Chapter Five

BEC POV

I wake up to rain tapping on the roof the wind blowing against the windows of my bedroom. Everything is still dark but in my room shadows cast on the walls and ceiling from my phone lighting up

Unknown Number

I blink with one eye closed at the bright light coming from the screen tossing my phone back over the edge of the bed still faced up

I groan at the light still being shown on the ceiling, tugging the covers back up not that I needed them I was so hot lately the blanket was more of a comfort being against me making me feel less vulnerable to the world around me. Like I was safe from it all. The smell of Dorian was still clinging to the sheets as if he just left the bed to start his day, but the coldness of the cotton told me other wise. I missed him so much. You never know how much a person affects your life until they are gone just like that no explanation just gone. I feel tears prick the corner of my eyes as I try and blink them away. I think I've cried enough don't you think? I tell myself pulling the covers back to find the room dark again.

I roll to the side facing the window as I listen to the outside wake up, its been just over a solid month now and I've woken up each day feeling more alone than the last. I steady my breathing and listen to the sounds outside of the world waking up and inside my house which is surprisingly quiet right now. Hmmm that's a welcomed change I yawn, its nice to know my family is under the same roof again. though it doesn't stop the empty and alone feeling I have pressing on my chest. The one person who understood everything about me is now gone. buried 6 feet under and cold. man I would give anything to be cold right now, id change places with him in a heart beat.

I here rustling outside my door in the hallway

I flick the covers back and climb out of bed adjusting my shorts that went a little to far up my hips, I reach for my door knob only to have it pushed in by Kris.

"Ughghh SoRrY" she breathes as her forehead hits my cheek and her sopping wet hair sticks to me. I peel her off to look at her face in the dim light creeping in the window of the hall

"what have you done Kris?" I grab her shoulders and pull her back to a standing position

"hMmM?" she purrs

"Kris? what did you do? where have you been? are you drunk?" I whisper forcefully. I shake her shoulders only for her to push me off and go stumbling forward smacking into the post of my bedframe crabbing it to steady herself

"shhhhh shhhh shh shhhhh" she makes the sounds as if she's trying to tell my bed to be quiet

I grab her dragging her to the side of my bed pulling off her jacket that is drenched from the rain, her strands are a dark red clinging to her cheeks along with her makeup from the night before smeared down her face, around her eyes were dark as mascara ran down her cheeks.

I sigh heavy she is hot to the touch like all the alcohol she consumed kept her warm.

this is Kris's attempt at numbing herself for whatever reason she feels the need to when she is "going threw something", I wonder what happened to her so terribly that she went this far to obliterated herself I cant imagine how she would handle someone she loved being ripped away from her. she was so bubbly last night bouncing down the stairs before saying she was heading into town to one of the casinos to meet some friends. I refused her invite, I just wasn't in the mood for bright lights and people touching me yet. our mother though bless her tried really hard to insist Dorian wouldn't want me to stay home and sulk, I should be out celebrating his life not wasting mine away. What does she know about what he would want me to do?

Kris whimpers when she cant get her foot up high enough to unlace a pair of my favorite chuck Taylor's. great I appreciate that sis. I frown and kneel down in front of her and help take them off as she tries to stand and take her pants off only to realize she is still wearing her shit, she peals it off dropping it on my head as I fumble with her wet laces

I untie both shoes successfully and pluck the shirt off my head as she pulls her skin tight wet jeans off only for them to be stuck on her ankles, she giggles sluggishly as I reach down and help peal them off. Once free she climbs into my bed and pulls the covers over her head as I hear her sigh. I stand there looking at the lump in my bed not wanting her take Dorians scent away and replace it with the smell of a damn club and cheap alcohol.

I look down and see her clothes in a heap on the floor, I scoop them up and take them to my bathroom and hang them up on the curtain rod and place my shoes on the register vent to help dry them some. I doubt they will come clean now that she has been out on the town in them. I roll my eyes oh if only they could speak a small smile creeps' in the edge of my mouth. Its hard to be mad at her.

