Kyle
"Yo, where's my best Left Winger!" Jared calls me in the school hallway and approaches. The whole place is buzzing with laughter, students, and teachers. It's the first day, so everyone's still feeling summery. Yet, posters and notes are already covering the walls. Our latest trophy's in the case on the wall opposite me. Among the pool of heads and the tide of students moving around, we're easily noticed. We stand out because we're The Wolves. I mean, that's what I'm expected to think.
Might be 'cause we're towering over everyone else and we're double the size of most guys our age, I don't know.
There's not a single person who doesn't know Jared around here, and I don't mean just at school. The best Captain the hockey team's had in years, it's obvious we won the tournament last year thanks to him. I can't believe this is his last year in high school. He's going to university next where he can finally play professionally, after all, hockey's his whole life. Almost like it would be mine, were I a better player.
"What's up, man? "I greet him, and we do the team's handshake. I know it probably looks stupid to outsiders, but the guys do it, so I kinda go with the flow.
"How's the injury?" he asks and points at my leg.
"Better, thanks. Still a bit swollen here and there, but nothing too bad. "
"I told you to take it easy on the training camp, McDavid, but you don't listen.” he shakes his head and says, “ Anyway, you know what's best for you. Just get ready cause we have practice this afternoon and I'm gonna kick your ass."
"Yeah, we'll see about that."
A girl appears from somewhere and drapes herself on his neck. Maddison? I'm not exactly sure if that's her name, but I guess he's dating her now. I don't know, he's constantly surrounded, anyway; girls are only part of the whole crowd.
"Right, cool. I gotta go to class.” He says, trying to pull away from the kiss the girl’s trying to give him. “Laters, bro."
“I’ll see you around, then. “
I head for my class as well, trying not to limp as I do. It hurts more than I admit, but it’s not like I can just stop training.
I spent the whole summer practicing with the team, so it's basically like school never stopped. I get to class late, but one of the good things about winning prizes for the school is teachers are okay with some absences here and there. Grades, even. Not that grades matter that much right now. The Wolves are the most important thing and the whole school knows we are going to win this year too- that is, if you ask my father and my classmates. I open the door, fumbling with my textbooks when everyone starts talking.
"There he is!”
"You scored most of the goals, man! "
"Kyle, you were awesome"
"When's the next one?
"My sister asked if you have a girlfriend now?"
"Will you be the captain soon?"
All of this at once. I have no clue if I’m expected to answer, just smile back at everyone and nod. I look helplessly around like someone can answer some of all that for me and my eyes land on an unfamiliar face. We probably have a new classmate.
He is like a dark shadow, leaning back with his chair tipped onto the rear legs, staring blindly at something outside, oblivious to all of this. The first thing that comes to my mind is that some invisible glass wall is separating him from us. It’s like all of the clatter and fuss just can’t possibly reach him. My second thought is I hope he doesn't tip back, even though there's an actual wall behind him. It’s as if he read my mind, or saw me looking at him, that he turns. And the grayest eyes I have ever seen are now pointed at me. I never even knew there were eyes of such colors. I can tell there's something else about them, but I'm too far to see what exactly that is from here. I nod in his direction, an attempt for a casual greeting, and he just shakes his head in return and resumes staring out.
Uh. Okay.
"Enough, everyone. “ my teacher’s voice brings me back to reality and I realize I’ve stopped in the middle of the room, staring at the new guy.
“Kyle, don't just stand there,” Miss Chase says, “you take enough space anyway."
All my classmates burst out laughing and I search for an empty seat.
"Hurry up and sit down. You've wasted enough of my class already. “ she says, “ And Max- please stop doing whatever you're doing with that pen. Now open your books on page 12."
Everyone obeys and I never thought I'd say it, but Miss Chase is an absolute savior. I know this silence won't last long, but at least I won't have to answer my classmates' questions for now.
* * *
I finish classes and spend the entire afternoon training. I need to get new knee pads, but first I'll have to pick my sister up from her dance practice. She wants to be a ballerina; too bad she can't use me as her prince for at-home practice anymore.
"Kyle!" she beams at me when she sees me waiting for her in front of the studio, "We did pirouettes today."
"Oh, yeah And how was it?" I ask and, of course, I know what this is since she doesn't stop talking about the performance they'll have in December where she'll be...wait, I got it – she is going to be The Crystal Fairy from Sleeping Beauty.
