Chapter 1

For the longest time Ryu can remember, she has lived a life dissociated from reality. Failing to look at things how they are and from the usual perspective, she gave everything her own custom meaning. Her conspiracy theories along with her giftedness to slap poetics made a singer out of her.

Or at least, a wannabe.

After countless nights spent jotting down lyrics that would keep her awake, melodies buzzing in her mind and a burning passion to do something, she came to Seoul to study music in the biggest university in South Korea.

However, when our story begins to unfold, Ryu wasn't in her best form, or let's rather say, as ambitious as she's been portrayed. In fact, she was sloshed by the edge of the Han River, ranting about the atrocities middle-class people have to face to her best friend with a bottle of soju in her hand.

"It's absolutely ridiculous how everything works. I took debts to pay this stupid university's fees before I even turned eighteen with no security whatsoever. What a great time to be alive in! What a great fucking time."

"I agree. I agree." Irang, her roommate says, nodding furiously.

Ryu groans, taking another large gulp of the alcohol and looking at her side towards the Han River. The cold, humid breeze caresses the high of her cheeks. The river always made her question life and leave a bitter taste on her tongue when she came up with no answers. Why did she do all this? Why did she leave her hometown to pursue something that's not even secure? Sometimes it felt like a stupid thing to do. She didn't have any inherited backup or anything like that to take such a reckless decision and come all the way here to Seoul.

But sometimes it feels like worth the risk. Sometimes it feels like she wasn't worth the risk, she doesn't have exceptional talents, all she has is a desire to make something out of herself so she does that. She tries day and night to improve herself.

Yet-

Yet she blanked out like an empty canvas waiting for an artist to give it colours when they asked where she saw herself in ten years this morning. A mixture of embarrassment and sadness clouds up her brain and she finds herself taking another large gulp of the soju.

"Ryu," Irang says, cutting her very unhealthy train of thought. "You should cut out on drinking, yeah? Don't slip."

Ryu's heart sinks into her stomach.

Yeah, she really should.

She gives her half-empty bottle to Irang and takes out her phone to distract herself. The alcohol was making her sick anyways. As she scrolls through her phone, it rings. She looks at the caller ID and groans.

Now, what does this woman want at this ungodly hour?

"Who's it?" Irang asks.

"It's Mrs Song's call. Isn't it unprofessional of her to call me so late at night?!"

Mrs Song is her University's librarian, but she's also Ryu's assistant in a way. She's in charge of submitting all the resumes for big and small projects offered by celebrities and the kind woman always slips up Ryu's resume ever since she had grown a liking for the girl three years ago. Mrs Song had said that fewer people came to the library to actually study and not make out. Then she noticed that Ryu was scribbling down on a page and asked if she could have a read. Ryu had written these rageful lyrics bashing misogynistic mindset because she was frustrated from the morning when her godforsaken professor had cracked a sexist joke in the class and every second guy had laughed.

Seoul University of performing arts is the biggest University in the city to study performing. Ryu and Irang are on the north campus dedicated entirely to musical arts. So it isn't unique for celebrities to reach out for easy hiring to the college for their projects. It's not anything special either, especially with the competition. But Ryu being one of the fluctuating top students, she's getting pretty decent deals.

"Fucking pick it up before she cuts the call."

Hurriedly, Ryu slides the answering button and brings the phone to her ear and licks her lips, hoping she doesn't sound too drunk.

"Why, hello, beautiful woman, what calls for me being blessed with the honour of your phone call?"

"Ryu, are you drunk?"

The girl smacks her mouth shut.

"Please let this be a good news, Mrs Song." She whines on the call. "I can't handle this university any longer, I'm already suicidal."

"Oh come on–"

"I swear, I'm at the Han contemplating my life decisions."

"Jesus, Ryu– calm down. And do not drown in that river. Is someone with you or not?"

"Yes, Irang is." She mumbles and looks up at her best friend who's stifling her laughter behind her hand.

"Of course. Thank heavens."

"What? She'll jump with me. She's equally frustrated."

"Oh God, just listen to me." The woman snaps. "You remember when Park Minjun's label reached over and asked for a top student for the feminine vocals the singer needed in his upcoming album?"

Ryu's heartbeat speeds up like crazy. Oh yes, she remembers. Her heart had beaten the same way it's beating now when they had heard the news. As she said– it's not unique for students to be met by such offers. It's just that– this one's special for Ryu.

