Chapter 5

Park Minjun is a dream to many.

Ryu never considered herself any different.

When she wakes up the next morning, she feels the way she felt when she had her first kiss. She slept lightly the previous night, a place between sleep and awake. Where she was kind of aware that she was sleeping because her mind was too active with what had taken place just hours ago. It was running frantically with flashes of caramel eyes fluttering shut before the soft press...

As she wakes up from her slumber, Minjun is the first thing on her mind and her body is already jittery. She feels her heart bubble up when she realizes it's all real and not just a fragment of her imagination, for every night before sleeping she wishes that when she wakes up this all doesn't wither away because it was all just a dream.

Pumped full of dopamine, she makes her way to the bathroom, brushing her teeth before taking off her clothes and stepping into the shower. She usually gets up early for University so she can get ready in patience- she's a morning person. As the warm water grazes her skin, running down smoothly, she admires her body in the mirror in front of her.

She loves her body. And it's really not about the shape, it's just something she cherished dearly about herself. She thinks she would still love her body if the shape was to change. It's art. Currently, it's dainty. The golden skin is smooth rather than toned since she hasn't been to the gym in a while because of how busy she's been with her University.

She runs a hand down her chest, to her stomach, breathing in deeply due to the water running above her head. She admires the curves of her body, they're not ideal, but she could give two fucks about beauty standards. Her heart swells with pride at how confident she is with her body. How her hip dips don't glare at her to change, how her breasts don't demand a boob job. She's been skinny her whole life, doesn't mean she doesn't have insecurities.

There was a constant complaint from people around her that she was too skinny because she didn't eat enough and it slowly rooted itself into Ryu's subconscious. But for the longest time she can remember, even when she was a toddler, she didn't have an appetite as much as kids her age did. So her childhood was a constant comparison of how much her friends ate and how less she did. Her parents used to take her to the doctor and complaint about how she didn't eat much only for the doctor to prescribe some syrup that was supposed to make her hungry. It never worked.

Because it didn't work like that. Every child is differently built and Ryu was absolutely healthy so why was there a constant rattle about how much she ate?

Things like these don't sting but submerge into a routine until you find yourself doing maladaptive things in the name of rebellion and so on.

'Why do you eat so slowly?'

'Why do you eat so less?'

'You're so skinny because you eat so less.'

Ryu loves her body so much that she wouldn't trade it for the world. And she's healthy. Fuck, she's healthy. She was a fucking athlete in her school days. Still works out on a daily basis.

Loves the way it keeps her alive. Loves how it makes her feel confident in her own skin.

She's always been the one to encourage people about self-love, no matter in what form. Being comfortable in your own skin, being who you are. Exploring sex. Treating all genders equally. Being all for the queers. Fighting against racism, homophobia, sexism, misogynistic assholes, and females' right to abortion. She loves herself for all of this.

She's made herself this way so that the next person doesn't go through what she did, even if she can just be a single drop of water in a raging wildfire, she'll be it.

Ryu thinks–

She thinks today's the day to love her body.

Slowly, the girl reaches her hand down to her folds, lashes fluttering shut as a stuttered breath escapes her throat because of the water running down her face. Her index finger goes to rub her clit, biting her lip at the pleasure that immediately shoots through her. She gasps softly, making her pace faster until she feels herself getting wet.

She slides her middle finger in her crevice, letting out a soft sigh as her head falls back. Moving the finger in and out to stretch herself, she leans back on the glass stall, hooking her one leg onto the shower handle to angle better. She adds another finger into herself, curling her fingers on the spot that makes her legs tremble. A soft whimper escapes her mouth as she hits the spot again and again, spreading her fingers apart because fuck– she loves the way it burns. A frustrated hiss escapes her when she feels like this isn't enough. She needs something thicker, something that can fuck her faster. She'd use a dildo but God, she'll be late for college.

Minjun's dick would work better.

Ryu's eyes snap open at the sudden thought that crosses her mind, mind running frantically but there's already so much arousal curling around her chest from that one single thought. She gulps. She shouldn't do this. She really shouldn't do this– it's wrong. She's wanting something that's out of her reach and she's wanting it too hurriedly. Too desperately.