I turn and look at myself only for my smile to fade as I see my under eyes are dark and puffy like I've been awake for a week. my blue eyes more of a dull grey color, But lets be honest I probably haven't slept , I feel like I no more climb in bed and close my eyes and I'm waking up to the dinging of my alarm screaming at me another day has passed.

I reach for the faucet and grab my tooth brush and tooth paste, brushing my teeth I keep roaming over my face looking at how much my features have changed my cheeks are rosy, my skin not as pale probably from wiping my face so much from all the tears I've shed. I continue down and look at my neck seeing my tendons and muscles move under my skin as I roll my neck from side to side comparing them. My pulse pushing on each side as I do, I must have lost some weight from the lack of food, how can I eat when he is sleeping forever. I spit out the used toothpaste leaning down to take in water to rinse my mouth I spit and place my tooth brush back in the holder. I turned takin Kris's wet clothes off the curtain and hanging them on the towel rack, I suppose I should shower since my hair has been in a messy bun since the police came to our home. I turn the water on the spray hissing to life as I adjust the temperature. tugging on my hair that I've re-adjusted god knows how many times, letting my curls drop in a big clump on my back. I take a step back looking again at my image before me in the mirror. it was like a stranger was staring back at me my blue eyes dull watching my fingers trailed along my collar bones down my chest feeling the ripples of my sternum under them, what have I done to myself? my fingers going to my breasts moving slow enough my nipples peaked as my small pink buds tighten causing my skin to prickle I eyed the way my breast tissue sat on my rib cage in a tear drop shape usually more round but I guess again with not eating my whole appearance is dull and lifeless. I'm disgusted with how my reflection looks, I shouldn't skip anymore meals. I turn to look at the shower seeing steam coming up rolling off the ceiling clouding the mirror I climb in and start washing the countless days of dry shampoo away, gently scrubbing my long hair then using conditioner to untangle the mess I neglected. I soaped a poof and scrubbed it along my body. after I was washed off I stand under the water a little longer just thinking. I needed to make an appearance at the winery. I don't think an apology for abandoning my manager and staff is enough, I'm really going to make it up to them. I'm hoping they will all understand it wasn't them, but I just needed to get my shit together. I turn the shower off and grab a towel from the shelf and wrap it around me and step out, thank god the mirror is fogged over. I open the door to my bedroom flicking on my desk light so I don't disturb the sleeping princess in my bed.

I unwrap the towel hanging it on the back of my desk chair and walk over to my dresser and pull out a plain black bra with matching panties only the small pink bows on my hips breaking up the color. I turn to my small closet and as soon as I do Dorian's smell comes wafting out, this is where most of his things were. our closet is small but it worked for us we shared this space neither of us complaining about what space took up what. All of my clothes ended up smelling like him though, One time I mentioned how I was using more perfume than I was used to to cover his masculine smell, he chuckled and said at least every man would know I belonged to him, whatever that meant. I smiled to myself at the memory. I ran my fingers over his shirts hanging up. walking my index and middle finger to my side I pick out a blazer and a V-neck olive silk blouse, turning back out of the closet and closing the door instantly shutting the smell of Dorian back behind it too. Ironically that's exactly what he did to me when he would leave this house for "work". I wasn't blind like he had hoped, I just stupidly thought if I never complained he would always choose me. I loved him but now that he is gone I'm struggling with the idea that maybe he didn't love me the way I loved him. What if I was only an object to him? someone he knew would always be there despite his extra marital affairs. I never dared to confront him, my only way to get back at him was to keep my body to myself. Not that he minded I cant remember the last time he attempted to touch me initiating sex. I cant believe I let this go on for the last 6 years, if anyone knew what kind of life we lived in secret I could only imagine how differently people would treat me knowing how I let the one person I was supposed to trust break me every single day. That's why I wanted the winery I hoped by giving him a reason to be around me would fix things. Fix us. But it didn't it only became a way for Dorian to keep me distracted. Instead of him always being gone now he could tell me it was my fault our marriage was empty. I begged him only one time to let me go, I screamed at him that he didn't love me and that he only wanted to keep me prisoner. But his eyes went dark and he grabbed me but instead of soothing my doubts and calming me down, insisting that I was crazy and it was all made up in my head... I shook my head pushing out all the bad moments we shared. I didn't want to remember him like that. He loved me in his own way and that's how ill remember our marriage.