Park Minjun is a global superstar, an icon. His voice is that of a siren and Ryu thinks that her face is literally that of a Greek God's.

Park Minjun has been one of the biggest sources of inspiration for her during her childhood. Continues to be still. So she couldn't have slipped up this chance for any given stake.

Or in simpler words. Ryu has a crush on Park Minjun as fat as his ass. But that's not something to dwell on because every fucking person does.

"Ryu? You still there?"

"Yes! Yes, I'm here. I remember."

"Well...I gave them your resume and..."

"And?"

"You're in."

Oh shit.

"Are you...for real?" She asks, not being able to believe her own ears.

"Yes, you're in. The recording is on this Saturday. I'll mail you the vocals and the lyrics they provided."

"Oh my God," She mumbles. "Oh my God, thank you, Mrs Song, you just saved my night."

"Well then stop drinking if you don't want a bad throat just before your recording."

"I will. I will. I'll do my best."

With a few more words, the call hangs up and she looks at Irang who's waiting expectantly for an explanation.

"I got it. The recording for Park Minjun's song."

"What?!"

"Irang, I got it." She repeats, trying to sink in the information.

There are moments like these when she thinks her reckless decision was worth it. Even if she jumps off this bridge by the end of this year, it will be worth it.

She's gonna do her best for Park Minjun.

*

Saturday comes by quicker than Ryu had expected. She had practised the vocals very hard all week, had taken out extra time and had sneaked into the college's music room almost every lunch.

Then again, she'd never be ready enough for this.

She's wearing the best outfit she could muster so that she could feel the most confident. She's wearing a Louis Vuitton print skirt and a denim jacket of the same, a palette of beige and brown printed on the fabric. She's also wearing leg warmers of the same shade over her boots as it's fucking cold.

Her nerves wracking, she enters the building. She goes towards the reception and tells the receptionist her name and what she's here for. The receptionist provides her with a sensor card for the door. Ryu bows and thanks her before walking further inside.

Park Minjun's recording studio is on the fourth floor and the ride from the elevator is too intimidating even if she's alone. What the fuck is she going to do? What if she messes up? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

As the elevator doors open to the fourth floor, she steps out and sets to search for the recording studio. It isn't long until she finds a door that's been labelled as such. She bites her lip, not knowing what to do, she knocks on the door twice before opening it.

She peeks in to find a man– oh no, not any man – the producer-nim sitting on a chair behind a large ass speaker set. As he hears the sound of the door clicking, along with two other girls in the studio, sitting on the couch, they turn to look at Ryu.

The producer stands up and immediately bows. "Oh, you're finally here." His voice is kind. "Come in. Come in."

"Hello, nice to meet you," Ryu mutters, smiling and bowing to them as she enters the studio. She glances at the two girls who have also stood up and they share their greetings, her heart sinking when she realises that there's no trace of Park Minjun. Not that she had expected him to be here, it was quite the opposite. Why would such a busy star come to a recording of someone he doesn't even know? He has other people to take care of it anyways.

The producer nim speaks again, and he's really loud. "Oh, we heard that you're the top student in your university so we were bound to hire you."

Something about him mentioning something of such irrelevance makes Ryu crack up a nervous laughter along with the other two girls. She's not the top student, she's a fluctuating one. It really depends on her mental health and motivation, she was never one to be a constant.

"Thanks for having me here. It's an honour."

"Okay. Okay, shall we start with the recording?"

"Sure." She replies.

Ryu shuffles inside the recording room as quietly as she can. The whole place is eerily quiet and she feels like it would be a crime to make human noises here.

Licking her lips, she nervously puts on the headphones resting on the microphone, breathing deeply.

"Whenever you're ready," the producer says.

She exhales into the microphone and then nods in his direction. He gives her a thumbs up in response and then the tune is playing. Her eyes flutter close instinctively as she waits for the beat to drop.

And then Ryu is singing.

Escalating each note higher, just like she was asked to do, except for the fact that she is lost in the reverberations of her chest so much that she doesn't even feel nervous anymore, succumbed by the melody that engulfs her, drowning in the one that she creates by herself. All she feels is joy and the thrill of being here, slipping out of the anxiety she felt. The apprehension of not being able to do it.

She felt as confident as ever, she lived for this, of course, she could do it. And she'd give her best for Park Minjun's song.