Oh, but how his lips moved around hers–

There's no going back.

His wet mouth, the hazel orbs, the shape of Minjun's lips...so thick that she just wanted to–

Ryu moans breathlessly, thrusting her fingers into the bundle of nerves that shoots tremors through her body.

The way he whimpered in her mouth when she smashed their lips together again. The heat of his taut body, pressed close to her, the way his hand trailed from her cheek to her waist, tugging her towards him.

The pace of Ryu's fingers becomes faster with every ghost of a feeling that crosses her mind, panting against the steamed shower stall, slick dripping down her thighs. She gulps.

The way Minjun looked with his skin flushed when she got inside the car, hair a fucking mess, just the way she'd like to– she'd like to mess them up when–

Another loud moan escapes the girl's throat, echoing in the bathroom despite the running shower.

Minjun's bare torso, honey skin toned, inked with tattoos...

The knot in the pit of her stomach grows the more she chases her high, soft walls clenching around her fingers as she repeatedly hits the bundle of nerves deep within her, shooting pleasure up her spine. Whines escape her mouth without control, body trembling with want.

It isn't long before she reaches her climax, mouth just shy of taking Minjun's name out loud as the feeling of his body from last night lingers like an expensive perfume around her. She grips the wall on the side to stabilize herself, breathing heavily as jitters crawl up her skin softly in the form of after-shock of the orgasm.

She opens her eyes slowly, taking in the surroundings as the fragment of Minjun withers away from her senses, leaving bits and pieces of him that she had imagined, those she desperately clings onto. She gulps the knot in her throat, trying to calm her breathing down.

It's been a while since she's masturbated thinking about a man. It's been a while since someone's had such a huge impact on her life, almost turning it upside down. They've met less than five times. They don't even talk on texts. But whenever they meet there's always this undeniable current between them...but that's the thing Ryu doesn't understand. Whether the current is between them or just within her because she feels too much.

She's not used to feeling too much.

Sighing, she washes herself in the shower before stepping out of the bathroom and getting to get ready for her classes today.

The chatters about her having a role in Park Minjun's song have subsided now, so she can sit at the back of her class and attend her lectures in silence. She wasn't always good in studies, and she still doesn't consider herself good in studies, but a girl in her eighth standard who was a topper student told her that it helps a lot when you focus on class and not pile shit up to understand on your own, so she tries to do that.

That girl from middle school is now studying aerospace engineering in Australia, so there might be some sense in her words. She doesn't know.

The girl also said something between the lines of 'The entire earth can spin around in twenty-four hours, Ryu, so why can't we learn this bunch of crap?'

And it sounds fucked up for all Ryu knows. We can't compare, we can't entwine these two things together, it invalidates our hardships. But it motivates her nonetheless so she sticks to it.

As she sits in the last row of her class, pumped full of caffeine because she did not sleep like a normal functioning human being is supposed to, her mind wanders back to Minjun like it always does. It's a constant now, she's even grown used to it. She feels good that she has this clandestine little thing going on that no one knows about, it makes her feel so superior it's not even healthy. But it makes her college life dramatic in her head so she lets it be that way.

It is not until three days later that she doesn't receive a single text from Minjun that has her anxiety slowly crawling up her mind. She knows he's busy, she does. But they kissed and then there was no sign of him, making her question what this really means. What exactly is Minjun trying to do, she doesn't understand.

He can do whatever he wants to me.

Yes. And it's terrifying how much truth these thoughts hold. She would literally let him do whatever he wants, just so she can stay with him.

Was it all even that deep? Did it all even mean anything to Minjun? She really doesn't know him, how people with that lifestyle think. He's been nothing but kind to her but still, this all might be normal for him when it's not for her. I mean- what kind of a guy just disappears after having the first kiss? But they barely text, though. Minjun might be so busy that he might not even see his texts.

