even though I certainly wasn't expecting a gift but then again it's not like I have loads of experience with what goes down at sleepovers. "You guys got me a present?"

"Well...." Tatiana starts but Max interrupts her.

"It's a ritual we do. We are going to give you a knife so you can cut your hand and give us some of your blood."

"What?" I ask, shocked and terrified at the idea of some ritual including my blood.

"It's nothing serious." Max sounds nonchalant. "We have all done it."

"That's why we are such good friends." Ashley chips in. "We make sacrifices for each other."

"Don't you wanna be our friend?" Tatiana asks, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"I do." I whisper almost automatically.

"Then what's a little blood?" Mckayla asks. "Just a drop will do."

She is right, what's a little blood? It's not like I have never cut myself before, I certainly have and it wasn't for anything serious. At least this time I will be doing it for a good cause, I will gain four friends, they might be creepy but I like them and I fit in when I'm with them.

"Okay." I whisper. "I will do it." 

"Good choice," Mckayla looks at her sister. "Max get the knife." 

Max immediately gets from the floor and retrieves something, I'm assuming it's the knife, from her sister's bedside table.

So we are actually doing this. I hold out my hand for Max when she joins the circle again after getting the knife.

"You do it." I tell her as I close my eyes. "I'm scared of cuts." It's a white lie of course but I'm scared of maybe overdoing and then ending up in the emergency room.

"Okay." I hear Max say. 

My heart is pounding as I prepare myself for this friendship 'ritual'. Ten seconds later and nothing happens. I'm about to ask what's taking so long when I feel something similar to a bracelet being placed in my hand.

I open my eyes and see a platinum piece of jewelry in my hand. It looks like a necklace but I'm confused, what is happening?

I look up at my four friends and before I can ask them what's going on they burst into fits of laughter, even Mckayla!

"You actually thought we were going to cut you up for some weird friendship ritual?" Max throws her head back as she laughs even harder.

I'm still confused. "What?" Is all I can say.

"We were never going to cut you." Tatiana says. "What kind of freaks do you think we are?"

Wait, so this was just a prank? Now I feel stupid, I should have known they weren't actually serious. "I thought you guys were serious."

"We were just playing with you." Ashley puts her hand on my arm. "I'm sorry if we scared you but it was just a prank. It was actually Mckayla's idea."

Well that piece of information surprises me.

Mckayla flips her hair. "I wanted to prove to all of you that I do have a sense of humor." She sounds so proud of herself. "And I did it, you looked so terrified." She says to me.

"But I was going to do it." I say quickly, meaning every word. 

Tatiana puts her hands on either sides of my face. "We know, I guess you just as weird as the rest of us."

"Except for me because I'm not weird." Mckayla says but Tatiana ignores her.

"You truly are one of us Kristen."

"Yes I am." As I say the words I realize that I actually mean it. I'm just like them, I was ready to give up a pint of my blood just to become one of them. It may have been a prank but I didn't know that at the time and I guess that makes me twisted as well.

"Well, speaking of being one of us," Mckayla practically pushes Tatiana out of her way so she can have my attention. "We really did get you a present."

Oh yeah the piece of jewelry. I had almost forgotten about it. I look down at it and realize it's not a bracelet but rather a neck chain with the letter K.

"We all have one." Mckayla says as she takes the platinum jewel from my hand. "In a way you could say it's a symbol of our friendship." It's only then that I notice that all four of them are wearing a similar necklace with a different letter of course. "Lift up your hair." My friend orders.

I comply and she leans in to put the necklace on around my neck. "There," she says once the task is done. "Now you are truly one of us."

"Thank you guys so much." I almost sound emotional, I guess in a way I kinda am. "This means a lot to me." I say as I play with my new chain.

"Welcome to the group Kristen!" Max practically throws herself in my arms.

"Mind the candles." Mckayla warns her sister but Max doesn't seem to be listening.

"Ok now that the initiation is done," I hear Tatiana say, "Can we please play another game, one with alcohol." She suggests and Max squeals excitedly.

"Let's play marry, kill, fuck."

"That's Max's favourite game." Ashley tells me.

"Everything with fucking involved is Max's favourite game." Tatiana laughs.

"Hey!" Max smacks her playfully but it only makes Tatiana laugh harder. "That's not true."

Mckayla rolls her eyes at them. "Are we going to play this game or not?"

"Yes yes, we are." Max says quickly. "I will go get the alcohol."

"She's very mercurial." I comment as she rushes out of the room to go and get the alcohol.

"That's Max, she's the weirdest one of us all."

And I have to laugh, she's so right and right now, in this moment, being weird feels so right and normal.