Ryu loses track of time and space, the fingers that were quivering before now hold the microphone with so much gentleness. Her voice cedes with the melody until it's over and she opens her eyes.

When she catches a glance of a certain figure, her heart stops along with her breath before picking up a pace it has never before.

"Great job, Ryu!" The crew praises, ushering for her to come out of the studio but she's glued to the place and can't stop gawking like an idiot.

Oh. My. God.

Park Minjun is standing there with a smile on his face as he looks directly at her, hands folded across his chest. He probably heard her singing– of course, he did, it's his song. A current runs through her entire body.

"Come out, come out." The producer says, snapping her out of her trance. She removes the headphones and places them back on the microphone, fingers shaking again as she shuffles out of the recording room.

Her panic-stricken brain reminds her to bow at Minjun once she gets out but she is soon engulfed by one of the women who were sitting on the couch, she has bright orange hair and she pats Ryu on the back.

"Oh, you were so talented. I have a feeling you're gonna make big in this industry."

Ryu laughs nervously at her compliment.

"Wasn't she great, sir?" The woman looks at Park Minjun, who looks like he's suddenly caught off-guard by the voice.

He clears his throat. "What?"

"She sang great, didn't she?"

"Oh, yes!" He exclaims before looking directly at Ryu, who feels like she's been petrified. She's standing merely two feet apart from Park fucking Minjun she's gonna die. She's gonna die.

He's real and he's breathing and he's fucking multi-dimensional and not secluded within the mere inches of her phone.

Minjun gently bows at her. "Thank you for your effort. You were really amazing."

Panicking, she clasps her hands in front of her and bows at him too. "Thank you, sir!"

Oh god, she never imagined she'd directly refer to Park Minjun as sir. It just slipped out of her mouth. But for that matter, she never thought she'd ever meet Minjun in person in her lifetime.

"I– um...I must leave now." Ryu says because she doesn't know what else to do. Her job is done, she can't look at Minjun in the eye or she won't be able to stop looking and then it will turn so creepy Minjun will have to call the security to take her out and she doesn't want that.

"So soon? Come on, I'll treat you to lunch downstairs in the cafeteria. It's the least we can do." The woman says.

"Oh, you don't have to! I-I'm full." Honestly, she'll puke if she eats in her state of anxiety. "Actually uh... I've been following a strict diet so I can't really eat at this hour..."

She bites her tongue at the flat lie she just told. She's not on a fucking diet, she's never dieting, finds it unnecessary and anxiety provoking. She's never acted this way with the previous artists she has worked with, then again they've never asked her to lunch either. But something about this setting is so informal yet intimidating at the same time.

"Shame." The woman says and then smiles and reaches out a hand for her to shake. "I hope we work on future projects, Miss."

Ryu shakes her hand. "It would be an honour."

She releases her hand and turns to Minjun, bowing slightly and muttering another 'thank you, sir' as he smiles kindly and replies with another thankyou. She feels like the gestures would never end as she bows at the director and everyone else in the crew.

As she reaches the gate, she opens it and steps out, but while closing it back, she instinctively turns around and spares another glance at Park Minjun. To her surprise, he's already looking at her and her stomach flips like a teenager. He's not smiling, but he's looking, and as their eyes meet, his lips stretch into the faintest of smiles.

It's just mere seconds but they feel longer, her movements feel slower. She catches a look in his eyes, something which she really shouldn't dwell on. Something that she thinks that it's all in her head, a fragment of imagination.

It keeps her thinking all along as she drives her way back to her apartment. It was just mere seconds and she can't even explain what she saw in Minjun's eyes when he was looking at her.

But she shoves the utter delusional thoughts aside. She's being fucking stupid thinking about such a thing. He's Park fucking Minjun for god's sake. She can't possibly think of him like that.

Because for one, he's out of her reach. Two, whatever she saw in Minjun's eyes, was not true and a misinterpreted play of her imagination. Three, she might be a delusional mentally ill twenty-one-year-old, but she has an unaltered respect for Minjun as an artist.

So no, she can't comprehend the possibility of– of what exactly? He was just looking at her.

No, she really shouldn't do this. She should be grateful that she got this opportunity, eat up the money she got from it, buy herself something pretty and call it an experience that she'll remember once she's old.

As she reaches her apartment once again, she rings her doorbell for she knows Irang is home. The door opens and Ryu is met by deafening screams from her Godforsaken roommate.