She could text him first, of course, it is the twenty-first century. But she gets nervous every time she ponders over the idea. What if she's a burden? What if she's just being clingy and neurotic?

So she decides to dye her hair instead.

She drags a very reluctant Irang to the hair salon on a Wednesday evening and dyes several streaks of her hair a shade of blue.

The next day though, she can't resist it anymore. Minjun latches onto every particle of her being and her hands itch to reach out and just...just text him. Ask him where he is. If something happened. If there's something she did wrong.

She shouldn't have hurried on the kiss so much.

Ryu battles between her dignity and texting Minjun while sitting at her study desk, foot on the table, peeling the skin of her lips in nervousness before she settles with 'it's not that deep' and tries to type something down. She doesn't even know what to say, settling with a, 'Hey, just checking up on you. Are you busy?'

Her fingers hover above the send button, just shy of tapping it. What if he doesn't want to keep in contact with her anymore?

As if on instinct, her eyes tick to the vape left idle on the mahogany table for days, unused. She hisses at the urge that takes over her to just grab that shit because sending Minjun a text is hard but with vape, it would be easier. Just like it would be easier to kill herself when she's knocked off from drugs. Because Ryu is a fucking coward.

She curses under her breath and grabs the vape, tucking the opening between her lips and relishing the sweet flavor that fills her mouth in the form of nothing. She lets the smoke travel down her lungs before releasing it in a puff.

Ryu hits the damn send button.

She throws the phone on the table and groans, letting her head thud on the window behind her.

Ryu is a fucking coward and she runs away from her feelings when she realises firsthand that she's catching them. She's always been like that. Running away from her problems, from her own fucking emotions. It was only a few years ago that she had found good company, where she could heal properly, validate her feelings, and deal with them constructively.

This time she can't even fucking run.

Who would run away from Park Minjun? Even if he's making you question your entire behaviour, making you rethink each and every word you spoke to him just to know where you went wrong. Just because he didn't text.

She wants to stay.

Every time her phone lights up with a notification, Ryu jolts forward to look who texted, but it's never him. She waits until night but there's no reply from Minjun and now she just feels pathetic, humiliated, and used. So much so that she's blinking back tears. It's not until the clock strikes twelve and she still finds herself sitting on her study table, embarrassment burning deep between her ribs that a tear slips down the corner of her eye.

She's not mad at Minjun.

She could never be mad, she's grateful for whatever time they've spent together. People don't even get that much, she shouldn't be greedy. It's just that...she knew this day would come sooner or later that Minjun wouldn't talk to her anymore- didn't know it would leave so many questions. It makes her think that she's problematic- fuck- she is.

She's embarrassing. He must be embarrassed by her.

No.

No, she's perfect.

She's not problematic or embarrassing. She's not too much to handle. She's perfect, she has a good personality. She's a bad bitch for all she remembers of herself so where are these wretched thoughts coming from?

She's imaginative, creative, talented, good looking.

Then why didn't he reply-?

"Fuck!" She yells, taking a drag of her vape as she aggressively opens the drawer under her table, she takes out her wireless earphones, tugging them in her ears as she recklessly tries to find a song loud enough to bury these voices deep in her unconscious. Voices that she gutted out long ago, slowly making their way to her mind again.

A long drag of that godforsaken flavoured air and Ryu is gone for the night. Ignoring reality once again, drinking down every word of the song's lyrics until that becomes her world rather than this bitchy one. Dawn splits through the sheer gap between her curtains in a haze of smoke and a sickly sweet flavour of peach.

But she still needs to go to college so she musters all her efforts to get up from that chair, and open the fucking windows before she suffocates, eyes red-rimmed and raw, ears feeling like someone stabbed them because of the loudness of her songs.

She stops the music, throws the vape back on the table, and goes to the bathroom to get ready. Once she's gotten ready for going to that hell hole, she puts the earphones back in, and takes a drag of that vape once again, puffing the smoke out in incoherent patterns before tugging it in her pocket and heading out for college.