"I still need to rehearse, but I'll make it in the end. "
"You will." I want to ruffle her hair, but I know she'll be mad at me for ruining her bun. Stela's nine and started dancing when she was only four. It was more of my Dad's decision. What he said was something along the lines "ballet is for girls and hockey - for boys". In her case, following Dad's order worked out pretty well and she's happy.
"Can we go for ice cream?" Stela asks when she gets in the car, trying to put her seat belt on.
"Wait, let me help you with that. There. No, not today. I have to help Dad in the garage and then I'm going out with the guys."
"Mom says you shouldn't practice so much"
"Yeah, but Dad doesn't." I clench the steering wheel and step on the gas unconsciously.
"I think they were fighting the other night."
"All families fight Stela, that's normal,” I say, trying to slow down. “ Besides, it's as Mom says- if we don't talk we can't fix our problems. Right?
"Right" she nods, frowning. After a second she adds, "They won't separate, will they?"
I feel like this is a conversation everyone has at least once in their lives if they have a little sister who's smarter for their age. I still try to sound surprised when I ask
"What? Why did you say that?"
"My friend's parents are getting divorced and I'm scared Mom and Dad will too." I glance at her and she now looks even smaller than she normally is. Sad.
"Oh, Stels, they won't. They love each other and...I don't know, stop thinking about stuff like that. And I promise everything will be fine. I always keep my promises, remember?
"I remember."
"Good. Cool. “I relax against the seat and say “So, are we going for that ice cream? "
"Can we? Are you sure Dad won't be mad?"
"I'm sure. I can work on the car later tonight. Besides, I can't refuse you anything. But just one scoop, okay?"
"Yaaay! Deal- just one. But I want the blue one."
"The blue one? Well, that sounds gross".
Stela chuckles at my words and I turn the old truck, driving to Jasper's.
EvaIt's only the first day and I'm skipping already. But my mom's just started a job for the first time since ...well, I'm not exactly sure since when, and I haven't had the house entirely to myself in ages, so it's worth it.It should be okay, we never do anything on the first day, anyway. It's been unusually sunny today and I'm sitting outside on оur small porch in my improvised patio chair, reading Tess of the D'Ubervilles. I signed up for ELA and Creative Writing this year at school, and I'll have to finish the book before we get to it. I'm occasionally glancing at the kids playing on the street. There isn't much traffic in the afternoon, so they don't care. One of them is lying on the asphalt and the other pulling him by the leg. A less than three-year-old girl stood there looking at them in confusion.Although it's always seemed to me that really small kids often look like they're confused by the world and don't know what they're doing exactly. They just observe people doing ra
EvaWe arrive later, of course. According to the cool girls' code, only losers go on time. So here we are, Christina made my hair and I think it's not so bad. That doesn't mean I don't check if I've tucked my skirt in my underwear by accident every five minutes. Cloe throws a party at beginning of every school year, and I'm probably invited here because:One- I've known Christina since we were kids and our mothers are somehow still friends, despite the huge difference between them.Two - I sometimes help their whole group with homework, including Max (he's hopeless, by the way).Three- well, I think there's no three."Chris, finally" she's suddenly surrounded by her girlfriends, hugging her, complimenting her eyeliner. Too much perfume, skin –lotion fruity scents, and brand outfits."Hi, Eva. You look nice!" one of them - Jodie - says. They're either making fun of me, or we've come later than I thought and they're drunk already."I'll go grab a soda," I tell Chris and leave them.I'm
Kyle"Guys- this is Nathan". Jared announces and pats the new guy's shoulder. "He moved here from Winchester. Right?""Manchester, " Nathan replies super seriously with an exaggerated accent. We all laugh and I can't help but think he seems like a cool guy."Oh, right. Sorry.""No worries. Even I forget where I am or where I come from sometimes."I heard Christina talking about the two new guys the other day, so that must be Jeremy's brother."Do you play hockey too?" I ask."Nay. I'm not a very good team player. I do some kickboxing, though. I mean I did back home. But yeah, not much anyway. ""That's cool. ""Well, it explains the tattoos. Is that even legal?" someone asks."How does that explain tatts, man?""I don't know, kinda part of the style.""You're so dumb, Mike.""Wanna try my uppercut, Tylor?'"What? Go to hell, Jazz""Why don't you...."They keep fooling around and I look at Nathan's arms. He's wearing a plain white T-shirt which allows me to see they are mostly covered