"Tell me what happened! Tell me every little detail of what happened! Was he there?! Was Park Minjun there."

Ryu fondles out of her boots and leg warmers at the entrance and sighs.

"Yes, he was there."

Irang screams shrilly, jumping up and down which could piss the people living downstairs off. "Oh my God, oh my God! I told you he would be there! You said no but I knew! Tell me everything."

Ryu drags herself towards the living room and drops herself on the couch. She takes the water bottle from the centre table and gulps the water down. Damn, she really sang her heart out.

Irang places herself beside Ryu and waits in anticipation. Ryu narrows her eyes towards her best friend and smirks. She lets the silence linger until she can't help herself.

"He's as gorgeous in real life, Irang."

Incoherent words mixed with screams fill the room and soon, Ryu is telling her everything. About the kind woman in orange hair and about how she opened her eyes to see Minjun– Park fucking Minjun looking at her like he was amazed by her vocals. Everything. Every little detail except for the look in the end.

It's one of those nights when Ryu doesn't need her fake scenarios to escape reality. When she can think about all the things that happened during the day and can't stop thinking about them. Can't stop thinking about how Park Minjun looks, how he smiles so prettily. How kind his voice was when talking. How she got out of it without embarrassing herself. She feels proud for once at herself and doesn't doubt her life decisions.

Doesn't even drink before sleeping.

Maybe her drinking will get better after all. She doesn't feel the urge to drink when she's feeling all these happy feelings. Some people drink to celebrate, and Ryu drinks to satisfy her genes. But maybe she doesn't need to. She doesn't feel the itch to do it right now.

For once, she's happy.

*

It isn't until morning that Ryu realises that she didn't have the mind to click one fucking picture with Minjun that she loses her mind, curses the shit out of herself and aggressively brushes her teeth.

"This bitch has the brain size of a fucking peanut." Irang rages from the kitchen. "You don't get these chances all your life you dumb twat, what the fuck were you thinking?!"

Ryu spits the toothpaste in the sink and opens the tap. "I was nervous, okay?! Can you please stop making me feel worse, I'm already regretting it."

"As you fucking should."

"I will cry myself to death if you don't shut up!"

After the high is ruined, Ryu is back to her normal life. Back to unbearable lectures, back to vaping (not drinking), and back to ignoring her non-human of an ex. Lately, she's been feeling like her ex has been trying to reach out to her again, his eyes light up as if he's going to approach her when they cross paths in the corridor. She catches him staring into the mess during lunch.

She hates every second of it.

She hates that man's guts and if she could, she'd rip them open like a pig's. So her goal becomes to avoid crossing paths with him.

During lectures, she zones out to Minjun's pretty face right in front of hers. Two mere feet away, smiling brighter than all the flames combined. She's so starstruck it makes her jittery all over.

Even though there are ways in her life to kill it.

She's also the hot topic of the campus right now, struck a deal with the superstar and all. It's common. They'll find someone else next week.

"How does he look? How tall actually is he? He must be really pretty. What was he wearing?"

They ask but Ryu doesn't tell. Only to keep them on their toes. It's fun. She remembers everything so vividly, deeper than the ink on her skin.

It isn't until two and a half days later that she gets a text from an unknown number. She's sitting on her bed, slurping on ramen and scrolling through her phone in order to procrastinate and stall studying till the end moment.

She frowns and opens it despite herself, only because the person has Park Minjun as their profile pic, she thinks it's some college student who's a fan of his and wants details or something like that. She's gonna ignore it anyways.

Unknown:

Hey, it's Minjun.

I think we weren't able to meet properly that day even though we should have. Would you like to go out with me for lunch sometime?

Ryu throws her phone across the fucking room.

Irang, who's lying on the other side of the bed beside her, jolts. "Have you completely lost it now?!" She shrieks, looking at Ryu with an aghast expression on her face. She gets out of bed and goes towards the phone.

Ryu gets on her knees and points at the phone. "I-its hacked! There's no way I read that correctly."

"Read what?"

"H-He–"

Irang picks up the phone and checks it for any cracks. "Great, now you cracked your screen you impulsive bitch."

God, Ryu does not care about that.

"Look at the fucking text!" She yells at her roommate.

"Which text? What happened?" Irang questions and unlocks the phone again. She stands there, in the corner of the room, frozen on her spot as she reads through the message Ryu has been sent with. Then Irang looks up.

"Park Minjun is asking you out on a date?!"