*

It's not until two days later that she gets a call from the old lady that sits at the reception downstairs of her apartment. Her son owns this building, she says it's an enjoyable pass time to sit at the reception with her Shih Tzu puppy.

"Some handsome kid is here to meet you." The old lady, Mrs. Park Sang-nim says through the intercom.

Ryu's heart skips a beat and she already knows who it is, already standing up from her bed.

"Mrs Park, can you ask his name?"

"No, he's not telling me his name. That's why I won't send him up."

Ah, yes he probably can't tell.

"Aigoo, why won't you let me pinch your cheeks? I'm your grandmother's age. You look just like my puppy here."

"Mrs. Park!" Ryu panics at the voice from the call. What the hell is she doing to Minjun? "Please put him on the call for me?" Ryu requests because the lady seems annoyed already.

"Okay. Okay." She huffs. "Take it." She snaps at Minjun.

Oh god, she's too old to know who he is. This is bad, this is embarrassing.

There's shifting on the other line as the girl holds her breath in anticipation.

"Hey, Ryu."

Ryu's chest tightens at the sound of his voice, for this heavy feeling has been settling itself in her voice, filled to the brim as she refused to cry and let go of whatever preserved dignity she had left, but now it feels like all the emotions are going to overflow.

"Hey." She murmurs, voice strained.

"I'm downstairs...Should I come up? This ma'am at the reception isn't letting me, though."

Oh no.

Oh no, there's no way in hell that she's calling Minjun to her mess of an apartment that's as big as the size of his kitchen. No, she can't do this right now.

"Wait there, I-I'm coming." She murmurs, gulping.

"Okay."

The intercom hangs up and she quickly puts on a pair of jeans, fixing her hair as quickly as she can before running out of the apartment. Good thing Irang isn't here, she's gone to some friend's house to study because that girl has been at her throat lately. Ryu can't even blame her this time, she's self-sabotaging again and the year hasn't even properly begun.

But that was- is the last thing on her mind right now. As she gets out of the elevator, she makes a run for the front lobby. When she spots him standing beside the reception, Ryu slows down her steps as her heart nothing but wrenches at the sight. There it goes again, the flip of her stomach, the jitters of her nerves, the threatening of her heart to jump out. Stupid fucking brain completely forgetting the fact that he's been ghosting her straight for the past week.

When she nears him, standing a couple of steps apart, she notices that he's wearing denim today and a black sweatshirt that makes him look adorably small. She should stop noticing these things, really. The way his bangs fall, covering the entirety of his forehead. It makes his eyes look bigger...

"We need to talk, yeah?" Minjun's gentle voice feels like a breeze past her ear.

Despite her sensitivity towards this whole situation, she nods. Yes, they need to talk. She has questions she needs answers to, questions she wouldn't have the courage to ask out loud.

"We can go to the lounge area." She offers. "It might be empty at this hour."

Minjun waves a hand in denial. "I can't risk too much attention on me here. I already took off my mask because she told me to."

The man points at Mrs Sang-nim, who's right now busy crouching behind the counter to put dog food in her puppy's bowl, cooing and muttering words of affection to the animal.

"Sorry for her behaviour." Ryu finds herself apologizing when it's not even her place to. Perhaps she just needs to let it out.

Minjun shakes his head, giving something akin to a smile which just makes the ugly feeling in Ryu grow further, for it's not real. It's not the kind of smile in which his whole face lights up and eyes squint into crescents.

"It's fine. Let's just go to my car. Then we'll see."

Dumbly, Ryu nods. Minjun's eyes slowly trail up and down her form, which makes more questions flood her mind. It's not sexual the way he takes her in, it's more on the observant side like he's trying to figure something out through her body language.

He turns around and starts walking towards the lift, Ryu following shortly after.

Once they are inside the familiar car, the deafening silence that hangs between them is so awkward, it has the girl's skin prickling and hands sweating. Minjun just stares at her, and a thousand thoughts rush into her mind. Should she say something? Should she ask him where he's been the whole week? Leaving her confused and ignoring her text. She decides to stay silent instead and chooses to drown in her growing anxiousness rather than throw her dignity out of this car's window.