I open the dresser drawer and pull out a pair of skin tight dark wash jeans, going for a casual look but one that is also comfortable so the day will be easier to get threw. I toss my hair to the side looking at myself in the mirror above my dresser, I walk back into my bathroom adding some concealer and foundation along with a small cat eyeliner, some mascara, lip gloss and finally my favorite set of diamond earrings. Looking at myself I see me again thank god. The glint of my diamond earrings makes me smile bigger, I love shiny things. I'm really drawn to things that glitter and sparkle. Maybe we should have opened up a jewelry store I chuckle at the thought, hell id never sell anything I would have wanted to keep it all!

I walk out of my room making sure Kris was still knocked out and all the light were off grabbing my phone and purse and clicking the door shut I pad down the stairs making my threw the sitting and dinning room to the kitchen. Wanting to grab my travel mug and make a break for it to the winery only when I open the door it wasn't just the smell of coffee that greeted me but my mothers shrill voice.

"Rebecca! Your awake FINALLY! I cannot find your sister her phone no doubt dead since her GPS location is off!" she damn near screams at me holding her hands in the air cursing as she turns on her heal away from the back door that is wide open probably listening for any sound that would alert her to Kris coming home.

"Mom breathe she's upstairs in my bed right now" I wave my hand at her like it was no big deal. But I knew that she defiantly would have been missing had we not had a homing beacon for a mother, we both always knew that if we didn't come home before the sun rose we would be declared a missing person and surly dead in a ditch. Our mothers words not ours

"She's here?! under this roof?! when did she come in!?" he face pursed into a shrew and her eyes narrowed on me

"oh I'm not sure but it was early still dark" I shrug, not a lie since the sun wasn't fully out when I opened my door, though how my mother didn't hear her in the hallway I'll never know.

"well then, I'll call the police station back and let them know" she says curtly

"MOM YOU DIDN'T!" I squealed at her dam near swiping my coffee cup on the ground turning to look at her, her face shocked I would raise my voice at her which I did quite often with her hovering constantly over me

"What Rebecca how was I supposed to know she would end up in your room?!" she looks at me and shrugs

"Ugh well when she wakes be sure to yell at her yourself, I will be at the winery all day today so don't send a search party out to look for me Mom I'll be home late" I turn to head out the door and my mother sighs and agrees I don't give her another moment to guilt trip me into not bringing her, I have enough I need to do I don't need her hovering over my shoulders asking if I'm alright all the time. No I'm not "alright" but I am living so that's a step in the right direction right?

*****************

The rain has stopped and outside was damp and the earth smelled of dead leaves and moss, I always loved the way the air smelled after the rain. I would sit outside when it rained on the enclosed back porch as the storms would roll in, usually alone but a few times I was out here Dorian joined me and we would sit together in silence. It was nice just being able to be near him he did try to be apart of things I loved but he always seemed so distance when he was present so I never spoke not wanting to ruin the moments. I smile thinking about those memories.

I climb in my car and put the key in the ignition only when it rolls over my gas light is on, damnit I hate getting gas. my card never swipes at the pump. I groan. I put it in reverse and back out of my drive way and head towards the gas station down the road only once I pull up its closed for construction none of the pumps are operational! UGH DAMNIT DAMNIT! I'm so stupid I swear I cause my own issues in life. heading towards the next gas station I pray its also not closed because that would be my luck I keep driving knowing its right around here somewhere only I cant find it! the damn gas station has vanished into thin air!

my face is in a panic knowing gas gas light had to been longer than I want to admit. The last time I had gotten gas or even drove myself somewhere was well over a month ago. My fingers drummed on the steering wheel as I franticly looked ahead of where I was driving scanning for literally any gas station. I had for two weeks after Dorians death convinced myself that this was all just a terrible dream and he was going to come back home.