Ryu frowns, heart, skipping a beat. She didn't think of that.

"No." She says sharply. "There's no way he's doing that, Irang. I think it's just a kind gesture because I worked for him."

"Ryu, which artist you previously worked with has offered to take you out on lunch?!"

Ryu closes her mouth.

"He clearly said that! 'Would you like to go out with me' he said that!"

Ryu thinks for a moment. Thinks about that eye contact they had made the other day, a stupid eye contact. She gathers herself up before slipping too much into her delusions again.

"No, Irang. What are the odds of Park Minjun asking me out? Are you insane? Let's not predict something like that and embarrass ourselves, okay?"

Irang purses her lips into a thin line.

"It's not unlikely for our university students to date celebrities, you know?" She casually throws in. "Besides, you've got the looks and talent for it."

Fuck– Ryu knows. She knows she's got the looks to lure anyone in and all but this is not some instrumental club best boy. This is Park Minjun they're talking about, the highest charted soloist in Korea.

"Irang, he's the celebrity of celebrities. Do not fuck with me on this one. He's a good man and he's doing this out of kindness. End of discussion."

"Well then reply to him, you saw the text ten minutes ago."

"Oh shit, shit shit." Ryu panics. "Give it to me."

Irang passes her the phone and climbs on the bed as well.

"What do I say?!" She whines.

"Agree to him, you idiot!"

"But how?" She asks. "Hello, sir. Thank you for inviting me. It would be an honour. When should we meet?"

"Ryu, you're not writing a mail to your boss."

"Well, technically I am."

"For god's sake–" Irang groans and tries to snatch the phone away from Ryu. "Give it to me. You don't know how to text!"

"I'll text Park Minjun!"

Her roommate lets out a frustrated growl and falls back on the bed. Ryu bites her lip and types a reply that's not too formal but not too informal either.

Ryu:

Hello, sir.

I would love to meet up!

Ryu knows this isn't her best of replies. She's had better days, this almost sounds incomplete. She bites her lip and puts the phone down, not expecting a reply very soon. He's a busy man after all.

"Ryu," Irang says. "What the fuck is happening in your life? Did the stars align or some shit?"

"I don't know."

"You're gonna meet Park Minjun for lunch." She mumbles, not being able to believe her own words. "And this time you're taking a pic."

Yes. Yes, she is.

It's not even five minutes before the notification sound chimes through the room. Ryu jumps and grabs her phone only to see a text message from the same number on her lock screen.

She unlocks her broken phone and looks at the text message.

Unknown:

Great!

Tell me whenever you're free.

This isn't an imposter, right? This possibly can't be someone playing a sick joke on her, right? What if it's a serial killer stalker who's keeping tabs on Ryu's life and plotting a–

Ryu:

Oh, we can go according to your time.

She quickly saves the celebrity's number.

Park Minjun??:

No, please. I'll never be able to be free from work so just tell me whenever it suits you best and I'll clear my schedule accordingly.

The girl nibbles on her bottom lip, staring at his text.

Ryu:

How's Friday?

Park Minjun??:

Sounds good to me.

Friday noon.

I'll have my driver pick you up. Is that fine?

Ryu:

You don't have to bother.

I can come by myself.

Park Minjun??:

What kind of a person would I be then?

I'm already sorry I can't come by myself to pick you up so it's the least I can do.

Just text me the address.

Ryu's heart threatens to beat out of her goddamn chest. What is this man so good for? She feels like she just won a lottery.

Ryu:

Eden high-rise, Itaewon-dong.

Can I ask you something?

Park Minjun??:

Of course

Ryu:

Where did you get my number from?

Park Minjun??:

I'm so sorry I didn't explain it earlier

I got it from work, your number was registered there.

Ryu:

Oh, that makes sense.

Park Minjun??:

I'll see you on Friday then? :)

Ryu:

Yes! See you soon:))

Ryu closes her eyes shut, tries to breathe deeply at how flustered she is. Oh God, Park Minjun is the best man out there. She wants to squeal like a teenager but suppresses that urge. God must have his favouritism for whoever will get to be with this man forever. God must have created that person very carefully. Ryu feels like she's one of the defective pieces sent on this stupid planet only to increase the fucking population with an average toxic family and average money.

That's why for Ryu, a simple meal with Park Minjun will mean a lot. A meal she'll cherish forever.

"I'm going out with Park fucking Minjun."