Then Minjun lets out a shaky exhale and finally speaks.

"I haven't heard from you...in the whole week. So I came here."

Ryu frowns. Heard from her? What does he mean by that?

"I texted you," Ryu says, tilting her head to the side. "You didn't reply."

"Huh?" Minjun breathes out, supposedly confused as well.

"I did. Didn't it reach you?"

"No, I-" Minjun starts, licking his lips which makes Ryu's own lips tingle with memories. "Which number did you text me on?"

"The one I have...the one we've been texting on."

At that, Minjun's confused eyes soften and he falls back on the seat, huffing out a humourless laugh. "Oh, Ryu..." He breathes out, smacking his forehead with his palm. "I was busting my head over something so stupid this entire week."

"Why, what's wrong?"

He looks back at her and now there's no sense of sadness in his eyes anymore.

"I changed my number and texted you with it. You didn't see it, I guess."

The furrow in Ryu's eyebrows grows deeper and she quickly fishes out her phone from her pocket, unlocks it, and goes to the messages. She scrolls down through the messages and looks at the unknown number she had blatantly ignored in her grief of Minjun not replying to her. It has no profile pic or anything, so she had thought this was a scam like always, some creep trying to ask for her nudes or whatever because she had gotten these a lot a little while ago. All because of her asshole of an ex who had registered her phone number in a sex call centre, so she could get video calls from men at six in the morning, scaring the shit out of her from the pleasures they asked from her, leaving her paranoid to the core.

She doesn't pick up anyone's calls no more. She barely has people in her life and all their contacts are saved, unknown numbers don't need to be picked up. For work-related things, Mrs Song manages it for her. She'll get a manager once she gets active in this industry. Perhaps after this year ends.

The last time she only checked Minjun's number because he had his profile on. She didn't think it was him, though. She thought it was someone from her college that was a fan of his.

But there's a clear text from Minjun here.

Unknown:

Ryu, it's Minjun. I've changed my number. Okay?

She looks up at the man, not knowing what to say but he speaks first.

"A fan somehow got my number and called me. They were being creepy on the call so I had to change it. Just so you know...I have to do it a lot. Change my number."

"Oh..." She lets out. "I'm sorry. I don't usually check unknown numbers...yours didn't have a profile either so I thought it was a scam..."

Her cheeks heat up in embarrassment. This is all her evil ex's fault. Even after being dumped, that bastard continues to breathe down her throat.

"I'll check from now." She adds.

Fuck, she had thought about all the possibilities in the world for why Minjun had cut her off. Blamed herself so unnecessarily. Thought she was a burden to him, that she was being problematic and no one could handle her, let alone Park Minjun so he cut her off for his own good and whatnot.

A chuckle finally spills past Minjun's lips and she feels her heart getting lighter.

"It's fine. We're both stupid." He smiles warmly, eyes disappearing before his cheeks dust a pretty shade of pink. "I was getting anxious the whole week for no reason."

Minjun was getting anxious too.

Her body feels very warm at the thought. Because she'd like to think that this means as much to him as it does to her. That he too, is scared to break things apart just like that. That it hurts him to be ghosted for a week.

"You know...I-I thought that-" Minjun stammers. She's never seen Minjun fumble with his words before. "I thought that you didn't like the kiss."

The statement throws Ryu so off guard that it's hard to describe.

"What...?"

Minjun looks away, eyes shifting from side to side in hesitation, if anything, his entire face is positively red.

"I just– kept thinking about it. That maybe I was too hasty. I mean– you were so good at it and I was just frozen on the spot. I thought I came off as uninterested or weird...I don't know. It kept bothering me–"

Ryu doesn't know where she finds these bursts of courage from. She's a different person in front of Minjun, a persona made out of nervousness. But there are moments like these that don't settle right with her and a knot grows around her throat which forces her to take a step and do something about Minjun's agony, doesn't matter big or small.