Until the days kept on going and he never walked back in the front door of our house, his car never came home to park in its parking spot, his tooth brush never moved again. his boots never to be taken off in different places in the house and socks being found in random areas on the floor. The last phone call I got from him was 32 days ago he asked me to leave the door unlocked because he lost his keys but his car started so he was sure they were in his car somewhere he just didn't want to dig around for them I laughed at him when he told me because it was silly to not want to waste time on looking for something that important. Now that I look back at it I'm glad he lost them or else I don't think he would have needed to call me. Tears burn when I come to that realization.

I passed not a single gas station and my panic was getting increasingly worse, I needed to find one and soon or else I would be forced to call the only person I know close enough to me. I had spent the days after Dorians accident with him trying to reach Nikolai Dorians brother. But he never returned a single phone call or text message so when I finally gave up I ended up letting Connor handle the arrangements knowing maybe he could get Nikolai here. I felt more comfortable with the idea of them making decisions than it all being on me I knew at some point they must have talked with Dorian about what he wanted if he died. Dorian never once wanted to talk about anything important with me like that. so to me it felt wrong to have to choose things for a man I gave my heart and soul to, only to be hit harder by the fact I never had his. So to save the awkward conversations trying to explain I knew less about my husband than I wanted to admit I just let Connor take over. I nodded agreeing to everything he said hoping he wouldn't question it either. while staying by his side the whole time he insisted I stay at his place so he could keep an eye on me. I didn't know what to do, But Connor did. It was like being in control was easy for him, second nature almost he wasted no time with any decision. there was no "we will call you in the next few days" nothing like that. Everything was handled within days after he took his last breath. now that I think on that too it was it possibly a little to fast? there was no time to stop and think it was act now think later. I wondered if that's how Connor is all the time? Dorian didn't really tell me much about Connor I mean he talked about him a lot but not "about" him in that kind of way. He only mentioned Nik his brother a few times, he never came around after we got married and I never pressed the issue. I'm sure it was just how they handled their relationships. though Connor without hesitation knew all the answers to everyone's questions down to the correct spelling on my name date of birth and address. I'm sure he knew my social security number at this point and if was a better betting woman I'd bet on it that he did.

whelp there's no gas station in site to save my ass, I guess I better suck it up and face him. I reached for my phone just as a 76 came into sight. Fuck am I happy to see that sign!

I pull in when I damn near hear clunking under my hood so I cut power as fast as I could hoping nothing bad would happen once I filled my tank up.

I click the button for my tank door to pop open and swipe my card waiting for it to be denied, when shockingly it wasn't!

I fill my tank and grab the receipt from the machine and toss it on the seat grabbing my purse to head in and grab a drink and a snack for the drive.

I lock my car and head threw the doors and see my favorite energy drink is a BOGO so I grab two who said to much caffeine is bad they can bite me, I grab a bag of salt and vinegar chips and a pack of sweet mint gum and pay the cashier waving off the receipt I turn to head out the door only to see a familiar car at the farthest pump away from me. acting as I didn't see it I grab my sunglasses I stashed on top of my head and I kept walking to my car clicking the unlock button. I herd foot steps behind me as I go to climb in my car, his hand comes out and grabs my door and it doesn't budge when I pull it closed. I look up to be met with the brightest emerald green eyes he damn near cast a shadow over my car.

"Connor Hi" I smile up at him shaking off the small internal panic he caused.

"Bec Hi didn't mean to startle you" he looks down at me a smile on his stunning face

"Oh you didn't scare me haha what's up?" I tilt my head to look at him

"sure sure" he raises an eye brow at me a smile at the corner of his lips before continuing on

"nothing just heading to Meridian Valley for the week to blow off some steam, what about you?"

