I pulled his hand so he could follow me, “Yeah… Seeing Caesar like that made me realize a few things.” I said as we both started walking.
“And what’s that?” He asked, curiously.
“Forgiveness,” I answered, squeezed his hand lightly for encouragement as we started making our way back to the house.
“Can I ask for more details?” Elliot asked.
I took a deep breath as I tried to figure out how to explain it. “I’m still mad about my dad for not understanding my situation, but that doesn’t mean I can be mad at him when I might never explain to him about what happened to me or learn more about my health. Also, if Caesar can apologize then that means people can change as well.”
Elliot came to a stop almost pulling me back to face him, “Does this mean that you can forgive yourself as well?” He asked with a serious expression.
I stood there before leaning ov
I saw my dad at the shed we have by the side of the house and I walked over grabbing a chair to sit down when he saw me but continued to rearrange things inside. Maybe he wanted to talk or he wasn’t ready to listen as well. Sometimes I’m not even sure what he’s thinking and not approaching him always felt like an easier option.“Are you going to stay out here all night?” I asked him.“Just a bit.” He answered.I sat there by the side as I watched him and I took a deep breath before saying, “Dad, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were so affected by my actions and it just never occurred to me that it would hurt you because I was in the right mind to think about what would happen when you find me.”My dad walked over to me pulling a chair to sit beside me. “I don't want you to apologize to me for what happened and I had a lot of thinking to do while you were away. I know I have my own faults
Elliot pulled on the sleeve of my shirt to lead me in the house and we made sure the doors were locked before going upstairs. We took turns to use the restroom preparing ourselves before getting in bed and the whole time I waited outside my bedroom until Elliot was done because I didn’t want to be alone in my room. I wanted to say that the room felt tense, but I also think that it was just me as we moved to lay down and laid down closer together as we realized that the bed was a bit small. Elliot wrapped his arm around me to hold me closer as I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, as I tried to remain calm and hoped that I could fall asleep soon.“Do you want to know what I worry about when I can’t fall asleep?” Elliot asked me as he leaned his head closer towards me and I can feel his fingers brushing across my palm as if trying to get my attention.“What?” I asked him.“Before meeting you, I wondered a few times about
Elliot stood up as well. “How was your weekend?” he asked Luis.“Alright,” Luis said as he rubbed the back of his neck and I could see a hint of blush on his cheek.“What did you do?” I asked, curiously.“Well, after the hangout, I spent almost the whole weekend talking with Jennifer.” He started to say and cleared his throat as if he’s unsure how to continue on from there.“Wait, so did this get serious?” I asked him.“Well, no, not like it’s that serious as you think but maybe we might go out when we’re free,” he answered.“Like a date?” Elliot asked.“Yes, but I’m not sure when I should take her out or where to take her,” Luis replied as we started walking inside the building.“Well, I was kind of hoping for all of us to try and hang out again this weekend…” I said, beginning to feel shy
We all started making our way to an ice cream parlor and we got in line. “I know how hard it is coming out and it can be hard when they don’t understand. It’s harder when they don’t want to accept it.”Elliot sighed as he hugged me, “How did it go when telling your mom? You always talk about how it went with your dad, but you never talked about coming out to your mom.”“I never really did. She found out while I was recovering and I’m sure they told her everything after my therapy sessions. I didn’t have to say it to her.” I told them and glanced at Luis. “She was pretty open about it which surprised me, but I think she was just accepting to help me be comfortable around her and also to be living with her.”“How old were you when your parents divorced?” Luis asked.“Um, six, I think,” I tell them as I try to remember. “I was in both of their custody
“The last real friend I had… He knew what was going on between Chris and I so he tried to help me, but I was scared.” I tell Luis. “He was a good friend that wanted to help me and get me out of that abuse, but I got scared that in the end I only pushed him away so that he could give up on me.”“He said that he didn’t mean it.” Elliot cut in and I glanced over at him.“I know, but still,” I mumbled.Turning away as I felt like I’ve shared enough and I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to answer any more questions that Luis might ask me. I think I’ve reached to an extent that I just want to close myself off from saying something that might be viewed wrongly or having to go to details that I’m not comfortable enough to do so.“We still have a bit of time, should we go somewhere? Want to go walking around the pier?” I heard Elliot say.“No,” I answere
I hung up, putting my phone on the side, as I laid down again taking a deep breath, and just tried to clear my mind. For a while, all I heard was my phone ring and I know this time it could be Luis, either trying to call or text me, but I didn’t bother to look at my phone. I reached for my covers to pull it over my face and I honestly wasn’t sure how to feel because it was all just a mixed emotion between frustration, annoyance, disbelief, and more that I don’t want to recall. I laid there for another couple of minutes before sitting up, reached for my keys, as I’m getting out of bed deciding that I’m just going to take a walk. I didn’t want to be alone in the house with these thoughts and I still didn’t want to talk to anyone so I just kept my phone on silent when I stepped outside.I began walking down the block, putting on my headphones, just wanting to be distracted from my thoughts and it seemed like many feet were on autopilot.
It took me a second to find the strength to get up, he wrapped his arm around me, as he began to lead me to his car. I don’t know what was happening because my head felt heavy and I’ve cried so much that I didn’t even know how I could see where I’m walking. Elliot put the seatbelt on me after getting inside his car and he waited for a second to look me over before getting inside the car driving off towards my house. We got out of the car once we arrived then walked to the front door and he searched through my pockets to grab my keys.“I’m sorry.” I began to say once we’re inside the house.Maybe because I’m back in the comfort of my home that made me able to talk, but my emotions began to build up again like I was trying to catch my breath after running a marathon.“For what?” He asked, making our way to my room.“Of what I said. What I felt and all that was going on in my head. I was
I closed my eyes as I rested my head back on his shoulder again and he moved slightly as he grabbed his phone to make the phone call. “Hello… yeah, he’s fine now. He says that he needs you… Okay.” Elliot pauses for a second and talks to me now. “She wants to know if you want to go to the hospital?”I can feel my fingers slowly grab his shirt as if desperately making sure that I’m not being pulled away and I shake my head. “I’m not going to do anything, I promise. I don’t want to go so they can force me to stay by myself.”“He says no… I-I know..” He says as he goes back to talking to my mom. “I’m not sure. Okay, I will.”I can feel Elliot lowering his arm as he hangs up and I open my eyes to look at him. “What did she say?”“She’s coming in… Actually, I had already called her when I made my way to the park and she&r