She doesn't like hearing the words that come out of Minjun's mouth, he's insecure when he shouldn't be. His lips are a blessing from Aphrodite and anyone who gets to have those is god's favourite child so she doesn't like it when Minjun talks as if the kiss wasn't good for her. It was perfect. It was the best kiss she's ever had, solely because it was with him.

So she shuts him up by pulling him by his shirt and smashing their lips together, a surge of raging emotions stirring up her chest as she feels the soft flesh again, cupping his jaw tenderly in her hand. Minjun freezes entirely, caught off guard by her sudden action. But she needs to show him how much this all matters to her–

Fuck, she got a nosebleed because of that kiss and here this man is thinking that she didn't like it.

Ryu sighs when Minjun finally eases and parts his mouth open for their mouths to lock. She doesn't move, but deepens the kiss nonetheless, just to have those small tingles back on her lips again. After a moment, she detaches them only to lock their gazes together. Minjun's eyes are blown wide in shock, pupils dilated and glistening. Small puffs of breath escape his mouth, right against hers.

"Did this clear your doubt?" She asks.

For a while Minjun doesn't seem to register her words, just staring at her through does large eyes of his but when it clicks him, he shakes his head and cups her cheek in his hand to guide her closer.

"No, I'll need you to elaborate."

And then he's kissing her. Fuck, he's kissing her thoroughly, plump lips parting her mouth open and moving with intention. She can't help but smile at his words, tilting her head to the side and learning the shape of his lips with her own. Savors every moment, and feels as if she could engrave it on her skin forever if she could.

He parts them once they're out of breath, eyes flicking up to meet hers. The hand that's been on her cheek, thumb softly caressing her cheekbone, slides up to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"I like your new hair."

Ryu's heart flutters so wildly it's not even funny anymore.

"Thanks."

He leans back on the seat, and the girl has to do the same. She realises how uncomfortable the position they were in moments ago, with the gap between their seats. Minjun clears his throat.

"Let's grab some coffee." He offers, and his cheeks are dusted with so much pink that it reaches under his eyes and over his nose too. It's adorable.

The café Minjun halts on is a little secluded, away from prying eyes, but they go to sit on the farthest booth nonetheless. She contemplates whether she should tell Minjun that's okay if he wears his mask again, but then she feels like it's not her place to and decides to stay silent.

They order Iced coffees and settle back on their seats by the window. She can't help but think about it- he said she was good at kissing. So he liked the way she kissed him? Oh, God.

"Ryu."

She's still not used to hearing her name roll off that tongue. The tongue that she had in her mouth a few moments ago. Fuck she wants his mouth on hers again, and Ryu's not even that big on kissing. It's just Minjun's lips that...

"Ryu, are you listening?"

The girl flinches and looks up at the man, her train of thought cut short.

"Yes. Of course."

Minjun observes her for a second before sighing, resting his arms on the table so he can lean forward. Just when he's about to start speaking again, the waiter comes with their orders, places them on the table and she notices Minjun's brow twitch in annoyance at the disruption. She thanks the waiter before he leaves them alone again. She turns her attention back to the man sitting in front of her, doesn't dare touch the cup of coffee.

"I need to tell you something now that we're..." he trails off before licking his lips, looking down at the table and nodding to himself. "Okay." He mutters to himself, as if he's preparing a speech in his mind.

"I'm listening," she urges, her own nervousness brewing up lightly.

What is it that Minjun wants to tell her that's getting him like this? Wait- He doesn't possibly have a child, right? A kid he's hiding from the entire world. Oh no, no she hates kids. And this is something he should've told her on the first date.

"Part of why I got so worried that you might not have liked the kiss comes from my inexperience in this kind of stuff. And I know you're experienced- I just- I could feel it so, please lead me through it, okay? This is already embarrassing as it is, but I'll learn along the way."

It takes several moments to decode what Minjun means because of how vague his words are. Like a fucking song, hinting around the situation but never directly saying it. But when it finally dawns on her what Minjun means, her heart skips a beat, and heat floods across her cheeks.