"oh I see well um nothing much just heading out to handle some things today" I smile still hoping he doesn't inquire more about it I really need to get to the Winery without any distractions today

" Need any help?" he takes a deep breath in and lets it out slow

yes I do so badly.... but I cant have Connor picking up everything right now I need to find my rhythm now that I'm going to be running the show alone now, also noticing how his nostrils flared when he took in that breath, was he smelling me? Dorian's nose used to do that too....

"No ill be okay by myself today, but I appreciate the offer I wouldn't want to come in between you and whoever is waiting on you" I shoot him a wink when really it makes my stomach turn at how many women he has hang off him

"well if you need me call me I'm never far" he lets go of my door so I can close it

"I should be able to manage" I laugh at him

but he doesn't seem amused what did I say wrong?

"if you need help with the winery id be more than willing to help walk you threw some things for it? being part owner and all now" His eyes flicker from green to a darker color I would have missed it if I blinked

"mmmm ill be sure to do that thanks" I say closing my door and starting the ignition

how did he know I was going to the winery? is it that obvious? then I look down at what I'm wearing and think well he must have put it together since the time we spent together I was not dressed this nice or even showered I'm sure he was repulsed at the site let alone the smell of me. My cheeks heat at the embarrassment but it was quickly gone because there's nobody else I would have trusted to see me in my most vulnerable state than Connor, the man just oozes safety and protection like I could be ripping my self apart but if he was near me I knew he could help me make it better. I know now why Dorian made him his best friend. Its hard not to like Connor or to gravitate to him, I knew with both my husband and Connor around I was completely and totally safe from anything.

I sigh heavy as I put the car in drive and notice he was already gone, must be some hot date he's rushing off to. I'm disgusted again at the thoughts that come forward when I think of the one girl he brought over one night when we were in college after a party he was so drunk I doubt he would remember but the sounds ill never forget...that's for sure.

as I get half way to the winery I look over at my phone that's placed in its hands free holder to see my sister texted me and another missed call

NOTIFICATIONS

Krissy Poo: Hey where did you go? moms super pissed at me lol sheesh emoji

Krissy Poo: Also Connor was here, he dropped off some stuff for you...

Missed call Unknown Number

ahah! serves her right I hope mom screamed at her though I doubt she actually did mom was always protecting the baby even though we were only minutes apart, it was honestly annoying how different our mother treated us. I kept driving not answering either of her texts.

Connor was over? bringing what? , I wish I would have seen this to ask him in person. Why didn't he tell me though?

the missed call I didn't even hear come threw and now that I think of it its the second one I've gotten today strange.

Almost the winery I pass Meridian Valley Country club and don't see Connors car parked out front, but then again I don't even park out front of the winery so I suppose I shouldn't be shocked when I don't find his car. a few minutes down the road I see it I sigh man the acres and acres of grapes is breath taking I love seeing the rolling fields and tractors putting along between spraying and checking for any strangled fruit and keeping them healthy. Like tiny baby's being tended to. I smile thinking of my new found heart thriving in front of my eyes and I cant even believe i wanted to sell this place my new safety net. I pull into the big dirt parking lot and drive around the building to the white fence gate and place my card on the small screen for it to lift up to let me pass, I drive threw and it closes behind me Dorian and I are the only ones with the Key cards for this part of the Vineyard though you can walk the dirt path but its a very long driveway. driving the winding pathway the small Cottage coming into view the wooden pergola's covered in ivy vines and beautiful roses climbing up trellis's giving the small house a hidden garden feel. I park and cut the engine only to be 10 acres in deep trees with a 2 acre clearing just for this small house and not a single person or building in site the warm sun kissing my fire red hair birds flying over head chirping and singing with the light breeze. why did it take me so long to come out here this is paradise!

