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13. Realization

More and more painful memories came to my mind. I felt horrible. I wanted to disappear, go away to a place far from here and from home. It was too much for me to process. Too much happened. I needed an out. I need a place away from it all. Away from these men, away from my toxic family. I wanted to crawl into the darkness and hide in there. So the light will never find me. 

I wanted someone around me who cared for me for the way I am and not for what they want me to be. Someone who liked me as a friend and loved me as a lover. Someone that can tell me everything is alright and I don't need to worry about anything. 

My time here with these men made me realize things I have never seen before. 

I realized that the way my family treated me was plain abuse. I should have left or spoken up to my family. Maybe if I wasn't so fixated on not starting any conflicts I wouldn't have been in this situation. I would be somewhere way nicer than over here. But I

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