"You've never..." She doesn't finish the sentence and doesn't know how to. Talking about these kinds of things has never been a big deal to her, but it does when it's with Minjun. So she stays cautious with her words and considers his comfort first.

"I've done stuff." He admits. "Just never-"

"You've never had- sex, that's it?" She completes his sentence for him because he looks like he'll go blue.

Minjun presses his mouth shut and nods.

It's not like it isn't hard for her to sink that fact in, because how can Park Minjun- the Park Minjun, be a virgin? With a face like that? He has girls and boys ready to get his cock everywhere. Also, isn't he like twenty-six? She's entitled to feel surprised, she guesses. But somehow this information about Minjun doesn't bother her at all, perhaps because she still has to sink in the fact that they are actually having this conversation. She can't help but wonder- was he planning on saving it for someone special? If so then why are they having this discussion right now? They've been dating for only a few weeks so-

"It's not like I'm not ready or something." Minjun elaborates. "It's just that- on my way to my career success I've suppressed a lot of my desires and this happens to be one of them. I don't even know how else to tell you this."

"Minjun." She calls his name and tries to be as earnest as possible so that he can relax. She gets that all of this makes him anxious, it's very endearing honestly, but there's seriously nothing to be insecure about. Not everything is centred around sex. For the first time for Ryu, it doesn't matter. Nothing changes the fact that he's still Park Minjun and she still likes him. And the last thing she wants is for him to feel pressured.

So she reaches out a hand across the table to place it on top of his. "It's fine. We can take this according to your pace. However you feel comfortable, yeah?"

Minjun's eyes flicker back and forth from their hands to her face before they finally rest on her, a small smile creeping its way on his lips again. "Yeah."

Ryu nods and she doesn't know what's the need to say this next, but the thing is, sex for Ryu is normal, happens every week. It's a way to relieve her stress. She could do it right now, she could have done it the first time they met, to be honest. She just didn't have enough guts to make a move or catch a hint. But that's how much she likes Minjun, she'd do it without questioning twice and still consider it her best solely because it's happening with Minjun. There's been a time when she just fucked the first person she found attractive in a club.

"You said I lead you through it, right?"

Minjun nods, sipping on his coffee.

"That'll help a lot."

"Then can I..." Ryu stirs the straw around in her glass of coffee before looking up at him. Minjun seems to still at her gaze. She doesn't want to press further in this conversation if he's feeling uncomfortable, but then again, if they're doing this then they're supposed to talk about it freely and openly, right? That's what this is all about. "Can I trust you to be open with me? Take your time, but you'll tell me what you want exactly how you want it, when you want it. No vague wordings. You'll tell me to stop when it's too much."

Minjun raises his eyebrow in amusement and for a moment she thinks that she spoke too much. She feels like she's walking on thin ice, dreading to cross an invisible line that would break this whole thing up. But then the man sitting across from her lifts a side of his lips into a mischievous and hot-looking smirk which has Ryu's gut stirring pleasantly.

"I like it when you're bold, Ryu." Minjun says in the end, voice sultry and deeper. He leans on the table and fixes his gaze on hers. "It turns me on."

Oh shit.

Shit– what?

Her eyes widen as she panics internally. What did he just say? She does what? Oh for fuck's sake, she's not a thirteen-year-old to be fazed by such words but– but did Park Minjun just say that she turns him on? Just like that?

"You said no vague wordings and now you're fumbling that I'm direct." He teases.

Because I never thought I would hear these words from you.

She's trying to act like a functioning human being and failing at it because of this guy.

"I just– need to get used to it."

"I thought you were used to it."

"No– not that. I need to get used to you."

"Because I am a celebrity?"

She's a little shocked by Minjun's question. But it's valid that he asks that, with how she acts, it might have been visible to Minjun that she's still not used to being around him. It's embarrassing but...she can't help it. She's trying really hard.

But deep down she knows this isn't limited to him being a celebrity. This is far more intense than that, she's met celebrities before. This is...scary and personal and the fear of heartbreak lurks in the corners.

"No." She states, voice calm. She doesn't know where she's pushing herself into. "Because I like you."