I walk up to the front of the house gravel crunching under my shoes. I open the door that was surprisingly not locked, ill have to get a lock smith out here so that can change, no matter how far away a person can be Dorian insists on locks being done up, he said if someone wants in they will find a way but a lock gives you seconds when seconds count the most, again whatever that means. Sometimes he spoke in riddles which didn't usually bother me because of his smooth accent but other times when I wanted a straight answer he just annoyed me and I wanted to smack him up his big head! I laugh out loud and for the first time since he passed I found myself not feeling crushed by the pain of loosing him almost like being here away from the city made me feel lighter and more at peace with him being gone, like his eternal sleep was right where he needed to be because that was his fate and mine was to carry this winery to the highest point it could reach. Some women wanted to get married and have children and do the domesticated life, Not Dorian and I no we decided children weren't for us, I guess it never bothered me...wait why does it now? anyways no children never needed to be a goal for us...No we had other goals and a family together wasn't one of them...I wonder why? I know damn well my mother never let me forget I needed to get onto the baby train but I could never come up with a reason why I didn't, sure Dorian never really showed interest but was that because I never did?

my head spun, almost literally as I looked around thinking how wonderful this tiny house would feel if a baby made sweet noises playing over by the fire place. I shook my head these thoughts have gone far enough, now that my husband was gone unable to answer my racing questions my mind wants to play house and I was not going to let my heart take the beating my emotions were going to dish out.

I walk threw the cottage pulling white sheets off and opening windows to let the place air out. Dorian and I kept some of the original furniture and moved it here while taking the rest to donation so a lot in here was miss matched and cluttered all over I guess I should call up to the desk and see if I can get someone here to take the rest of this out. there's an older bedroom set in the master bedroom that ill make use of for tonight maybe tomorrow ill go shopping and buy a new bed at least so when I need a place to stay it wont be 60 years old. I shiver at the thought of tossing all the furniture Dorian so excitedly asked to keep almost like he was finding old toys in his parents closets, which by the way we never did there were no childhood mementos from his mother ever. Unlike mine who kept everything down to the popsicle stick bird house we made in pre school.

I pull out my phone calling up to the front desk and Angie answers

"Thank you for calling The Tangled Winery this is Angie speaking what can I do for you today?"

"Hi Angie its Rebecca Stone, I was just calling to see if you could send maintenance out to the cottage and clear away all the furniture out there except the bed in the master room?"

"Mrs. Stone! how are you?! we have missed you so much ill call Antonio right away and have that done, Will you be coming out some time soon? I know Leland will be excited to hear from you!"

Leland is my manager and Dorian and I couldn't have gotten luckier in finding someone with his credentials to run our winery, I owe him big time for stepping up and single handedly running this place without a single word from me, I really don't have words for how grateful I am.

"well I'm actually here on the ground right now, ill make my way up here shortly"

"Oh really?! Great well I'll see you soon then!"

"see you soon Angie"

click

I walk to the master bedroom and find the breaker box. I flip the main breaker on so all the lights and appliances work but I mainly cared that I'd be able to see when I come back later. Making my way back to the front door pulling off white sheets that covered every surface protecting it from the dust. After coughing my lungs out I took the pile in my arms out the back French doors tossing them all in one big heap. I scan the rooms over one last time making mental notes of things I need to fix or update I grabbed my keys to head back up to the main house.

