CHAPTER THREE: Gaslighting

CHAPTER 3: 

It all clicks. 

The late night calls, the flirtings, the unusual caring with Lillian - their chuckles in bed, my parents' coldness, Elmyra's sneers. My mind replays these scenes over and over again, like a broken record.

I sit on the edge of the bed of the apartment I rented since last night, the weight of the world keeps pressing down on my shoulders.

Just as I’m sinking deeper into the darkness of my thoughts, my phone shatters the silence. I jolt as I wipe away my tears. My hand trembles slightly as I glance at the screen. Then, my jaw clenches in anger when I see the caller ID—Lillian.

“Really? You still have the guts to call me?” I hiss.

-["Listen, Hazel, it's evident where his heart lies, and frankly, your dramatics won't change that. Just gracefully accept the truth and move on, like any sensible person would."]-

Lilian says in her sweet voice, without a hint of remorse or shame.

-[“We need to talk, Express Cafe, now.”]-

My grip on the phone tightens, my nails digging into my palm as I fight to keep my composure. I force my anger down, steeling myself for whatever lies Lillian is about to spin.

"Fool me once" I say courageously, “If you think…”

-[“Don't you want to know why and when your husband cheated on you?”]-

She's been my best friend long enough to know what will pinch me. She hangs up, the silence that follows echoing in the small apartment like a deafening roar. 

Express Cafe is just a few minutes' drive away. I slip into a corner booth and wait, quickly smooth concealer around my swollen eyes,  as I watch the door with bated breath.

Lilian comes in blushing like a woman in love, and ironically, her love has turned out to be mine.

An awkward silence ensues and we stare at our respective coffee cups for a while. 

“Why, Lillian?” I finally ask. 

"Hazel, you need to face the truth. Carter loves me, not you. He's only with you because he wants an heir, a baby. Once he gets what he wants from you, he'll leave you for me."

"Is that so?" I ask, my voice trembling slightly despite my best efforts to maintain my composure. 

A very faint smile plays at the corners of Lilian’s lips that she tries so hard to hide by tilting her head down as she reaches into her bag and produces her phone. With a few taps of her finger, she turns the screen towards me, revealing a string of text messages between her and Carter.

"He's been seeing me behind your back, Hazel," Lilian says, her voice holding a tinged of a smug satisfaction. "He's been telling me everything. How he can't stand being with you, how he's only staying with you for appearance’s sake. He's using you, and you're too blind to see it."

My breath dries in my throat as I read the messages.

The Carter in the text messages is nothing like the husband I knew. I can tell by his texts that he is happy, which makes my heart ache even more.

“But what does that have to do with why you betrayed me? You were my best friend,” I say, trying not to show how much these messages hurt me.

“At first we were friends, but then I realized I could never really respect you. The way you let people walk all over you...I’m sorry but it’s just pathetic. And then I stayed close to you so I could be near Carter,” she replies. 

“He never loved you, I’m always his true love. He met me first. ” she continues.

I swallow a lump in my throat and quietly take a deep breath. 

“How long has this been going on?” I ask. 

“Pretty much since the beginning. A few months into your marriage, maybe,” she says without remorse. 

My head is reeling with the idea that Carter has been cheating on me for so long. I’m shocked that Lillian has such a mean streak. She’s never my friend to begin with. 

How could I have let these kinds of people into my life, into my heart?

Just then I hear the door jingle, prompting me to look up. To my shock, Carter appears.

“You called Carter?” I ask Lillian in a horrified tone. 

“You two really need to talk. You need to think about your life choices, accept the reality and it's good for all of us.” she replies snidely. 

She gets up to leave and Carter takes her place in the opposite chair. 

"Come home with me. We had a good time, didn't we? We can still live the life we had before. It’s not like you don’t enjoy the things we do together,” he says.

He tries to run his hand up my arm but I slap him away. 

“Don’t touch me. I only enjoyed them when I thought I was the only one you were doing it with!” I whisper between my gritted teeth. 

"I'm the only one who can stand you in bed, you know how boring you used to be in bed? I made you moan over and over. You know you still want me..."

He stares at me with those cold eyes. The eyes I once loved. He’s finally stopped pretending. 

It’s all been an act. I see that now. Carter changes his personality to suit his needs. He manipulates people to get what he wants. He manipulated me before and he’s trying to do it again!

 I say nothing, trying to keep my anger in check.

“I don’t know why you are fighting this so hard. Most women would die to be in your place. They’d be very happy to get even the tiniest scrap from me,” 

He pauses, waiting for my reply. But I keep my silence.

“You agreed to my terms. I have your signature on the prenuptial agreement to prove it. So get over yourself and fulfill your duty to me. Then you can go on about your sad little life, while I rise to the top and make my family proud,” he boasts. 

“Did you ever love me?” I ask. 

"Love is too strong of a word.”  He laughs out loud as if he has heard something ridiculous. “You have good breeding, your parents assured me like you would be an obedient wife, and all along you've done well. Why don't you keep it up? Come home now, before I run out of patience."  

He’s never loved me. His tone reminds me of the new racehorse he bought last month. A new, premium racehorse, presentable, brings him victories and can be bred to produce foals again. He never sees me as a wife, or even as a person.

“Not a chance in hell,” I say proudly. 

“Remember your prenup? If you don't bear me children, you will be ruined. Your family will be in debt for the rest of their lives. Don't you dare try to leave me.” His pupils dilate like that of a wild animal's, and he chokes me with his hand.

I can barely breathe, I can feel he’s serious about hurting me, this man I had loved is literally taking my breath away.

“I’m leaving you, one way or another…." With what strength I have left I try to remove his hand and finish the sentence with the last of my breath.

My peripheral vision sees that people are already whispering and looking over at us, and some even take out their phones and start taking pictures of us.

”How are you…” He growls, low and dangerous. 

He notices the look in the crowd's eyes, and I'm betting he won’t dare make a scandal like domestic abuse in public if he wants to remain reputable. He stares at me with anger in his eyes.

He then lets go and I can finally breathe heavily. I cough, calling his bluff. He finally breaks the stare and leaves in a huff. 

The look on his face is absolutely worth it. I may have to pay the consequences later. But for now, I feel free for the first time in my life. 

I will leave Carter, no matter the cost.