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Kabanata 18
Kaugnay na kabanata
For the Unloved Kabanata 19
All my life, I've been searching where can I found the real happiness that I need in this life. Through searching together with different people and travelling in different places... I found it in the most unlikely places. Sometimes happiness stems from loss— from the transformative power of letting go. "Pinatawad mo na ba ang mga magulang mo?" tanong ni Aquilino sa akin habang naghihintay kami ng aming order.Mas lalong napapadalas ang pagkikita namin. Nakahanap ako ng kaibigan sa kaniya, iyong tipo ng kaibigan na wala akong ikinahihiya. Ikinakahiyang i-kwento ang buhay ko, mga nangyari sa araw ko, mga kinaiinisan at kung anu-ano pa. Hindi ko alam na magiging ganito ako kasaya dahil sa kaniya. "Oo naman napatawad ko na sila." Sagot ko rito. Letting go of people who make us feel unworthy, relationships that are no longer benefiting us, feelings of self-doubt, unrealistic expectations that are controlling our lives, regrets, mistakes, and anything and everything else that is slowi
For the Unloved Kabanata 20
I don’t need someone who will drop everything at a moment’s notice, who will stand by my side and never waver, who will be perfect in every single way, even when life gets messy.I don’t need someone who will promise to always say the right things, who will never make mistakes, who will bite his tongue when weI don’t need an ‘ideal’ love, the ‘relationship goals,’ the kind of connection that you only see in fairy tales. I don’t need something that looks pretty for the rest of the world but lacks substance.When it comes down to it, all I want is someone who’s real.He doesn’t have to be my knight in shining armor. He doesn’t have to be dressed in the finest clothes or adorned with the fancy things. He doesn’t have to look a certain way, or hold a certain job, or be a certain status. He doesn’t have to always speak with caution and care. He doesn’t always have to put me first. He doesn’t need to buy expensive things or take me on lavish dates just to keep my attention.He just has t
For the Unloved Kabanata 21
How can I even begin to find myself when I didn't realize I was lost in the first place?I believe the most crucial test of all is the one where we have to find the courage and strength to look for ourselves again and again, because we're always changing. Fear is a significant factor in the way we lose ourselves, more so fear of the unknown. By definition, the unknown is not yet known, but we let it control us. Perhaps the question you should ask is, "How can I be okay again?" Seeing as we're humans, we will lose ourselves many times. It's the game of life, the luck of the draw, the "only time will tell" bull that we always hear. "Gusto mo pa bang magmadre?" tanong nito sa aking mas lalong nagpagulo ng sistema ko.Despite the fact that I grew up with sisters and loved them deeply, admired their lifestyles, and thought them to be the happiest people I knew, the prospect of joining the convent made my heart race with fear. Becoming a Catholic nun is a lengthy process that requires bo
For the Unloved Kabanata 22
"Ramona..." Aquilino called while pulling me close to him, one hand reaching out to caress my chest.I put my arms round him and gave him a quick peck on the lips before leading him inside the room. "God, this is what I really missed..." He said in a bedroom voice and quite panting his breath. My nipples immediately hardened under his expert touch. He bent down to suck my neck, grazing his teeth on my skin in the process. I can feel his need for sex, it was very palpable."You're driving me crazy, Aquilino..." I muttered, my breathless voice giving me away."Fuck it..." said Aquilino starting to undo my blouse buttons. "You're driving me so so crazy too, Ramona."I stood up and demanded for him to get into the bedroom and lay on the bed, naked.He did as I said and I stripped down to nothing but my black lace bra and my already wet matching panties. He caressed me down there. He smirked when he felt my wetness. "You're so excited for me, Ramona. Knowing that makes my buddy get har
For the Unloved Kabanata 23
I want to slow down the time. It's really fascinating how our perception of typical everyday events can be altered when a new love interest enters our lives.Colors seem crisper. All of our surroundings suddenly seem like the landscape that could inspire an artist to paint his masterpiece.Background noise we tried so hard to muffle out just days before, begins to form a rhythm. We find ourselves humming a little rhythm in accompaniment, and shuffling our feet to the beat.Work seems easier. You have a new confidence. No longer struggling with your own mind, doubting your ideas, and settling with your mediocre place in the world for fear of what ifs. What if doesn't work out. What if I'm wrong? What if I'm not good enough?Suddenly, because of the affection of someone new in your life, you know that you are more than good enough.You walk with a swagger that precedes itself.And yes, everything seems to be happening in slow-motion.If only it lasted forever."Can we stay like this fo
For the Unloved Kabanata 24
"May mga libro ako rito, kapag nabagot ka pwede kang magbasa..." Itinuro niya sa akin ang isang istante na puno ng libro. Abala siya sa pag-aayos ng kaniyang buhok sa harap ng salamin. Kaunting minuto nalang at mahuhuli na siya sa klase. Hindi na siya natulog. Kahit na alam kong pagod at puyat ito ay ang gwapo pa rin. "Uuwi rin ako pagkatapos ng klase. Dito na ako kakain ng tanghalian. Para may kasabay ka." I nodded. I looked at the window and the sun is already up outside. I just stayed lying in his bed. My body hurts a lot as well as my femininity. Ang gusto ko nalang talagang gawin buong araw ay ang humilata at matulog. I'm slowly learning how to be at ease when things fall apart and I have to start over. I'm slowly learning how to trust those new beginnings once more, how to trust in the rebirth of things and people, including myself. I'm slowly learning that with every new beginning, I find another lost piece of myself, and with every new adventure, I fall in love with som
For the Unloved Kabanata 25
Home for me has never been a place of safety, of calm, of solace and serenity... but I find that in his arms. Being with him is finally like feeling like I am home, and peace is in his presence."I love you so much, Ramona. I will marry you when the time comes..." He said sweetly. I can sense and feel the adoration and romance in his voice.His deep brown eyes, they are intensely bright, strangely like the calm before a storm. A warm embrace of light, his personality embodies the kind of purity that you can only discern with the right kind of person. "I love you so much too, Aquilino..." As he lays down behind me with his arm around my waist, our bodies curled up together, he brushes the side of my face with his fingertips, with the gentlest sensation of care, and I know this is love.How beautiful it is to be able to experience a love this pure, radiant, honest, true, and genuine. One of the most difficult realizations is the knowledge that some people search their entire lives for
For the Unloved Kabanata 26
"Anong nangyari saiyo, hija? Ano ang problema?" Nag-aalalang tanong nito. Hikbi lang ako ng hikbi. Pagkatapos ng mga nangyari, ngayon nalang din ako nakaapak sa simbahan. Habang pilit pinapakalma ang sistema, nahinto ang tingin ko sa Amang nakapako sa krus sa unahan. Akala ko tuluyan na akong kakalma, akala ko tatahan na ako sa pag-iyak ngunit hindi. Mas lalong napalakas ang pag-iyak ko habang ang mga mata ay nakatuon pa rin doon.Ayokong isipin iyon.Ayokong isiping totoo ang ganoon.Pero ito na ba ang karma ko?Ito na ba ang kabayarang kailangang maranasan ko dahil sa pagtalikod ko sa minsang pinangarap ko kasama ka, Ama?"P-patawad po..." patuloy sa pagkawala ang mga traydor na luha sa aking mga mata. Nasa unahan pa rin ang aking tingin habang iyak ng iyak. Panay ang pagpapatahan sa akin ni Father. "P-patawad... P-patawarin niyo po ako..." Sa wakas ay nabanggit ko rin kahit sobra ang pag-agos ng luha sa mga mata.Sometimes I really suck at all.I'm not a good Christian. I'm sinful
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