Jeremy"You look terrible, " Christina tells me when she comes to sit with me and Eva in the cafeteria before going to PE. The cafeteria's become our usual spot for hanging out because we can talk shit and no one will hush us the way they would if we were in the library. The only disadvantage is I can't smoke in here- I mean I tried and Chris and Eva were going to kill me.I'm finishing my third coffee and that better be my last one as I'm starting to get restless. Eva's struggling with the package of her second Reese's bar and I'm pretty sure she has at least two more in her backpack."And you're exceptionally pretty today," I reply and lean back in my chair. I'm sure she's torn between thanking me and checking whether today she looks better than she normally does. She's most likely opted for the first since she still asks"Yeah, what happened to you?""I studied for the test all night. Maths can be very damaging." Eva laughs but Christina's oblivious to the joke. Instead, she only c
EvaOn days like this, I feel my skin too tight. Unfitting. I want to rip it completely off, throw it away, run out from it free. But I can't, because I'm trapped.It's like the sky's so heavy that it keeps pressing me closer to the ground. Breathing gets harder by the second. There's this huge snake, wrapped around my chest, tightening its hold more and more. I choke on all the thoughts, suddenly flooding my mind. Why can't I turn them off, or slow them down?Words go unspoken, unheard. They get stuck in my throat. I need to scream into the empty, open-air, but all sounds dissolve into the vacuum of the dark void, surrounding me. My mind's vibrating so loud that I have the urge to put my hands on my ringing ears and silence it. I'm getting dizzy with the overwhelming feeling of fear. The impending doom, hanging over me.What's scarier is I don't know where all this is coming from. Or why. It's invisible, but I know it's there. It's like you're dying, but you aren't. It's what a hea
Kyle "Are you taking the medications I prescribed, McDavid?" The team's doctor inquires dead serious and looks at me from behind his desk, glasses pushed down low on the tip of his nose. "Nah, Doc. It's not that bad anymore. " I'm tying my shoelaces as quickly as I can, I can't wait to leave because I hate all those cabinets. The last time I did my checkup he gave me some kinds of painkillers, I don't remember the name and I don't care about them. I know most of the guys on the team take them, especially Jared, but it's not for me. The pills helped me with the pain, but they were also making me sleepy. I couldn't feel much, not just pain. Anything. And even if it sounds funny- I hated that. It was as if I was out of control, even of the discomfort. So I simply stopped taking them eventually. "You tore an adductor a few weeks ago, boy, "Doc continues, "it looks better than last time I checked, but you can't have fully recovered by now. Especially considering how serious the injury
EvaWe finish earlier on Fridays, so we hang out after school with Chloe and Chris. Jeremy and Max came with us too, but Max has a game later and can't stay much. Jeremy turned out to be way more patient than me when explaining Victorian Classics, although he didn't look like it at first. I'm heading home, it's almost 4 pm -mom should still be at work.Rudy's wandering around, so she comes my way and gives me the usual sniff and a lick on the hand."Did I pass the security check for today?"I scratch her behind the ears and once she's had enough, I'm good to go. I put the key in the locker and discover the door's open. Then I see the shoes my mom went out with this morning. I go inside and see her lying on the couch, covered under a blanket. You've got to be kidding me."Mom?" Don't tell me she got fired again. "Hey, Mom? Are you ok?"She pokes her head out of the cover and says, her voice hoarse. "I don't feel very well so they let me go home for the day.""Just for today?"I know I
"Fucking finally, " Jared says as we come in and kisses Christina. She pulls back, although I see she's not pissed off."Are you drunk already?" Chris makes a face at him and he leans towards her again for another smooch."We won, baby."While I'm wondering how come she forgave him for everything he did to her, I see Nathan.Right. He is here. Nathan's lying on the ground, his elbow propped on one of the cushions scattered around. I've always thought the huge living room Max's parents have is too-hippie decorated, but that's the first time I kind of like it. He's smoking and the two girls sitting next to him are giggling about something. Max's sitting cross-legged opposite them, strumming something on his guitar. Both his parents are musicians and I have no idea why he's on the team, but he seems to be very bad at music, so hockey was probably the only other option he had for an extracurricular activity. They're talking about something and I struggle to hear what it is when Nathan's