Arriving back up at the main building I give myself a quick once over in the drop down mirror in my car before opening making my way to the front doors of the winery. After opening one of the double glass doors I'm hit with so many aromatic scents, the sound of the small lively fountain trickling in the middle of the room really just brings it together. The fountain is three pots stacked on top of each other pouring infinitely into one another some lily pads and koi fish swimming below. wine bottles line the back of the wall where Angie is sitting soft lighting making the bottles glow and glitter but in the center a Beautifully cursive sign saying Tangled Winery, I smile making eye contact with Angie the tall blonde bombshell we hired to be the first face welcoming guests in and keeping everyone happy and directed to either the Café to the gardens or to the rooms available to rent, she bounces out from behind the desk and wraps me in a hug bending down to embrace me, damn genetics halting my height at 5'2 id kill to have Angie's legs! I squeeze her tightly as she hums in excitement saying how things just haven't been the same with me not being here I assure her that this place was in the best of hands and how I'm so happy to be back. Because I really am so happy to be back I feel guilty even attempting to sell this place. I wave Angie off and tell her I'm going to head to my office and she informs me that Leland is in the gardens but she will radio him that I am here so he can pop in. I thank her as I walk down the hallway to the café to grab a coffee. The hallway is floor to ceiling tempered glass windows giving you views of left and right of the gardens and Vineyard as you walk into a large Atrium style café again giving you clear views of your surroundings the only spot in the large banquet glass room is where the bar is that is contemporary rustic design the bar solid wood with a mat finish that Dorian picked out, there was something about his olde tyme style that really had an impact on the design of this place and I wouldn't have had it any other way this is the piece of him I get to keep for ever.

Mike the chief comes out and greats me in a big bear hug, he is a huge man not tall but just a big guy who knows his way around a kitchen. Our guests are never disappointed in his menus. we chat back and forth about how everyone has missed me and I assure him I'm doing better as the days go by and he nods while pouring me a coffee in my favorite cup I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and he blushes and I thank him while retreating to my office.

I jingle my keys to open the door only to find it already open, I brush it off since Leland is around here somewhere and walk in to place my cup on my desk only to find my desk has been moved and a large stack of white boxes with lids all unlabeled against the wall where my desk normally sits. hmm I scrunch my nose up at them lifting a lid on them only to be startled by Leland saying my name

"Becca!" he grabs me in a hug my arms are to his sides as I try to keep my coffee from spilling I pat him on the back with my free hand and chuckle my fright off

"Leland you almost spilled my coffee!" taking a step back against the boxes to give me some space

"Oh shit I'm sorry my bad I'm just so glad your finally here we have all missed you!"

"everyone keeps saying that" I laugh at him looking as if he's seen a ghost

"well is true, how are you?" he reaches for my hand and I look down at it puzzled that he keeps making physical touch

"I'm good getting better every day, there's still some days harder than others but mostly good"

His brows are scrunched together at my words only to go back to normal at my insistence that I'm good, at least for right now being here I am actually really good and I cant say much more to get everyone to believe me.

"where did all these boxes come from?" pointing behind me at them making him take his gaze some where else other than me

"oh these are from Mr. O'Neill, he said you needed them also that he will be around at some point" he shrugs I know Connor makes most men nervous but the tone behind his words had me thinking he was feeling more territorial about him coming here which struck me as weird.

"hmm got it" I shake my head and he grabs my hand again only this time I'm able to slip my fingers away quick enough it almost seemed like it was an accident he grabbed me

"I actually want to move my desk back so I can go over this last months reports if you could help move these to storage? and get my desk moved back?"

"Oh sure yeah that's no problem ill do it myself, actually the reports are on my desk if you want to look over them there? ill be a little bit getting these moved about" he nods to the boxes and smiles at me

"Great thanks I'll head over to your office then" I turn and make my escape so he cant touch me again

I walk down the hallway to the end and push his door open, Leland apparently doesn't care for locks which has me shaking my head at the thought of something happening to all these important papers just sitting on his desk for anyone to just look over.

45 Minutes pass and I hear a knock on the door, looking up I see Leland with two coffee cups in hand as he places them down on his desk I nod ready to jump right into a few things I noticed that obviously had been taken care of but I wondered by who. the books were immaculate not a penny out of place, even things I know I messed up were corrected not a single trickle effect to be found, which just stressed me out.

when I went to look over at Leland he wasn't in front of me but next to me sitting on the corner next to me on his desk, I turned and pushed back as he crossed his arms over his chest and put his boot by one of the wheels so I couldn't push back any farther.

I did not like where this was going, whatever he was up to I wanted no part of.